We got the beat that makes your booty go!!

Tortured Soul and a Toothache Contradiction

2006-12-09T00:44:00.000+07:00

Listening to: The Fray - How to Save a Life
"Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me...
Then he said,
Here's a riddle for you... Find the Answer.. There's a reason for the world, You and I..."

I am a sick person… I am a spiteful person. I am the most unpleasant person. I think my soul is diseased. Then again, I don't know a thing about my illness; I'm not even sure what hurts. I'm not being treated and never have been, though I respect both medicine and doctors. Besides, I'm extremely superstitious—well at least enough to respect medicine. (I'm sufficiently educated not to be superstitious; but I am, anyway.) Now then, that's something you probably won't understand. Well, I do; I know better than anyone that all this is going to hurt me alone, and no one else. Even so, if I refuse to be treated, it's out of spite. My stomach hurts? Good, let it hurt even more.. I've been living this way for some time after all..

I was lying about myself just now when I said that I was a nasty person. I lied out of spite. I was merely having some fun of being skeptical and fully emotional at the expense of the others, but I could never really become spiteful. At all times I was aware of a great many elements in me that were just the opposite of that. I felt how they swarmed inside me, these contradictory elements. I knew that they had been swarming inside me my whole life and were begging to be let out; but I wouldn't let them out, I wouldn't, I deliberately wouldn't let them out. They tormented me to the point of shame; they drove me to convulsions and—and finally I got fed up with them..

Not only couldn't I become spiteful, I couldn't become anything at all: neither spiteful nor good, neither a scoundrel nor an honest person, neither a hero nor an insect. Now I live out my days in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and entirely useless consolation that an intelligent person cannot seriously become anything and that only a fool can become something. Yes, sir, an intelligent person in the twenty first century must be, is morally obliged to be, principally a characterless creature. That's already my conviction at the age of twenty two.

You probably think, people, that I want to amuse you. You're wrong about that. I'm not at all the cheerful fellow I seem to be, or that I may seem to be; however, if you're irritated by all this talk (and I can already sense that you are), then let’s just move on…

Let's consider people who know how to take revenge and how to stand up for themselves in general. How, for example, do they do it? Such an individual simply rushes toward his goal like an enraged bull with lowered horns; only a wall can stop him. Well, then, I consider such a spontaneous individual to be a genuine, normal person, just as tender mother nature wished to see him when she lovingly gave birth to him on earth. I'm green with envy at such a man. He's stupid, I won't argue with you about that; but perhaps a normal man is supposed to be stupid—how do we know? Perhaps it's even very beautiful.

"Ha, ha, ha! You'll be finding enjoyment in a toothache next!" you cry out with a laugh.
"Well, what of it? There is some enjoyment even in a toothache," I reply. "I've had a toothache for a whole month; I know what's what. In this instance, of course, people don't rage in silence; they moan. But these moans are insincere; these moans express the sufferer's enjoyment; if he didn't enjoy it, he would never have begun to moan. In the first place, these moans express all the aimlessness of the pain which consciousness finds so humiliating, the whole system of natural laws about which you really don't give a damn, but as a result of which you're suffering nonetheless, while nature isn't. You yourself know that your moans do you no good; you know better than anyone else that you’re merely irritating yourself and others in vain. They express the consciousness that while there's no real enemy to be identified, the pain exists nonetheless; the awareness that, in spite of all possible Wagenheims, you're still a complete slave to your teeth; that if someone so wishes, your teeth will stop aching, but that if he doesn't so wish, they'll go on aching for three more months; and finally, that if you still disagree and protest, all there's left to do for consolation is flagellate yourself or beat your fist against the wall as hard as you can, and absolutely nothing else.

Are you wondering why on earth I write all these nonsense?? Well yeah, I, too, have been wondering.. I’ve been writing for one and a half hour, all the while abandoning my work, and all of that for what? For it eventually ends up being an utter uselessness, a complete nothingness. My life has always been a contradiction, of course my jokes are in bad taste; they're uneven, contradictory, and lacking in self-assurance. But that's because I have no respect for myself. Can a man possessing consciousness ever really respect himself?

~partly adapted from “Notes from Underground” by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
.: This is FeL :.

Lelaki Buaya Darat!!!

2006-09-04T19:47:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Wonderland Avenue - White Horse
.........TRaNcE AdDiCt!!!!!

Terdapat artikel di salah satu surat kabar atau majalah, terasa lucu dan menarik artikel ini.Isinya sebagai berikut :

Suatu malam, seorang wanita tidak pulang ke rumahnya. Keesokan harinya,dia memberitahu suaminya, kalau dia menginap di rumah teman wanitanya.Suaminya menelepon 10 orang teman istrinya yang paling akrab, danhasilnya tidak ada seorangpun yang mengetahui akan hal ini.

Sebaliknya, suatu malam seorang pria tidak pulang ke rumahnya. Keesokanharinya, dia memberitahu istrinya, kalau dia menginap di rumah temanprianya. Istrinya menelepon 10 orang teman suaminya yang paling akrab, dan hasilnya : 8 orang diantaranya memastikan kalau suaminya menginap dirumah mereka, dan......... ......... 2 orang lainnya bahkan mengatakanbahwa suaminya MASIH berada di rumah mereka!

Terasa menarik, seorang suami yang membaca artikel ini segera memanggil istrinya untuk membaca artikel ini, tidak disangka istrinya malah ingin mencoba apakah memang benar seperti yang ditulis di artikel ini.
Suaminya menasehatinya supaya JANGAN MENCOBA, tapi tidak berguna. Istrinya mengangkat telepon dan menghubungi satu persatu teman akrabsuaminya, menanyakanapakah suaminya bersama mereka. Dan hasilnya tentu saja.....
Apa yangditulis dalam artikel ternyata berlaku di seluruh pelosok dunia!

Yang parahnya, ada salah satu teman suaminya malah mengatakan suaminya mabuk dan sampaisekarang masih tidur di dalam rumahnya. Dan malah bertanya kepada istrinya apakah perlu membangunkan suaminya untuk mendengar telepon?
Istrinya kaget dan tidak mau membuat malu teman suaminya dan berkata sudahlah gak apa apa. Begitu istrinya menutup telepon, handphone suaminya langsung berdering. Begitu suaminya menjawab telepon, teman suaminya berkata : Dimana kamu?Cepat pulang ke rumah! Istrimu mencari cari kamu dari tadi, saya bilang kamu mabuk di rumah saya. Oh ya! jangan lupa minum sedikit bir sebelumpulang!

1. 10 out of 10 laki-laki mempunyai Instink dan Persaudaraan(brotherhood) yang lebih Tajam dan Kuat dibandingkan dgn wanita karenamereka langsung menjawab dgn memberikan Alibi untuk mendukung temannyadari kemungkinan- kemungkinan yang tidak mengenakkan.

2. 1 out of 10 Laki-laki dengan berani dan spontan "Pasang Badan" beyond"Call of Duty" dgn menjawab sedang tidur di rumahnya , dan langsungmengabari temannya per Telp.

.: This is FeL :.

Some Thought on Hormonal Hostage

2006-07-31T20:30:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Ash-Won't be Saved
"Imprisoned by the thought of you...Captured by your eyes...Mesmerised..No I won't be saved, I will always be enslaved...No I won't be saved, In my heart your name engraved..."

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff......
..And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect

.:This is FeL:.

Dutch paedophile ring running for goverment?

2006-06-06T11:49:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Laith al Deen - Alles an Dir
"denn alles an dir macht mich so leicht... weil du mich überall erreichst..weil du mich siehst und mir vergibst
und so unbeschreiblich liebst..."

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Dutch paedophiles are launching a political party to push for a cut in the legal age for sexual relations to 12 from 16 and the legalisation of child pornography and sex with animals.
The Charity, Freedom and Diversity (NVD) party said on its Web site it would be officially registered on Wednesday, proclaiming: "We are going to shake The Hague awake!"
The party said it wanted to cut the legal age for sexual relations to 12 and eventually scrap the limit altogether.
"A ban just makes children curious," Ad van den Berg, one of the party's founders, told the Algemeen Dagblad (AD) newspaper.

"We want to make paedophilia the subject of discussion," he said, adding that the subject had been a taboo since the 1996 Marc Dutroux child abuse scandal in neighbouring Belgium. "We have been hushed up. The only way is through parliament."
The Netherlands already has liberal policies on soft drugs, prostitution, and gay marriage, but the NVD is unlikely to win much support, the AD quoted experts as saying.
"They make out as if they want more rights for children. But their position that children should be allowed sexual contact from age 12 is of course just in their own interest," anti-paedophile campaigner Ireen van Engelen told the daily.
The party said private possession of child pornography should be allowed although it favours banning the trade of such materials. The broadcast of pornography should be allowed on daytime television, with only violent pornography limited to the late evening, according to the party.
Toddlers should be given sex education and youths aged 16 and up should be allowed to appear in pornographic films and prostitute themselves. Sex with animals should be allowed although abuse of animals should remain illegal, the NVD said.
The party also said everybody should be allowed to go naked in public.
The party's programme also includes ideas for other areas of public policy including legalising all soft and hard drugs and free train travel for all.

So, I'm thinking, WTF? Have they gone out of their minds? while we're stuck here in the middle of this APP discourse.. what would actually become of this world?

.: This is FeL :.

RE: RUU Anti Pornografi dan Pornoaksi

2006-03-11T21:52:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Black Eyed Peas - My Hump
"I'ma get get get get you drunk, get you love drunk off my hump... my hump my hump.. my hump my hump my hump.."

What would become of this country? itu dia kalimat yang paling sering keluar dari kepala saya tiap kali saya mikirin negara ini.. bisa kita lihat.. sementara angka kemiskinan semakin bertambah, dan semakin banyak isu yang bikin pemerintah terkesan so overwhelmed, yang sekarang terjadi justru gencarnya RUU Anti Pornografi dan Pornoaksi yang mengatur dan melarang hal-hal yang didefinisikan sebagai Pornografi dan Pornoaksi. Saya pribadi melihat RUU ini sungguh abstrak dan tidak jelas.. yang semakin membuat saya mempertanyakan profesionalisme dan kemampuan pemerintah dalam menangani negara ini.. berikut ini adalah komentar yang dikemukakan oleh teman saya, sebut saja si Agent N, tentang RUU tersebut, dengan mana saya sangat sependapat...

Ini dia komentarnya:
Di bagian pornoaksi, "bagian tubuh tertentu yang sensual" ga dijelasin ya? Bagian apa aja? Apa gw bacanya ga teliti. Gw pernah baca, katanya sebagian paha dan sebagian dada ga boleh? Jadi rok mini ga boleh? Tank top or kemben juga? Meskipun seandainya ga memperlihatkan belahan dada? Lalu kalo lagi ada pesta, kawinan misalnya, tamunya kan suka pada pake dress yang tanktop or kemben kan? Bakal ditangkep kah orang2 pas lagi pesta?
Trus laki2 dianggap punya sensualitas ga? Gimana orang2 laki yang suka telanjang dada siang2 di pinggir jalan? Tukang bangunan misalnya? Siapa tau ada cewek yang horny liat mereka. Ga boleh juga dong..Lalu laki2 pake celana pendek di atas dengkul di depan umum juga ga boleh?
Kalo laki2 ga, ga aci dong..menurut gw cowok jg punya sensualitas.
Apalagi abis ini? Di tangerang, cewek ga boleh keluar rumah sendiri malem2.. ditangkep kalo nekad? Gimana cewek2 yang kerja shift malem? Kuliah? Kenapa ga pada tangkepin preman aja sih malem2. Biar semua orang merasa aman jalan malem2. Termasuk cewek, ga takut diperkosa.
Kenapa ga aturan pelecehan seksual diperkuat. Bukan kepedean, tapi gw capek melototin orang yang siul2in gw. tukang bangunan gituh, ga bangga juga. Pengen gw tamparin satu2. Itulah yang terjadi kalo perempuan terus dianggap sebagai obyek seksualitas dan 'sensualitas'. Orang merkosa cuma dihukum satu tahun. Shit! Kalo gw jadi pembuat kebijakan, mau aja gw hukum potong (maaf) alat kelaminnya.
Jadi cewek udah susah, jangan ditambah susah. Berkarier susah, dibilang melawan kodrat. Tinggal di rumah, bergantung sama suami susah, suami kawin lagi, dengan alasan sunah rasul, ga bisa apa2, cuma nerima aja karena hidup bergantung di tangan suami. Jadi cewek agresif, gonta-ganti pacar, dicela, dibilang kegatelan. Jadi pasif, ga laku2, dikatain perawan tua. Macem2 lagi dilema yang selalu dibebanin ke cewek.
Untuk pembatasan media gw setuju...tapi enggak buat kebebasan perempuan untuk menampilkan dirinya sendiri. Toh orang waras juga ga bakal telanjang jalan2 di pinggir jalan.
Apa sih tujuan akhir RUU ini?? Membina akhlak dan moral bangsa?? Buat apa?? Supaya apa?? Anggota DPR aja ada yang mantan preman pembunuh (seriusan), ada yang koruptor (dulu dan sekarang) (banyak kalo yang ini), ada yang tukang kawin (4 istri resmi, yang katanya sunah rasul, dan 5 istri kawin siri, huahaha apa toh?? kecil2 cabe rawit nih orang), ada yang suka booking pecun2 high class. Ooohh yaaa... mereka punya cukup 'moral' untuk mengatur moral seluruh bangsa...
Kalo gw tangkep sih, dari sudut pandang kepentingan perempuan nih ya (katanya mau 'melindungi' harkat dan martabat perempuan?!), tujuan akhir (ultimate goal biar keren) UU ini, adalah untuk mengurangi angka pemerkosaan, hamil di luar nikah, aborsi, dll.... Ngaruh ya UU ini?
Kalo menurut gw sih, cara yang lebih baik, selain memperkuat aturan ttg pelecehan seksual, bisa memperkuat aturan dalam pengawasan media. Bukan dalam isi acaranya ya tapi. Buat TV mungkin emang harus lebih ketat, tapi bioskop?? Buat aja batasan umum di film, kaya AS. Perkuat aturan buat bioskop ngelarang anak kecil nonton film yang bukan batasannya. Tutup bioskop yang ngelanggar. Jual majalah jorok harus pake batasan umum juga (meski gw ga setuju jg sih ada playboy Indonesia)....apalah aturan yang lebih cerdas daripada sekedar ngelarang2 orang berekspresi...yaaa..karena gw ga terlalu cerdas jadi ga bisa ngusulin lebih banyak ide aturan.
Dari pengetahuan gw yang sempit (mungkin ada juga yang pernah denger soal ini), Liat deh Jepang. Segala macem yang porno..lengkap, ampe kartun aja porno. Cewek2, (kalo dia kuat nahan dingin) pake rok mini ga karuan pendeknya. Angka pemerkosaan? (sekali lagi dari pengetahuan gw yang sempit) cukup rendah... Setidaknya itu menurut temen gw di sana yang suka pake bikini di pantai (??)
Sekarang coba liat Arab? hmmmm..... tertutup? Pasti! Tapi..... TKW kita?? Aduh ga perlu banyak komentar deh.
(demikianlah potongan komentar dari Agent N)

Pendapat saya sendiri kurang lebih sama dengan pendapat di atas.. sangat mencerminkan keraguan yang timbul dari penerapan RUU tersebut, yang tidak dapat menjamin terwujudnya peningkatan moral bangsa.. Sebagai tambahan, saya rasa daripada ngurusin begituan, kenapa juga tidak lebih memperhatikan nasib para TKW kita di Arab misalnya. Di salah satu RS pemerintah saya mendapat info bahwa banyak sekali terdapat wanita-wanita TKW korban perkosaan dan penganiayaan. Di bangsal tempat mereka dirawat, begitu masuk langsung tercium bau busuk yang sangat menyengat, yang berasal dari organ-organ dalam tubuh mereka yang sudah rusak, misalnya karena diperkosa dan dipukuli. Ada juga yang meninggal karena penganiayaan seksual yi. dengan memasukkan gagang sapu lewat (maaf) alat kelaminnya. Banyak dari mereka bahkan sudah hopeless, dan dokter yang merawat mereka pun seringkali bahkan tidak dapat mendiagnosa (melalui hasil USG) organ apa adalah organ mana, karena telah demikian rusaknya bagian dalam tubuh mereka. Secara psikologis juga jiwa mereka sudah terganggu dan banyak dari mereka yang tidak memiliki harapan untuk hidup lagi, meskipun mereka bisa hidup. Isu-isu seperti inilah yang telah menggerakkan hati banyak kaum perempuan, dan bukankah isu macam ini akan lebih make sense untuk ditangani sedini mungkin, dan bukan isu-isu yang sepertinya dibuat-buat dengan tujuan yang tidak jelas??

Wow kyanya udah kepanjangan deh blog ini.. yah sampai sini dulu aja d, meskipun banyak yang masih ingin diomongin, haha.. ga ad abisnya mikirin negara ini.. yang jelas pemerintah bener-bener perlu muter otak untuk dapat membuat rakyat sejahtera..

.: This is FeL :.

One Indubitably Pathetisizing Yet Lovely Poem

2006-01-24T23:37:00.000+07:00

It was the day the sun's ray had turned pale
with pity for the suffering of his Maker
when I was caught, and I put up no fight,
my lady, for your lovely eyes had bound me.

It seemed no time to be on guard against
Love's blows; therefore, I went my way
secure and fearless—so, all my misfortunes
began in midst of universal woe.

Love found me all disarmed and found the way
was clear to reach my heart down through the eyes
which have become the halls and doors of tears.

It seems to me it did him little honour
to wound me with his arrow in my state
and to you, armed, not show his bow at all.

If it's not love, then what is it I feel?
But if it's love, by God, what is this thing?
If good, why then the bitter mortal sting?
If bad, then why is every torment sweet?

If I burn willingly, why weep and grieve?
And if against my will, what good lamenting?
O living death, O pleasurable harm,
how can you rule me if I not consent?

And if I do consent, it's wrong to grieve.
Caught in contrasting winds in a frail boat
on the high seas I am without a helm,

so light of wisdom, so laden of error,
that I myself do not know what I want,
and shiver in midsummer, burn in winter.

I find no peace, and I am not at war,
I fear and hope, and burn and I am ice;
I fly above the heavens, and lie on earth,
and I grasp nothing and embrace the world.

One keeps me jailed who neither locks nor opens,
nor keeps me for her own nor frees the noose;
Love does not kill, nor does he loose my chains;
he wants me lifeless but won't loosen me.

I see with no eyes, shout without a tongue;
I yearn to perish, and I beg for help;
I hate myself and love somebody else.

I thrive on pain and laugh with all my tears;
I dislike death as much as I do life:
because of you, lady, I am this way.

Source: Petrarch. Selections from the Canzoniere and Other Works

New Year, New Life...

2006-01-21T21:05:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Un Myung - Why (OST Full House)
"Niga sarangi doeji anhgireul bileosseo.. Neomaneun jeoldaero anigireul bileosseo.. Neon sarangi anilgeorago sudo eobshi nareul sokyeowasseo..."

For me and Aileen, new year's not only about having new resolutions or any other efforts to make us better persons every now and then, but this year it's also about starting a new life..
In this regard i should be happy to have a year that starts right, which is to have a GPA of 3.74 out of 4, hehe.. it's probably not very special for some other people but i take it very gratefully, knowing that i never had such an amount of GPA before.. shame on me though :)

And from now on, we have bunch of plans that'll occupy most of our times this year.. the plans worth sticking to which (hopefully) should and have to work out. Anyway, nevermind of what might have happened recently, both pleasing and unpleasing, Aileen and I are sensing that we're really made for each other. One person said one time that we should be so grateful and therefore have to value each other more, knowing that no one might make better bestfriends as we are now. Everyone knows that we weren't this close back then when we're in highschool, but nevermind what might have happened otherwise, we sort of have the idea that we would still find each other anyway. Yet we'd like to learn about each other better, since there's many sides to us we haven't yet known.

So i'm saying that it's now the time for us to move on. It helps to know we're not feeling broken-hearted, feeling just like when it started.. awake, it's a new day, no more heartache, breaking away, into the slipstream, out of the blue..
And this year-end holiday we did nothing. Just sleeping, thinking and hanging around. Yeah we already left the dark streets of last year as the air was cooling down.
We're heading for the open road..
Hit us without warning, left out on our own
The bad times they were forming, we went through them alone
A new day it is dawning.. and we feel our pains are gone
The open world is calling, and we're moving on.. Lord you gotta let it flow ;D

.:This is FeL:.

Apa Artinya Cinta

2006-01-21T20:58:00.000+07:00

Fel and Leen's most wanted song of the month!!!

Melly Goeslaw ft. Ari Lasso - Apa Artinya Cinta
OST Apa Artinya Cinta

Tiba-tiba engkau ada, kemudian engkau hadir
laksana kerdil ku memalu.. lihat aku lebih dalam
di matamu ku melihat ada cinta yang tersirat
tirani hati merebak

Barangkali aku salah, ku terdiam bukan bisu
kutahu engkau besar malu, tutupi rasa gelisah
biar saja waktu nanti yang menikmati kisah ini
bersamamu aku senang

Belum jugakah kau mnyadarinya, akulah yang pantas untuk kau cintai
di bawah langit biru aku bersumpah diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta
cinta ini sudah menelan waktuku siang malam hanya untuk pikirkan engkau
sejuta kali aku berani bersumpah diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta

Wishing You The Most Wonderful Christmas of All

2005-12-24T19:48:00.000+07:00

huni & huni.. warmer than fire ;)

Listening to: Rossa - Kembali
"Apa kabarmu, setelah lama kita tak pernah jumpa.. banyak yang tlah berubah, dan ku ingin dengar dari ceritamu.. Apakah kau sempat menjalin kasih setelah bersamaku.. apakah kau bahagia, lebih dari waktu engkau bersamaku.."

Dear All,
Aileen and Felicia are gathering here to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year.. We would like you to know that you're certainly being thought about at this delightful time.. Hope the miracle of Christmas be yours, which will bring you and your family the light of peace, love and happiness throughout the year.. may the Lord guide each and every step you make..

Meanwhile, knowing that another year has again sailed, we realize that there might be regrets of what we shouldn't have done along the freaking year. Well, no one can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone surely can start now and make a happy ending. Hope you all have a year that starts right and ends happy. And lastly, without any intention to sound preachy at all, we both believe that God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the tears and light for the way, in order for us to still carry on. So, no matter how life is giving you numerous reasons to cry, just keep the faith and you'll get the idea..

Have a great holiday!!

Lots of Love,
Aileen & Felicia

The One Where Felicia's Addicted to F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2005-12-20T00:14:00.000+07:00

Listening to: U2 - With or Without You
"See the stone set in your eyes.. See the thorn twist in your side.. I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate.. On a bed of nails she makes me wait.. And I wait without you.. With or without you.. With or without you"

yep, here's my current obsession.. and i really love this pic

Can't help it. Those series have been constantly keeping me occupied in almost all my spare times, that I now end up without any progress on my undergraduate thesis.. I love Ross (and Chandler) above all, he's insanely funny.. Hey here's some of my favourite quotes if you care enough to read.. I could surely laugh with myself anytime one of these scenes just pop into my head, haha..

------------------------
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)

Monica: (At a loss for words) Boy, that was-that was, umm… terrific.
Chandler: Really, bitchin’!
Phoebe: Wow, it was so—wow!
Ross: Really?! I mean, really?!!
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you should play in public!
Ross: Wow! Thanks, you guys. That’s uh—ohhh, I wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another disk. I’ll be right back! Okay? (Runs to fetch them) This is so nice, I’m—I am so… (starts to break up and leaves)

Monica: Oh God bless my dad sound proofing the basement!
Rachel: Oh, I can’t believe I ever let him touch me with those fingers.
Phoebe: What are you guys talking about, I loved it! It was soo moving. Oh, plus it’s just, it’s so different from the stuff you usually hear.

Chandler: You mean like, music?
---------------------------
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is performing, his music hasn’t improved.]

Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a ticking clock.) Infinite time-time-time…

Monica: (to Rachel and Phoebe) Y'know, there’s a Starbucks about three blocks down.

Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch) It’s so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!

[cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called song with the same crash from before. He gets some applause, mainly ‘cause he’s done.]

Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys…

------------------------------
Phoebe: Now, we can kick anybody's ass!
Rachel: Yeah!
Ross: After one class? I don't think so.
Rachel: What? You want to see me self-defend myself? Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.
Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?
Ross: No, it's a concept.
Phoebe: Yeah, it is! It is! It's freshwater eel.
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too.
Rachel: Ooh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.
Ross: Y'know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don't even care!

[after Ross has bragged about having "unagi"]
Phoebe, Rachel: [sneaking up from behind Ross, shouting] Danger!
[Ross screams]
Rachel: Ah, salmon skin roll.

-------------------------------
Chandler: I'm gonna be moving out, so you are gonna be in charge of paying the rent.
Joey: Right! And when is that deal?
Chandler: First of the month.
Joey: And that's every month?
Chandler: No, just the months you actually want to live here.

-------------------------------
Ross: Every week the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey's appartment. What name appears on the address label?
Rachel: Chandler gets it, it's Chandler Bing.
Monica: Noooooo!
Ross: I'm afraid the TV Guide comes to Chanandaler Bong.
Monica: I knew that! Rachel use your head.
Chandler: Actually, it's Miss Chanandaler Bong

--------------------------------

Alrite, that's it, otherwise it's gonna be an endless line of Friends script.. I gotta go now.. Anyway, holiday's coming soon and I hope you all have a great time.. as for me, I'd better first finish my assigments and prepare myself for the upcoming final tests before planning on any holiday trips.. yep yep, as crappy as it sounds ;)

.:ThiS is FeL:.

Fel's New Nephew

2005-12-01T01:45:00.000+07:00

My New Nephew!!! Welcome on board, baby boy.. hope you have a happy and prosperous life.. love you and hope to see you soon, though los angeles is undoubtedly far =)

Just.. Whatever THings!!!

2005-11-22T19:05:00.000+07:00

Yeah once again not being able to connect to the internet at my house is very very annoying.. and even the nearest internet cafe is nearly unreachable without car, in which i can't even save a document to my flashdrive..

Anyway, i'd like to post what happened on my birthday (october the 26th).. however, due to the you-already-know-what-now i guess i'll just post the pics&story later..

hmm.. lately i've been wondering what's the very thing that people put the highest value in... i mean, here's the thing.. just when i thought that nothing worse can happen to my life, i suddenly know in which thing i put value the most.. and that certainly is my hair.. as usual i color it once in about 3-4 months, but it just happened to this freakiest color i ever had on my head!!! it's now rather yellow-blonde (no no i mean it's too yellow!!) than super blonde.. without a single white highlight line that i used to be so proud of.. dammit.. i feel like a weirdo and dared not to go out with this head uncovered.. but then when i showed up in campus, it turned out that no one did tell me that my hair's weird.. they say it's okay, some of them even said it's cool, jeez don't they know about hair coloring or what.. then.. i'm so confused.. well it's been aileen's and my highest dream to achieve the super blonde hair color.. but since aileen's now not permitted to lighten her hair color, then it's sort of my duty to fulfill our hope.. soo, our effort to lighten mine just unded up resultless.. hey but we're not about to surrender..

Supposedly focusing on my study and my undergraduate thesis, i'm now somehow (despite finishing the thesis firsthand) about to finish the book "the Minds of Billy Milligan", which is about a person with 24 personalities, so interesting, kinda expand my horizons.. and i'm also watching "Friends" complete series... =D (they're more than enough to attract me to stay at home since i'm kinda in a flat broke.. haha)

oh no my sister in law needs the car now, what an all of a sudden.. doesn't she know i'm in the middle of something.. whatever, anywayyyy.. i guess i'll talk to you laterrrsss

.:This is FeL:.

Guess who puts the weight into my little heart..

2005-10-23T02:08:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Interpol - Obstacle 1
"We can cap the old times make playing only logical harm.. We can top the old lines clay-making that nothing else will change. But she can read, she can read, she can read, she can read, she's bad... Oh, she's bad.. She puts, oh she puts the weights into my little heart.."

What a gloomy, cold midnite.. a regular indication of post-downpour, thunderstormy rain..
Being completely exhausted, i'm still so keen of writing this post instead of lying down so comfy on my bed. And there's still this thing that keeps me occupied ever since i left the Schulfest in DIS (german international school in Jakarta), where i got totally wet because of the thunderstormy rain which completely shutted me down out there, trying hard to keep myself dry (which then turned out resultless ever since the first minute) whilst reaching the school building in a distance of less than 200 m from the parking lot..
But howsoever, it doesn't really matter now.. The thing is, i'm sure that i felt the so-called 'love at first sight' for the first time.. Honestly, i completely fell in love with this super cute little german kid (i guess he's only 2 years old).. I know that i sometimes feel like i'm interested to some good-looking or cute or naughty kids, but all those feelings just can't be compared to this one.. Dude, i can't even figure out how to tell you this.. but if i were Angelina Jolie, I would have adopted that child for sure!! I only played with this kid (named Friedrich) for a while.. then I lost my sight of him once and he didn't come back at all.. Funny, at first i thought, alrite he's just someone else's kid anyway i can always find another cute ones.. but then surprisingly unsurprising, my eyes automatically swept around the hall and i started to worry if i'd never have the chance to see him again.. sounds exaggerating? not at all, babe.. You wouldn't dare to imagine how regretful i was, not to have asked the mother if i was allowed to carry him.. okay he's not THAT cute or good looking but there must be something that attributed to me being so attached to him.. I even swore to myself that if i ever see that child again i'd directly ask the mother, first to allow me to carry him, and second if she needs a babysitter (haha)..

Anyway, coming to the interesting part.. this Friedrich looks so much like the blonde Christoph, a friend of mine (who's also a german).. at first he looked so familiar to me, and then as i watched him, i suddenly realized that he looked undeniably so similar to Christoph.. even with the same cleaved chin which insofar that i notice doesn't belong to so many people (if you care to know, you can see Christoph on this blog, the second picture of the post "seriously, they thought we're americans!".. he's the guy on the far left)..
Another look-alike phenomenon was surprisingly seen on one of the parents, a handsome german dad who's undoubtedly a sort of Adam Sandler.. oh man, i'm so sorry he's married, haha..

Well, i guess if it's meant to be then i might have the chance to see Friedrich some other time.. though he might be less cuter than he is right now..
So it is, and i guess it sure is the time to go to bed for me.. So, adios for now..

.:This is FeL:.

Cyprus EU Membership Complicates Turkey's Accession Effort

2005-10-15T20:38:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Missy Elliot ft. Ciara and Fat Man Scoop - Lose Control

This is it, people, finally i'm sharing it.. need to welcome this into my world anyway.. the matter that has been running in my mind recently, which will most likely keeps me occupied until next year.. To those who are unfamiliar with the EU issues, you can take a glimpse and get the idea. However, i intend to write about the EU-Cyprus relation for my research instead of the so-called 'triangle' between EU-Cyprus-Turkey.. the latter is rather complicated due to the conflicts that are still undone.. By the way, to those who aren't interested, don't even bother, juz skip this post.. i can only guess that i'm now in the process of sickening, being a lil.. academically distracted..

In a resounding endorsement of enlargement, the European Parliament recently ratified the EU accession treaties of Cyprus and nine other applicants by an overwhelming majority. The move is likely to complicate Turkey’s own effort to gain entry into the European Union.
Given the April 16 2003 European Parliament ratification, the Cypriot government completed the accession process by May 2004. Cyprus’ EU membership drive is likely to complicate Turkey’s own accession effort. With the signing of the Accession Treaty, any future Cyprus settlement now needs to conform to EU standards. That means that the Turkish Cypriot stance on a bi-zonal and bi-communal settlement envisioning a strong Turkish Cypriot partner state, preserving current close economic and trade ties with Turkey, will probably need to be toned down if a settlement is to be reached.

Adding to Turkey’s diplomatic challenge was a UN Security Council decision to hand over the leading role in settling the Cyprus issue to the EU. A UN report placed primary blame for the existing stalemate in peace talks on Turkish Cypriot leader Rauf Denktas. The report also pointed to UN Secretary General Kofi Annan’s plan as a viable platform for working out a future solution.
Denktas, along with conservatives in Turkey’s political establishment, has expressed dissatisfaction with Annan’s plan. For more disadvantageous terms for Turkey could be in store now that the Cypriot government, led by President Tasos Papadopulos, appears to have gained the upper hand in negotiations after securing EU membership.
Greek Cypriot accession to the EU could trigger continued demonstrations in northern Cyprus against Denktas’s seemingly intransigent line and accelerate Turkish Cypriot immigration to the southern part of the island. With nothing to suggest the imminent end to the current economic blockade on northern Cyprus, dissent among Turkish Cypriots with regard to their current administration, polarization of the population as "pro-settlement Turkish Cypriots" and "anti-settlement Turkish Cypriots plus mainland settlers" may push the north to an unsustainable situation.

Denktas may face increased opposition and might be forced to step down before his term ends in 2005, as the majority of the Turkish Cypriot electorate appear to be aligned with the opposition Republican Turkish Party (CTP), led by Mehmet Ali Talat. The CTP will likely gain ground in the upcoming December parliamentary election, increasing optimism that there could be a serious push for a Cyprus settlement in early 2004.
Turkey’s continued military presence in Cyprus is likely to become an increasing thorn in the side of Turkish-EU relations, as Turkey will be viewed as a country occupying a part of EU territory. The Turkish government may bow to EU pressure in order to keep efforts to resolve the Cyprus issue on track. It remains to be seen, however, whether the government can persuade conservatives, traditionally supportive of the annexation of northern Cyprus, to go along. The resolution of the Cyprus question in the near term appears unlikely in the absence of clear incentives for both sides to make politically costly concessions.

(some of the posted datas are taken from the Eurasia website)

Ein Elefant für dich, mom..

2005-09-28T17:10:00.000+07:00

von Wir Sind Helden..
yup, even when you do it over and over and over and over and over over over OVER again.. never that i'll give up.. so bless her God..

Ich seh uns beide, du bist längst zu schwer
Für meine Arme, aber ich geb dich nicht her
Ich weiß, deine Monster sind genau wie meine
und mit denen bleibt man besser nicht alleine
Ich weiß, ich weiß, ich weiß und frage nicht
Halt dich bei mir fest, steig auf, ich trage dich

Ich werde riesengroß für dich.. Ein Elefant für dich
Ich trag dich meilenweiter.. Übers Land
Und ich trag dich so weit wie ich kann
Ich trag dich so weit wie ich kann
Und am Ende des Wegs, wenn ich muss.. trage ich dich
trag ich dich über den Fluss

Einer der nicht sollte, weint am Telefon
Und eine die nicht wollte, weint und weiß es schon
Deine Beine tragen dich nicht wie sie sollten
So oft gehen die, die noch nicht weg gehen wollten
Ich weiß, ich weiß und ich ertrag es nicht
Halt dich bei mir fest, steig auf, ich trage dich

Ich werde riesengroß für dich.. Ein Elefant für dich

.:This is FeL:.

2005-09-16T21:34:00.000+07:00

jen weathered the breakup with grace
~she lost so many pounds, and had refused to know what's going on with the media.. but she remains silent no more, trying hard to complete what's missing in her life.. doing therapy, sports and so on.. keep it up jen, coz if you never try you'll never know just what you're worth..
well it's not like i said she didn't make any mistake.. it's just that, it's a nature of human being, and it can't be considered as a thing which primarily makes her deserve the very force and the exceeding yet nearly-irreconcileable pain she has to be through..

"Picking Up the Shattered Pieces"

2005-09-16T20:22:00.000+07:00

How are you doin, Jen??
Listening to: Maya Saban & Cosmo Klein - Das alles ändert nichts daran
"Bin von Gefühlen wiedermal erdrückt, denn ich erinner mich.. Und er spiegelt dein Gesicht an jeder Tür.. Das alles ändert nichts daran, dass du mir wirklich fehlst.. Ich begreif' nicht, warum musst ich dich verliern..."

After being silent for months, Jennifer Aniston agreed to do the first post-Brad interview with Access Hollywood's Billy Bush, since when there's no longer any reason to guess what life is like for Jen. In her first interview since the split, Jennifer says she was "shocked" by the breakup and is trying to "pick up the pieces in the midst of this media circus."
"I think she finally felt it was time to say her piece," Bennetts told Access Hollywood after the interview. "I think possibly the most hurtful and infuriating for Jennifer was the reports that she wouldn't have Brad's child and that's why their marriage ended."
In the interview, Jen said: "I've never in my life said I didn't want to have children. I did and I do and I will! I would never give up that experience for a career. I want to have it all."
Jen said she and Brad planned to have a child when she wrapped "Friends" in January of 2004, but by then Jen said Brad "just wasn't there for me."
In fact, Brad didn't even show up for the final "Friends" taping. Unfortunately, when she finished 'Friends,' he had already started filming 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith' with Angelina Jolie.

Jen met Angelina just once — ironically on the "Friends" lot, where Aniston introduced herself and said "Brad is so excited about working with you. I hope you guys have a really good time."
Aniston filed for divorce in March, citing irreconcilable differences after 4 1/2 years of marriage. The couple separated in January.
Brad insists Jolie wasn't the reason for the split. But his actions suggest otherwise. Just three months after he separated from Jennifer, he was spotted with Jolie on a romantic getaway in Africa.
Admittedly, Jen says it wasn't the highlight of her year. "Who would deal with that and say, 'Isn't that sweet! That looks like fun!' But, s*** happens. You joke and say, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'"
So did Brad cheat on Jen with Jolie?
"I choose to believe my husband," Aniston said, referring to Pitt's denial of an affair.

Attraction to Jolie
Jen's close "Friend", Courteney Cox, agreed saying "I don't think he started an affair physically, but I think he was attracted to [Angelina]."
She was also hurt by a fashion spread in W magazine — a concept of Pitt's — that showed the actor and Jolie as a 1960's-style married couple.
"There's a sensitivity chip that's missing," Aniston says of Pitt.
Otherwise refusing to talk badly of Pitt, the actress says she doesn't want to mimic the bitterness of her parents' divorce.
"I love Brad; I really love him. I will love him for the rest of my life," says Aniston. "I don't regret any of it, and I'm not going to beat myself up about it. ... The sad thing, for me, is the way it's been reduced to a Hollywood cliche, or maybe it's just a human cliche."
Nevertheless, Vanity Fair's Bennetts commended Jennifer's trust.
"Jennifer is nobody's fool. She chooses to believe the best about the person she spent 7 years of her life with," Bennetts noted.
But what was unbearable for Aniston was addressing the rumor that Jolie is three-months pregnant with Brad's child.
When asked, Bennetts said Jennifer looked as if she'd "been stabbed in the heart" as the tears "kept rolling down her cheeks."
"Her friends feel Brad could have done more to dispel the rumors," Bennetts added. "She does not believe that Brad is a malicious guy and she does not believe that he did any of this to be hurtful to her."

Besides working, which she's been doing a lot of with four movies on the way, Jen is also concentrating on healing by seeing a therapist who is helping her to avoid feeling like a victim.
And Jen was also brave in admitting that it hasn't been quite blissful since the split, saying: "Am I lonely? Yes. Am I upset? Yes. Am I confused? Yes. Do I have my days when I've thrown a little pity party for myself? Absolutely. But I'm also doing really well."
And while she also admitted she's "maybe a little bruised," it didn't seem to jade her according to Bennetts.
"I asked Jennifer where she thought she'd be or hoped she'd be in five years and she said, 'I expect I'll be married and have a child,'" the Vanity Fair writer concluded. One thing is for sure, Jen certainly hasn't lost her sense of humor. On Pitt's recently dyed blond hair, she says, "Billy Idol called — he wants his look back."

Jen hasn’t necessarily been a role idol for me, but one thing is for sure, that I put my highest respect for her. I completely realize that we don’t even know each other, yet I couldn’t help but putting a considerable amount of empathy no one could ever have more as I read the news at the first place. I should admit that now she deserves to be regarded as an inspiring individual, or to say in an even better context, and without consisting any notion of gender bias, an inspiring woman. I personally agree that she’s nobody’s fool. She has bent over backwards to take the high road and not say anything negative about Brad at any point. You know it takes a lot to confront the dark parts of yourself. But Jen did succeed, in which she weathered the breakup with grace. And I hope that in a period of a few months later, she has been doing very well, retaining her normal life, and be prepared to have the next best thing in her life.

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength." ~August Wilson
.:This is FeL:.

Reconsidering Silence: Apprehending the Imponderables #2

2005-09-12T17:17:00.000+07:00

Here we are again, after not posting for a while.. yupe, due to our incapability to get online and also aileen's illness that's been there for weeks.. so i got to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes, like puzzle pieces from the clay, to the extent that everything should just happen this way that we couldn't get into the artificial world for more than a whole month, and start posting after.. although i should admit it could scare the bejesus out of me.. yea even the hiltons can turn silent and discreet for a little while.. well there's a song that i've been listening to over and over again.. i didn't like this song that much when i first heard it (believe me, the radio used to play it very often..) but then it turned out to be interesting..

Wir Sind Helden- Nur Ein Wort

Ich sehe, dass du denkst
Ich denke, was du fühlst
Ich fühle, dass du willst
Aber ich hör dich nicht
Ich hab mir ein Wörterbuch geliehen, dir A bis Z ins Ohr geschrieen
Ich stapel tausend wirre Worte auf, die dich am Ärmel ziehen
Und wo du hingehen willst ich häng an deinen Beinen
Wenn du schon auf den Mund fallen musst, warum dann nicht auf meinen?

Oh, bitte gib mir nur ein Wort

Es ist verrückt, wie schön du schweigst
Wie du dein hübsches Köpfchen neigst
Und so der ganzen lauten Welt und mir die kalte Schulter zeigst
Dein Schweigen ist dein Zelt, du stellst es mitten in die Welt
Spannst die Schnüre und staunst stumm
Wenn nachts ein Mädchen drüber fällt
Zu deinen Füßen red ich mich um Kopf und Kragen
Ich will in deine tiefen Wasser große Wellen schlagen

In meinem Blut werfen die Endorphine Blasen
Wenn hinter deinen stillen Hasenaugen die Gedanken rasen

Bitte gib mir nur ein Wort...

Translation:
i see that you're thinking, i think that you're feeling, i feel that you're wanting, but i hear nothing from you
i've borrowed a dictionary, screamed to you from A til Z.. piling a thousand words that you wear on your sleeves
and wherever you go i'll be hanging right on your leg..
if you already have to get something out from your mouth, then why not to my...
please give me just one word...

it's crazy how nice you turn on silent, how you bend your head down
by which you're showing me and the whole running world your cold shoulder
your silence is your tend, you put it in the middle of the world
tighten the rope and quietly astonished when it brings a girl down at night
i talk to your feet about head and collar.. in your deep water i would like to hit big waves
the endorphines throw away bubbles in my blood, if behind your calm eyes there are thoughts racing..
Please give me just one word...

(by the way, sorry if i make a mistake or two..)

Speaking about silence, we should realize that it is a side of human being, which turned out to be the most difficult to apprehend. Silence is in fact the most complicated, complex symbol ever to translate. Even the well-developed knowledge of psychology couldn't afford much to discover a single constant formula to understand it. Being quiet is the dark, and silence is also a blind. Nothing's there to be seen nor to be heard, so nothing's there to apprehend. So, for the sake of humanity, don't let your will and thoughts be buried down inside your calm manner..

.:This is FeL:.

Happy 21st Birthday Aileen..

2005-09-07T19:21:00.000+07:00

Just.. reunited :)

Listening to: The Postal Service - Nothing Better (i know it's rather old but this song is great!!)
"will someone please call a surgeon, who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart, that you're deserted for better company.."

Happy birthday Aileen, my one and hopefully-eternal bestfriend.. the one i love so much though i don't tell you that often.. you're a grown-up now.. well you know that i'm the kind of person that rarely let my feelings out since i believe that there should be a concrete realization of it instead of just giving you words (which can absolutely turn out to be bullshit someday), or valuable, glamorous things that i can not yet afford by now. But i've been by your side through this year and i hope it remains so.. All the best wishes and prayers for you.. and i hope we can value each other more than we always did.. even when one of us falls apart, shattered to pieces, up to a certain point when nothing could have gone worse, i just wish we can be there, at least to appreciate each other's presence and efforts without neglecting one, or better yet, trying our best to fix each other, to complete and recompile the broken pieces that's left from every single part of our lives.. instead of to care no more, or even worse, to leave the other behind to the next best thing, the very happiness that one of us could already have.

.:This is FeL:.

2005-09-07T19:15:00.000+07:00

a concrete implementation of cease-fire
Posted by Picasa

2005-09-07T19:14:00.000+07:00

Aileen is now 21!! (Pizza Hut La Piazza)
Posted by Picasa

Farewell.. already??

2005-07-29T02:48:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Nelly ft. Tim McGraw - Over and Over ("everytime i close my eyes.. i'm going down.. i can't go on not loving you..")

Dear everyone.. Paris was great.. definitely you should be there at least once in your lifetime.. well of course twice, three times or even more would do better ;).. i've already posted the pics here.. too bad i didn't have the chance to see Versailles.. that kinda sucked!! It regularly closes on Mondays, just the day we had planned to spend the entire time to visit it!! Well, this post is more likely to pour what's bothering my mind actually.. what do you think it is?yupe, exactly as stated on the title.. the farewell..

last week (alejandro)..

today (phoebe&angel)..

tomorrow (tracy)..

day after tomorrow (ryan)..

one by one.. gone..

and.. in 4 days.. i'll be gone too.. leaving it all behind

farewell isn't just all there is.. it isn't just about goodbyes, not just about sadness, nor only hugs and waves. It's related to reconsidering what you have encountered, done, been through together. As hard as it may be, you have to accept what lies infront of you, the considerable forces that might tear you up. Yeah i know.. i've already realized it since i made my first step here in Germany.. it won't be easy, living with the things which you're forced to keep deep within your memories.. in a year or two, these summer school moments might just appear once in a while in my mind.. but some things will never be forgotten.. some things i can never let go..

I went to Dusseldorf Airport today to accompany diana dealing with her flight ticket back home.. i know i'll be there in couple of days, which i might just feel like only a glimpse of a time, a blink of an eye.. Yet, i couldn't dare imagining myself standing there.. and why not, for the love of God? They say there's no place like home.. and what do they actually mean by 'home'? where's mine, if you can at least enlighten me? You might have to define it further...

Alrite, enough of that.. hope everyone's fine.. my family.. whatever had happened.. ou Gott why don't you at least cure my allergy, it's torturing me like hell..

by F E L I C I A

Fix You

2005-07-29T02:22:00.000+07:00

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

If you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

-by Coldplay

(exclusively for my 1026 twin.. gue sayang lo ran!! So.. if you ever need a friend and there exist a hundred steps between us, you can take the first single step and i'll take the rest 99 steps to be there for you ;)) Miss you a bunch..

.:This is FeL:.

A glimpse of a "dear God..."

2005-07-21T02:59:00.000+07:00

It's been a while, I couldn't get anything inside my head to write a post.. just one single post.. eventhough i've experienced something new. I went to Amsterdam with Ronald, to Dusseldorf and Duisburg with Phoebe, and even met two of my Goethe friends from Jakarta, here in Bochum.
Well, nothing is actually inside my head even in this time being. However, I completely realize that my time here is about to over... very soon that i can hardly feel the time running, the clock ticking.. one second.. one minute.. one hour.. it just passes by, and deep within my conciousness I start to get worried.. no, it's been too long that i'm trapped and suppressed by all my childish fears.. funny, the computer's now spinning Athlete - Wires, which says "I see it in your eyes, I see it in your eyes, you'll be alright..." yeah sure..
During the time I've spent here, I've encountered so much, the good times and the bad, from which i can learn so much. It's not just about living abroad, but about starting a new life as well. As they say, that one single hope can turn your life one eighty.
Anyway, Felicia is not only Felicia, even without all the philosopycal reasons why a Felicia is created.. Been through so many things, I'm perfectly concious when a poisoning thought's running through.. no, not through.. but exactly in my mind, that some things might not just better left forgotten. Instead, I realize i'll always remember all the valuable things that has influenced me as a whole person, if you can figure out what i'm referring to. Those then-impossible things that evidently turns out happening. It's like a manifesto, real, even the ones I could never dare to expect. I can never be more grateful. For the roman candles that burn in the night, the torch in the infinite.. yes, the shining light, the only constant of my life. And now that it has arrived, there's no way I can let it go. Even my mortal blood i would sacrifice (jeez it's turning to be a bit scary, innit?)

Alright, enough for now, gotta go to celebrate Alejandro's farewell. Hope a Desperados can do me a favor.. yes please..

Listening to: Ash - Warmer Than Fire
"These memories.. dear God i hope she's always next to me.. dear God she's burried next to me.."

.:This is FeL:.

My Shining Light

2005-07-04T03:35:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Max Mutzke - Schwarz auf Weiss!!
"baby mein Respekt zu dir wächst von Tag zu Tag.. deine Art dich zu bewegen, dich zu geben, genauso wie ich's mag"

Roman candles that burn in the night
You lit a torch in the infinite
You have always been a thorn in their side
But to me you're a shining light
You arrive and the night is alive, yeah, you are a shining light
You light up my life

We made a connection, a full on chemical reaction
Brought by dark divine intervention.. yeah, you are a shining light
A constellation once seen, over royal david's city
An epiphany you burn so pretty.. yeah, you are a shining light
You are a force you are a constant source
Incandescent in the darkest night
My mortal blood i would sacrifice, for you are a shining light
Sovereign groom of the infinite, yeah, you are a shining light
You light up my life

These are the days you often say, there's NOTHING that we cannot do
Beneath a canopy of stars I'd shed blood for you
The north star in the firmament, you shine the most bright
I've seen you draped in a electric veilshrouded in celestial light
You are a shining light.. yeah,you light up my life

.:This is FeL:.

KiSaH YaNg TaK PeRnAh BeRaKhIR....

2005-06-27T09:21:00.000+07:00

Suatu hari di sebuah sekolah SMU swasta..
"Ta!!! cepetan donk... ntar telat nih!!!" kata Putri kepada nita... "iya..iya tunggu donk... lia aja blum dateng..." ocehan nita membuat putri gak sabar... well.. hari ini putri memang berencana bertemu dengan pujaan hatinya.. sudah 2 hari sejak pertandingan antar sekolah berjalan, putri mengagumi seseorang.. makhluk yang berasal dari sekolah lain... makhluk yang memang jago bermain volley... dari pertama kali melihat, putri sudah jatuh cinta pada pandangan pertama..( mereka bertiga masih duduk di bangku sma 1)

2 hari yang lalu.. putri datang ke cc hanya sekedar iseng2.. sebenarnya tak pernah terlintas dalam pikirannya untuk melihat pertandingan olah raga, maklum.. putri itu gak suka olah raga.. benci kena panas.. pinginnya kalo pulang sekolah langsung tidur di kamarnya yang adem... tapi ntah ada angin apa ia memaksakan diri untuk pergi juga... setelah turun dari mobil.. dengan agak males ia berjalan menuju gerbang cc(sekolah khusus cowo)tak disangka ia melihat segerombolan anak muda yang sedang berkumpul.. dari seragamnya memang bisa ditebak itu dari db2.. dengan acuh putri berjalan... tapi tiba2... lho lho lho..putri terkejut melihat seorang cowo.. paling tinggi diantara semuanya.. sehingga tidak sulit baginya untuk mencuri2 pandang... dan ketika itu juga hatinya deg deg-an....

"put..hei... si lia uda dateng tuh... mau jalan gak??" panggilan nita membangunkan putri dari lamunannya.. "eh.. iya.. yuk kita berangkat.. takut telat nih..." sahut putri.. mereka bertiga.. berjalan dari sekolahnya ke cc.. memang gak terlalu jauh, tapi dibilang terlalu dekat juga ngga.. tapi mereka rela... rela demi melihat pujaan hatinya bertanding..

putri, lia, dan nita.. mereka sebenernya belum berteman lama.. sama2 kenal juga baru 2 hari yang lalu.. saat itu.. putri yang sedang mengagumi si nomor 7.. cowo yang ditaksir pada pandangan pertama itu.. begitulah putri memanggilnya karena saat itu ia tidak tau namanya.. ketika memberikan dukungan hari itu.. tiba2 ada yang berteriak di sebelah kirinya.. " tiga!! tiga!!" lalu sebelah kanannya " lima!! lima!!" hm... putri merasa seperti di tempat pacuan kuda.. mereka bertiga sama2 meneriakkan nomor yang berbeda.. akhirnya putri memutuskan untuk berkenalan dengan kedua2nya.. dari situ lah diketahui bahwa nita penggemar nomor 5.. dan lia nomor 3... obrol punya obrol... akhirnya putri tau juga nama dan sekolah si nomor 7 itu...

"duh... cape nih ta..masi jauh gak sih??" keluh putri.. "sabar put.. uda mau nyampe kok" kata nita menenangkan putri.. kira2 15 menit kemudian.. ketika putri sudah hampir kehabisan nafasnya.. akhirnya sampai juga mereka bertiga di cc...dengan segera mereka bertiga menuju lapangan volley.. pertandingan baru akan dimulai... putri bisa melihat dengan jelas cowo itu sedang latihan sambil berbaris.. putri tertawa geli... tertawa melihat cowo itu sedang bercanda dengan teman2nya... dalam hati.. putri meyakinkan dirinya untuk dapat berkenalan dengan no 7.." pokoknya gue mesti dapetin no telp nya nih" kata putri kepada lia.. lia menatapnya dengan serius.." put.. lu ntar tanyain buat gue ya." dengan tersenyum putri menjawab "kok lu menjadikan gue sebagai umpan??"
"soalnya gue merasa lu pasti akan mendapatkan nomor dia put.. "
"tapi gue juga gak brani.. ntar gue suruh orang lain aja deh.. kan gue juga malu kalo ternyata dia menolak memberikan no telp gimana??" putri mulai kawatir..
"udah.. udah.. ntar gue aja deh..." sahut nita tiba2...
putri dan lia cuma bisa menaruh harapan pada nita.. dari smuanya memang nita yang paling berani...

usai pertandingan.. ternyata nita tak sesuai yang diharapkan.. dia juga gak brani menanyakan no telp nya... putri dan lia uda gemes melihat nita.. untung ada temen yang bertugas sebagai scoreboard.. cepet2 putri panggil.."sil!!! sil!!! sini deh..." teriah putri..
"ada apa say??" ucap sisil dengan santainya
"bantuin gue donk.. mintain no telp yang no 7 ituuu... pls.....pls...." kata putri dengan manjanya...
"ah gila lu.. gue kan gak suka ama dia.. kalo ntar disangka gue yang suka gimana??"
"bilang aja buat temen lu sil... ok?? ok?? mau yah... pls..."
"yeeehhh... ya udah.. tunggu ya..." dengan segera sisil membalikkan badannya.. putri bisa melihat sisil dikejauhan sedang berbicara dengan no 7... agak berharap2 cemas memang... dan tiba2 cowo itu melihat ke arahnya.. "duh...." dalam hati putri merasa salah tingkah... lalu sisil berjalan menemui putri lagi... ia menyerahkan secarik kertas kepadanya..." tuh nomornya... uda seneng blum??" tanya sisil.. "duhhhhhhhhh thx banget sayyyyyyyyyyyyyy... luv uuuuuuuu...." teriak putri

yah itulah kisah perkenalannya... beberapa hari setelah itu.. pertandingan pun berakhir.. putri sudah tidak pernah bertemu dengan lia... nita pun jarang.. suatu hari putri mengajak nita pergi ke pelabuhan ratu.. saat itu lia tidak bisa ikut.. nita memutuskan untuk menelpon.. berhubung putri gak brani.. nita lah yang memulai pembicaran terlebih dahulu.. putri cuma ikut menguping.. obrol punya obrol.. putri kecewa.. kecewa karena sang pujaan hati tidak sedewasa yang ia kira.. dan ia memutuskan untuk mengakhiri telponnya.. sejak itu.. hubungan di telp itu adalah yang pertama dan terakhir.. selanjutnya putri mulai melupakan co itu...

hari ke hari.. bulan ke bulan.. dan tahun ke tahun.. akhirnya putri lulus sma juga... lalu ia kuliah.. sudah hampir 3 tahun sejak perkenalannya dengan no 7.. putri sudah melupakan.. dan ia pun sudah memiliki seseorang.. tiba2...ketika ia sedang nonton tv.. putri mendengar suara berisik..putri yakin itu pasti suara dari teman2 adiknya datang menjemput...putri mempunya seorang adik lelaki yang tidah jauh beda umurnya.. saat itu ia mendengar suara yang tidak asing lagi.. dan ketika ia menoleh.. OMG!!!! si 7???????????? nomor 7 disini?????????? dan cowo itu pun menatapnya terbengong2... ternyata dia mengenal adik nya itu di tempat game.. saat itu game CS memang sedang meledak... berhubung putri sudah punya seseorang.. begitupun cowo itu... putri tidak ambil pusing..
hari berikutnya cowo itu menginap di rumahnya.. berikutnya datang dengan ce nya.. begitulah seterusnya... sampai hampir 2 tahun berlalu.. tidak ada obrolan apapun... hanya sekedar menyapa jika bertemu...

dan suatu ketika... cowo itu memberikan testi melalui FS kepadanya.. dan putri pun membalasnya.. gak disangka mereka main msg2 di FS.. dan mulai lah menelpon kembali... awalnya gak ada perasaan apa2... tapi ketika cowo itu mengajaknya pergi.. putri mau2 aja.. berhubung sedang libur.. dan putri sudah cukup bosan di rumah.. mereka pun pergi berdua seharian penuh.. dari situ lah baru putri tau.. ternyata diantara mereka banyak kesamaan.. kesukaan.. bahkan menurut putri.. cowo ini jauh lebih dewasa dibanding saat dia mengenalnya dulu.. tak lama setelah itu.. putri pun mulai terpesona.. bukan karena fisiknya yang ganteng.. tapi emang karena kesamaan yang mereka miliki...

beberapa hari kemudian.. muncul pernyataan yang mengejutkan dari cowo itu.. ia mengaku bahwa sebenernya dia pun tertarik dengan putri ketika sma dulu.. tapi sayangnya putri hanya menelpon sekali dan dia pun belum sempat menanyakan no telp putri.. dan setahun setelah itu.. ketika ia datang bertanding lagi.. ia memang berharap putri ada.. tapi ia tidak melihat tanda2 gadis itu... padahal.. walaupun putri ilfil ama tuh co... tapi putri mengaguminya saat cowo itu bermain volley.. dan putri ada di tiap pertandingan.. hanya saja kali itu putri sudah tidak tertarik mengejarnya.. hanya mengagumi saja..

Now...
yap... kami jadian... gak disangka2 ternyata cowo itu sayang banget ama putri.. dan putri pun benar2 jatuh cinta.. pasalnya... cowo itu bener2 memperlakukan putri seperti princess nya.. hal itu bisa dilihat dari penggalan kata2 yang ditulis cowo itu kepada putri melalui sms..

"Hey Honeyku.. bobo ya.. thank you hari ini uda memberi aku kesempatan untuk bahagia.. dan bahagiakan kamu..dun 4get to pray for us.. wanna be with u always.. nite my princess.. sliptite.. dream about us dear.. miss u so much.. sayang kamu putri..."

"inget ya, i love u, and i'll do the best that i can do to make you happy"

"ask me how much I LOVE YOU... the answer is 4EVER... ask me if i'll ever LEAVE YOU.. the answer is NEVER... ask me what do i NEED... the answer is YOU... ask what do i WANT.. the answer is be CLOSE TO YOU..."

well.. ini hanya sebuah cerita... cerita sederhana.. tapi mengapa diberi judul "kisah yang tak pernah berakhir??" jawabannya... karena co itu bilang..
"aku mau kamu jadi yang terakhir buat aku..."
hm... akan ada cerita lain..yang lebih mengharukan yang bisa diukir dan diceritakan selama mereka hidup.. yang membuat kisah ini tidak berakhir disini...

Seriously, they thought we're Americans!!

2005-06-21T02:57:00.000+07:00

waiting for the train..

and death metal was the reason why there's a time when we were stuck in a karaoke joint... soon after leaving the RUB Sommerfest... with christoph.. fajar.. and christoph..

Next Blog Entry: Lost in a Modern Maze??

2005-06-14T18:09:00.000+07:00

Listening to: nothin really, i'm in the "Bio und Chemie" building right now, just waiting for the next class (hahah, this is so unnecessary!!)

Right here, right now.. as i write this post, i was listening to the deadly boring lecturer in the University of Dortmund. I found out that most of the lecturers are so boring, just as the usual ones i have back then in my university.. However, despite the intangible boredom that prevailed, predominating my mind to my highest consciousness, came a fun fact when i suddenly realized that even my deepest intuition can never have its place in a plausible, prodigious art of the German architecture. It is when Anisa and I got lost in a modern maze of the mathematic building at Uni Dortmund as we can hardly hold our natural needs to go to the toilet.
It seemed that even our rational interpretations weren't enough to get through the brains of the architect. We couldn't even imagine what kind of things he/she might think about while designing the building in the first place. Well of course we thought that the "D" letter which marks the ladies' toilet must be of somewhere near or closely linked to the "H" mark, indicating the men's toilet. Unsurprisingly, as we follow the half-round-yet-unclearly-formed corridor, it turned out that there's a dead end waiting for us on the edge. Apparently, that "D" mark's available on the so-far-away-other side of the building.. Ain't it confusing? That corridor must be so unnecessary then.. it leads to.. nothing!! yeaaaa!! like what the fuck?..and even worse than that,..before we enterred the class we were so mazed by the fact that their numeral class code has absolutely no sense, so trying to find it otherwise would end up resultless. Besides that,...the map makes no more sense than the numeral code either. i mean, come on, we were dead confused when we enterred the math building supposing to find an M in front of every class number (M for Math,..supposedly),..but when we got there, it turned out that every class in the building starts with an E!! apparently, for some random reason i don't know what,..they have twistedly changed the M to an E,.(and i say once more; what the fuck?)...what's the freaking correlation between an M and an E anyway? they arent even close to each other in our well-known alphabetical order.
Anddd, another fun fact thing is that our statistic class is located underground, which is more similar to that of an underground prison than a so-regarded-modern building.. Anyway, i guess we'll still be dealing with this intricate, complicated, yet marvelous German... thingy.
However, when it comes to analysis, it's interesting to compare our precedent hypothesis about Germany and the Germans in general to the reality we're facing prior to living in Germany and its cultural surface..
Meanwhile, you guys can check out our photographs here but up to now i only have a few of it.. Also dann, bis später!!

.: ThiS iS FeL :.

More to the Independent Woman.. With NO Cordon Bleu, please!!

2005-06-08T16:04:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Black Eyed Peas - Don´t Phunk With My Heart
"I wonder if I take you home.. Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby).. Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby.. Cause you know you got me by a string, baby.."

Wednesday afternoon.. once again here in Bochum, Germany. I´d say it´s more like a fake sunny day, as the sunlight penetrates through my window, while the temperature is actually about 10 celcius degree or even less, and the freezing wind won´t seem to stop. Meanwhile, here I am sitting infront of Alejandro´s laptop, trying hard to finish my assignment as suggested by Kajol, which seems to never get satisfied with our currently-already-54-pages-yet-so-far-from-perfection writing about Afghanistan transnationalisation process.
Well, it is not actually the center of the purpose of this post though.. Despite my excitement of being here in Bochum, my head doesn´t seem to be able to get rid of the sensitivity of the mega full thoughts circling my brain and mind, with regards to the unfinished assignments from my university. I feel mega bored right now.. and therefore I decided to write a posting for my blog.

Alrighty, let me now come up with a story. As a student here, regardless of how spoil I was back then in Jakarta (since every single little thing to do related to cooking and cleaning the house are done by the housemaids), for sure I have to force myself to be so much of an independent woman i´ve never been before.. haha.. Well, there´s a saying that there must always be the first time for everything. That explains.. This afternoon I felt so hungry, and there´s no other way but making lunch by myself, since no one was home. So, in order to feed my nearly empty stomach, unlike the grand, delicious, complete and healthy meals that I always had at Kevin´s place everytime I went there, I decided to make a tuna salad and fry a huge piece of chicken cordon bleu that´s left in the freezer. Of course there´s a consideration that I don´t have plenty of time to cook for the time being.. Apparently, it´s the first time for me to fry a cordon bleu. To tell you the truth, it was a huge mess I was making.. It surprised me so much when that damn gigantic piece made the oil totally bursted and blew up!! It´s as if I was in a war zone that I had to cover myself with a cap of a boiler (which i don´t even know to whom it belongs :P).. It totally freaked me out there!!! And at the end of the extraordinary freaky and extremely anomalous frying, the outer layer of the cordon bleu became totally black.. That was a genuine total disaster.. Moreover, the funny thing was that the inner part of that damn thick piece was still undone!!!! Okay.. i´m being unfair to the cordon bleu. I know there must be some mistake I had done.. but this is so much of an effort to have a lunch!!

So, I then ended up eating a delicious tuna salad, which apparently made me go to the bathroom for more than 3 times!!!! OMG what´s with the food anyway?? Can´t I just have a simple healthy meal I´ve always had?? Honestly speaking, I´ve made meals myself since I came here.. and it turned out that I CAN cook well, thx to Anisa and Jelena.. Well, there´s still a long way to go, and in a period of two months later, I gotta put more efforts for the independent me.. haha, I did everything successfully afterall (of course not to mention the cordon bleu disaster I just had).. laundry done, clean-ups done, let´s figure out what´s more to do later.. Meanwhile, as the time passes by, I´m pretty sure that my sense of belonging to this place is in the process of growing up.. Right now I pretty much miss my family back home.. not to forget Aileen of course.. my beloved best friend.. Hope everything goes well with them.. I´ll call them some time soon. But wait, how´s Gianina?? Well, her mother just told me that she was looking at the map yesterday. She saw Germany on the map and said, “oh mommy aunty Felicia isn't too far from us maybe we can go see her..” Hahahahahahh.. there you go, Gia!! Why don´t you come here visit me?? Hope to see you soon, my lovely niece..
Okay, gotta catch up with Afghanistan thingy again.. later on, lads..

Cheers!!
.: ThiS iS FeL :.

here and now..

2005-05-30T22:32:00.000+07:00

hi everyone.. it's been so long since i last posted to this blog.. well, here i am in germany.. it's really great in here, thx to my summer school friends, we've had looottsss of fun i couldn't even stop laughing, even in that crappy Wohnheim (some kind of student apartment here) when we're doing the laundry.. and not to forget kevin and fajar.. thx guys, i couldn't have made it all without you two.. ;). So, everything IS just great, except for the weather that can change drastically, ranging from 7 to 34 celcius degree.. and wait.. do they call this summer????? jeez..

hmm, got nothin to write for the time being.. don't have much time afterall.. i'm waiting for Jelena and she seems to finish soon.. so i just want to present this lyric of the song i've been listening to.. pls notice this, "somewhere only we know" by keane..

I walked across an empty land, I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet, Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone..
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree.. I felt the branches.
Are they looking at me? Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go??
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go.. Somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

~We're star crossed and can't escape~
.:This Is FeL:.

SeE YoU SoOn HuNi... TaKe CaRe...I'LL MiSs U...

2005-05-21T00:33:00.000+07:00

Hari ini tepat tanggal 20 Mei 2005...
Aku terbangun karena teriakan alarm hp ku... dengan susah payah aku bangkit berdiri... lalu menuju ke kamar mandi untuk melakukan segala aktivitas ku membersihkan segalanya... sesaat aku berpikir.. "Hari ini huni ku akan pergi ke Jerman selama hampir 3 bulan.." yah memang feli akan pergi ke Jerman untuk summer school disana... sejenak ku termenung... bagaimana jika huni ku pergi sekian lama???

Sekitar pukul 10.00 am...
Aku melaju menuju kampus untuk menyerahkan tugas... namun ditengah jalan... terjadi kecelakaan.. akibatnya jalanan macet luar biasa... aku baru tiba di kampus sekitar pukul 12.00.. lagi2 bukannya mengkawatirkan telat ke kampus... aku hanya memikirkan huni... bagaimana jika aku membutuhkan huni tapi huniku tidak ada???

Pukul 12.00 am-3.00 pm...
aku pergi bersama alex, angel, en donny... well... sebenernya kami diajak nonton starwars oleh michael... tapi ntah bagaimana kami nonton tanpanya...(si michael tiba2 gak bisa dateng padahal uda dibeliin tiket!!!!) "bt!!!!" teriak ku dalam hati.. karena ternyata film nya jelek abis.... aku aja ampe tertidur selama 1 jam di dalam bioskop... tiba2 aku teringat kembali dengan huniku... bagaimana kalau selama ini, kami yang selalu melakukan hal bersama-sama.. belanja bersama.. jalan bersama, pokoknya tidak ada waktu buat kami sendirian.. selalu saja berdua... bagaimana jika selama 3 bulan kedepan tidak ada lagi yang menemani ku?? tidak ada lagi canda tawa yang seru???

Pukul 5.30pm..
Kularikan mobilku secepat mungkin menuju airport... walaupun macet banget.. kukeluarkan kemampuanku menjadi seperti supir mikrolet.. "aku tidak mau kehilangan waktu ku yang terakhir dengan huni!!" seruku dalam hati.. mungkin kata2 itu yang menyemangati ku supaya aku dapat melarikan mobilku dengan baik... tiba2 hp ku berdering... terdengar suara huni "ati2 bawa mobilnya ya hun..." duh.... air mata uda mau copot... kalau huni gak ada... uda gak ada lagi yang mengingatkan ku akan kecerobohan2 ku selama ini... lagi2 terlintas kata2 yang membuatku sedih... Bagaimana jika huni gak ada???

Pukul 7.15 pm...
Kuberlari terkepot-kepot.. setelah kuparkirkan mobilku yang agak2 jauh dari gate keberangkatan huni.. kulihat dari kejauhan.."ada dimana huni???" tiba2 ada suara yang memanggilku.."huni...." kutengok ke belakang.. oh... rupanya huni... senang rasanya bisa bertemu dengan dia saat itu... lalu huni masuk kedalam untuk check in...aku hanya bisa melihat punggung huni dari belakang... saat itu air mataku kutahan luar biasa.. tapi yah mau bagaimana lagi.... bagaimana jika ntar kulihat huni pergi?? bagaimana sikapku nanti untuk mengantar kepergiannya???

Pukul 7.30 pm...
Aku nemenin huni makan bakso... kami masi sempet bercanda-canda dan tertawa dengan riang.. tak terlintas di benakku bahwa huni sesaat lagi akan berangkat ke tempat yang jauh... (walaupun hanyan untuk 3 bulan) aku sangat menikmati detik2 terakhir itu... dan tiba2 kami sadar bahwa ini sudah saatnya bagi huniku untuk masuk ke dalam airport yang tidak bisa kujangkau lagi...

Pukul 7.50 pm...
Inilah saat2 yang paling kutakutkan... saatnya huni untuk pergi...
fel: "huniii...huhu... uda mau pisah..."
lin: "huhuhu(sambil bercanda) iya nih hun... gimana donk... hun...."
lalu kami terdiam sesaat.. terdengar teriakan maminya feli yang mengatakan "ayo cepat masuk... ntar terlambat lho..."
aku tidak tahan lagi... well... akhirnya kuputuskan aku harus kuat... rencanaku.. aku akan memeluk huni en say "ati2 ya.." but....
dengan segera kupeluk huni.. tanpa berkata2 kupeluk lagi lebih erat...
lin: "Huni.. i'll miss u... gue sayang lu fel.."
tanpa basa basi tangis ku meledak... aku menangis menggerung2..aku tidak tahan lagi...
fel :"hun... kan 3 bulan cuma bentar... ntar gue telp lu deh dari sana... jangan nangis donk.."
dengan nada yang biasa huni berkata demikian... dalam hati kuberpikir "memang huni tak secengeng diriku... dia memang lebih kuat.. baguslah... itu akan membantu ku untuk tidak terlalu sedih"
setelah berpikir demikian... setelah menangis cukup lama...kulepaskan pelukanku... dan....
ohhh... alangkah terkejutnya aku.... ternyata... HUNI MENANGIS?? huni ku yang begitu tegar... huniku yang tadi masi bicara dengan nada tanpa getaran sama sekali... ternyata sudah dari tadi dia menangis....

akhirnya huni masuk kedalam.. sebelumnya dia harus melewati pemeriksaan terlebih dahulu... setelah selesai huni memandangku... dengan segera aku berteriak "huniii hatii - hatiii yaaaa... gue sayang luuu.." disaksikan satpam2 yang bengong melihatku seperti ini... lalu huni pergi...

Buat sebagian orang.. mungkin jijik membaca kisah ini... tapi buat gue.. ini sangat berarti.. sepanjang jalan kerjaan gue cuma nangis... keingetan moment2 kita saat tertawa bersama.. sedih... ngakak... kesel... saling membela.. saling mengerti.. kenangan2 lucu saat di singapore.. saat kita centil.. saat kita saling menasehati.. saat kita saling curhat... smuanya... smua moment kebersamaan kita... smua ini adalah harta yang tak ternilai bagi gue...

gue sayang banget ama huni... i love you hun.... you're my best friend... hiks... sedih nih... cepetan pulang ya... aileen miss u... aileen love u... aileen always beside u.. walaupun huni jauh... tapi doa gue selalu menyertai lu.... gue akan merindukan momen kita waktu kita ketawa gak berhenti ampe sakit perut... waktu kita saling mencibir.. waktu kita saling perhatian gak jelas.. waktu kita saling menyayangi ampe orang2 geli melihat tingkah kita yang gak jelas...

Huni... just wanna say... See you SOON baby..... love you....

No Way To Say

2005-04-30T07:09:00.001+07:00

"tookute mo chikakute mo itsu mo tonari ni iru" to

The old wound left on me begins to ache
I hide my trembling heart again and pretend to smile
Even in my age now, I'm the same as before, as timid as before
I only learn how to pretend to be strong

Though my heart is filled with feelings to convey
You see, I can't change them into words well
If I had not met you I wouldn't even have such an embarrassing pain

Little by little, I've come to realize that my past never heals
And that it's no use fearing the future I can't refuse
How much more courage do I need to say with my head held high
"This is the only important thing to me" ?

(*) Though I have firm feelings
You see, I can't change them into words as usual
Everyone is living this way, with feelings they can't express
Though my heart is filled with feelings to convey
You see, I can't change them into words well
If I had not met you I wouldn't even have such an embarrassing pain

by: Ayumi Hamasaki
.: This is FeL :.

2005-04-21T12:26:00.000+07:00

with leen's sisters
Posted by Hello

2005-04-21T12:24:00.000+07:00

we're pretty
Posted by Hello

2005-04-21T12:23:00.000+07:00

hanny's bday
Posted by Hello

Happy Bday Gianina!!!

2005-04-20T23:41:00.000+07:00

inka kiss gia

listening to: Ayumi Hamasaki - Connected (this is a super mega great hit!!)
"mikakete, mitsukete.. misedamete iru.. mitsumete, mitorete, mitasarete iru.."

hello everyone!! this is felicia reporting..
Today is a super mega fun day, coz it's holiday o holy God!!! at lasssstttttttt.. i can resttt.
Well, aileen and i got a beautiful day, and tomorrow is also a holiday!! (made by myself haha, i'm supposed to go to university to attend a lecture, but it'll be fine, i'll just have someone sign my presence ;)).. I've just heard that the second lecture will be postponed!! ouuuu i should've spent this nite at aileen's!!! i miss her.. she bought me sushi!! (haha i miss you more now, huni ;p)
ou and i got this pair of shoes (it's purple and i looovvvvvvvvveeeeeee ittt!!!) huhu, have always loved shoes all my life.. makes me mega happy..

and the second news.. i'd like to greet gia happy bday!!! she's 7 years old now.. wanna hug her so bad.. hope she's gonna be a nice, beautiful girl she has always been.. all the best for her!! love her dearly.. anywaysss, i'm so glad that apparently, she likes me too!! ;D
hehe here's some piece of conversation i've just had with valerie, my sister in law..

Val says: you know what gia said about you?
ALways your way says: what?
Val says: she said you're so beautiful, always pretty like you mommy hahahahhahaha
*ohohoooho gia!! i love you even more now!! LOL...*
ALways your way says: wowww.. hahaha.. like youu?
Val says: iya she said like me hahahhahaha
Val says: mungkin yg di bilang like me itu rambutnya, blond gitu hahahhaha
ALways your way says: hahaha bisa jadi!!!
ALways your way says: hehe untung hari terakhir di rmh pondok indah.. klo disini ga tak pulangin

giaaa.. why didn't you say that i'm gonna be a good mother?? haha.. (you wish!!).. yeah i wish i have a daughter just as nice as gia ;).. someday, folks!!

.:This is FeL:.

...iseng...

2005-04-20T22:23:00.000+07:00

listening to: My Vitriol - Always Your Way
"And in my broken jar, all the remains are watered down, and I'm starting to drown.. I wish I could, sometimes I wish I would.. Always your way"
(at first i thought it's another weird britpop song.. as it usually is, haha.. but it turns out to be a very nice one.. try! it keeps you calm in the middle of the nite ;))

posting iseng aj ni.. found this somewhere.. ternyata bhs indo bs jd gak terlalu picisan jg..

Malam sudah menunjukan gelapnya, kini aku terjebak antara celah dan sunyinya malam, tiada suara yang kudengar dan tak ada cahaya yang kulihat.
Namun kurasakan cahaya itu kan tetap terpijar walau redup dalam kegelapan.
Tiada kata yang mungkin terucap jika hati tak lagi dapat mengucap.
Hanya rindu yang kan habisi setiap angan dan keinginan yang tak kan kunjung berlabuh dalam hati.
Mungkin..suatu saat kapal itu kan berlabuh dan membawa hatiku kembali.

Setidaknya.. aku miliki kerinduan tak bertepi yg memabukkan hasrat kehendak selagi bersemayam meramu sekuntum khayalan.
Dimana benih2 kerinduan itu sendiri bersepakat untuk mereguk madu kehidupan di pucuk sengat senja yg mulai mendekati malam dalam perpaduan redup dan remang.. seiring itupun.. hatiku kian berikan nafas abadi cintamu dalam kekekalan jiwa..

.:This is FeL:.

Bring It On!!

2005-04-19T14:22:00.000+07:00

Ferris Hilton and Airris Hilton

We're SeXy, We're cUtE! We're p0puLar tO bo0t!
We're BitChiN', gReAt hAiR! D b0yS aLL LoVe t0 StArE!
We're wAnTeD, We're h0t! We're eVeRytHiN' y0u'rE n0t!
We're pRettY, We're c0oL! We d0miNaTe tHe sCh0oL!
Wh0 are we? JuSt guEsS! GuYs waNna t0uCh OuR cHeSt!
We're r0cKiN'! We sMiLe! AnD mAnY tHinK we'Re ViLe!
We're fLyiN', We JuMp! YoU cAn LoOk bUt dOn'T y0u huMp! Who0!
We're mAj0r, We r0aR! We sWeAr we'Re n0t a Wh0rE!
We cHeEr aNd We LeAd! We aCt LiKe we'Re oN sPeEd!
DoN't hAtE Us cAuSe We'Re beAuTifuL, well We doN't LiKe yOu EitHeR, We're the Hiltons!!
YeaH, we'Re the Hiltons!! hAtE uS c0z y0uR mAn tHinKs We'Re irReSiStibLe'..

2005-04-19T14:17:00.000+07:00

Fel and Leen

"SoMeThInG I NeVer HaD" by:Lindsay Lohan

2005-04-19T13:33:00.000+07:00

Do you see me
Do you feel me like I feel you
Call your number
I can not get through
You don't hear me and I dont understand
When I reach out I dont find your hand

Was it wasted words and did they mean a thing
And all our precious time but I still feel so in between

[Chorus:]
Some day I just keep pretending
That youll say dreaming of a diffrent ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
I keep tell myself things can turn around with time
And if I wait it out you could always change your mind
Like a fairy tale where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes have you lying here again
Then I come back downThey I fade back in
Then I realize its just what might have been.

[chorus]

Am I a shadow on your wall
Am I anything at all
Anything to you
Am I a secret that you keep
Do you dream me while your sleeping after all
Some day I just keep pretending
That youll say dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
That I never hadI wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had

You dont see me,
you dont feel me like I feel you

Note:
"Where are you ??? How are you?? What are you doing now??? I hope you fine... "
They say... as long as at least one person cares for you, life isn't waste, so.... when things go terribly wrong and you feel like giving up... please remember... I CARE....
"I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting, but I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place... I can't help you when you need... I can only love you .... Get well soon.."
Never say you are happy when you are sad... never say you are fine when you are not ok... never say you feel good when you feel bad... and never say you are alone when i'm still alive....
"I LOVE YOU ......"

.:This is LeeN:.

"Surprise, Surprise... I am Pregnant!!!"

2005-04-12T23:36:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Stereophonics - Dakota
"Wake up cold coffee and juice.. remembering you.. what happened to you? I wonder if we’ll meet again, talk about us instead, talk about why did it end.. You made me feel like the one.. Made me feel like the one.."

Good news!!! Finally... haha don't you feel surprised?? ME TOO!!! The thing is.. it's not me who's in pregnancy.. haha.. don't worry, i got an sms from my sister in law (gia's mom).. so, baby's on the way and Gia's gonna be a big sister.. haha i can picture that.. she's so sweet and i'm so glad she's gonna have a sibling.. It is actually hard if you're the only child in the family.. Firstly, you'll have to fulfill your parents' wishes and desires, and have the responsibility to not letting them down. Or in other words, the burden is all yours. Secondly, you're gonna have to rely on yourself in times of trials and rainy days.. lucky if you have someone to support you mentally as well as physically, but how if you don't?? I can't dare thinkin.. Having sibling(s) is of significant need. Besides, it's fun, based on my experience =D, coz we can always have each other to count on. In fact, without my beloved brothers and sisters, i'd say i'm nothing...

So, all the best for Dave, Val, and Gia!!! (and the baby, of course). I love you all dearly... (i miss Gia so bad, and i'm pathetisizing myself by putting her pictures on my wallpapers) T-T

Btw i'm so sleepy all the time.. what the hell is aggravating my health condition?? Perhaps it's because my recently insufficient sleep, due to the more significant need, which is the obligation to complete the institutions' assignments!!!! Well anyway, those anti-depressant and anti-gastritis is working quite well in me.. Off to bed now.. Good nite, folks!! (Spokoinoi nochi)

.:This is FeL:.

So Much for the Institution!!!

2005-04-10T22:47:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Tori Amos - Sleeps With Butterflies
"I'm not like the girls that you've known.. But I believe I'm worth coming home to.. Kiss away night..."

Trapped. I guess nothin can describe more about the agony i've been carving through. Don't you just feel wasted and exhausted while you pledge to dedicate yourself to the irony that has been part of your life. Yes, let me tell you something about irony, it is when you're trapped in the institution and the future it's promising, the proud feeling that you're about to carry a title from one of the (so-called not by me) best university in Indonesia, while what actually happens is exactly one eighty to it. Indeed, institution can absorb the self (you), excruciate your health, consume and confiscate most of your lifetime.
Okay lets get started with the real blog instead of speaking words of condemnation.. haha..
Lets say that i am trapped in the irony of my university. It is like when so many institution things bumped to your head all at once: assignments, competitors, bureaucracy, and those designated lecturers who dedicate their lives to suppress you. All things that i used to endure from my very self.
Point one: assignments. In my opinion, they should be made to present a clear vision of the subject for the students. But instead, their role could be better explained as the obligation that binds the students, which would very likely throw the ones who ain't committed into the deep agony of the execrable academic records. The problem is, they ain't get satisfied with just enough assignments.. there should be more and more!! Let me tell you.. one of my subjects forces us to make a research design as a midtest, which should be completed then by the end of the semester (it means, it will be just equal to a final assignment that we have to finish in order to get the bachelor degree!!-we call it "skripsi". how insane.. they say it is a TRAINING!! in order to get ourselves used to making this kind of research. And of course, we're gonna have to complete another one by the end of our 8th semester). Moreover, those strict deadlines are putting me under pressure!! Well, nobody wants to get dumped from the institution, innit rite?? Therefore, this point consumes my time as well as my energy and health so much (dammit).
Point two: competitors. Up to the general standard, reviews should be written in 3-4 pages, standard margins, times new roman 12. But the students, barely conscious, i'd say, always make 5-6 pages, margins of only 0.7 cm (could u imagine?!), and sometimes with times new roman 11. It's apparently the students themselves who upper the standards, so who's actually to blame? And there's a thing called security dilemma, when you see your friend's paper in the mailist (yes, my email is always full of assignments!!), e.g. one student sees that the other makes a 26 pages of paper, then, she/he will increase the amount of pages for his/her paper (makin it 30 pages). Crazy? hmm.. Therefore, i gotta compete in order to survive.. which consumes even more time and energy.. and health.. (again, dammit). Oh yeah fyi, it's not juz me who's suffering from diseases.. some students suffer even more than i do.. some of them DO suffer from mental disorder.. so i guess i still have more luck..
Point three: bureaucracy. Everything related to bureaucracy is slow moving!!! so indolent!! The bureaucrats, anything.. even the elevators!! Could you believe it. It is due to the slowness of the tuition payment that i have to deal with that goddamn bureaucracy and its substances!!! Therefore (again), it consumes a lot more energy and time, and patience!! Juz imagine, i have to make a letter to my department, and then i was so much ping-ponged until i get 5 (or 6??) letters from different parts of the bureaucracy, just to change my status as a registered student, who have already paid the tuition.. it was so lameeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I hope the explanation could help you picture how much rottenness this institution is suffering from.. And the impact for me, is my health. I can barely believe i was told to have to much stress that my immunity have weakened in such bad weather here in Indonesia. Got a malignancy of headache, and even gastritis that suddenly relapsed when i was in Church!! It was so bad that I could hardly endure it.. No way i would restrain from the pain. So i went home before the communion praying.. so bad.. yeah, although the cute boy beside me had given me his Mass text, and started to talk to me a little.. errrghhh.. this damn institution!!! If you believe in karma, what do you think this institution should suffer more from?? For it has suppressed its students so hard.. hmm there would be a payback someday.. hahaha

.: This is FeL :.

"A DaY In ThE LiFe"

2005-04-07T15:28:00.000+07:00

Today is,
So boring, I might aswell be snoring,
Because I'm living a bad dream,
Cause I'll be, With no react,
Somewho i've run right off track,
So insane, of the mundane,
It makes me wanna scream,

It's a day in life, it'a a link in tha chain,
Beginning the end, they both look the same, round and round,
No new ground, it's a day life, and were down to the game,
Winning or losing, there nothing to gane, round and round,
No new ground,
It's the day in the life,

It's just so, simplistic,
Trying to be optimistic,
That part of me won't give up hope,
Well it my own,
Disfuction,
That always leads to nothing,
But it seems,
It's the only way,
The only way to go,

Cause nothing ever changes anymore,
It makes me wonder what tomorrow for......

.:This Is Leen:.

Missing Gianina.. (I hate farewell!!)

2005-03-26T02:53:00.000+07:00

Gianina, Felicia, and Ivanka
(by the way it's me with naked face, hadn't taken any shower :p.. barely have photograph in such condition)

Singin: Ayumi Hamasaki ft. Tsunku - Love ~since 1999~ (pretty weird title.. but it surely is a great song)
"Tonight, samishikute nemurenai nagai yoru wa.. Anata to no omoi de to, hitori de nemuru.."

After the bad news, now i come with a good news. My niece from LA, Gianina, is visiting Jakarta!! Well it's not necessarily a good news now, since she's leaving tomorrow T-T.
This is the first time of her almost seven years to visit us in Jakarta. Gia is a very decent kid, beautiful (isn't she?? =D), sweet and so lovable!!! I'm so proud of her and I love her very much. It's true.. not to say that I'm not proud with my other niece and nephews (of course I love them all dearly).. I'm just too excited to meet her. Hehe though her accent is so much better than anyone in the house =p.. (fyi. she doesn't speak Indonesian). She talks so much like her father (her deep american accent, I mean..). She also looks very much like him! Moreover, she often speaks about her father.. "you know what, my daddy likes to do this.. and this.. and this..", haha she surely could act so much like her father.. and it makes me miss him more!! Too bad he isn't able to visit us too. Perhaps I'm the one who should pay them a visit *giggles*.. Oh yeah and she's always excited and started to dance everytime she hears my cellphone ringing, coz the ringing tone is Destiny's Childs' Lose My Breath.. Haha she likes them!! That's my niece ;)... And my bro's daughter! I can assure you he's a very good dancer. I remember he used to do 'moonwalking' when I was in junior high..

She's leaving tomorrow morning.. huk huk huk.. I had a great time with her in Surabaya.. It made us close =D.. though it's in the time of condolence. She didn't even complaint when the weather got so damp and rainy there. She's a very nice kid, i can say. If only i were given more time to spend with her.. She told me she'd love to go to the zoo here, but i'm afraid we couldn't make it.. too bad there's not enough time. I know it's not of significant need for her to stay too long, but a week (barely a week!!) is just not enough for me.. Okay I'm being too selfish here.. of course, she gotta go to school..
I already miss her now that she's staying in my sister in law's place in Pondok Indah. That's why I keep writing my blog haha.. though it's late at night.. I mean, common, she's leaving tomorrow.. =(
Anyway, take a good care, Gia, and hope we can meet again some time soon (you know what? I even start to think that I can stand living with her.. haha.. it's weird coz I don't usually really like to be with children for a long time.. esp. to live with them..). But however, I love all my nieces and nephews afterall.. Okay, have to go to bed now.. Sleep tight, Gia.. nitey nite, everyone..

Rest in peace, Grandpa...

2005-03-26T02:24:00.000+07:00

Singin: M2M- The day you went away (been singin it over and over again everyday..)
"well i wonder, could it be, when i was dreaming bout you baby you were dreaming of me.."

First of all, i'm gonna tell you a bad news.. real bad.. and shocking (for me)
It was a rainy day, been raining since morning.. March 22nd, Tuesday.. I went to Rektorat UI to take care of my tuition problem with that damn bureaucracy.. It was a busy day, and I got so many things to do. However, it all didn't matter anymore when my cellphone suddenly rang.. It was my bro who called, he informed me that my grandpa had just passed away in the morning. That time i wasn't that shocked, coz i still couldn't believe (or imagine) it. Soon after, I've left my activities behind, decided to go to Surabaya on that very day, along with my family.

All that left was regret. It's such a shame for me. I can't find the most proper words to express it. I had gone to Surabaya in January, visiting my cousin in Malang for 3 days. But at that time, due to the flood and bad time management, i wasn't able to reach my grandpa's place, coz i was heading back to Jakarta. I could have seen him!!!! It would be the last time!! But, since i didn't see him that time, the last time i met him was 2 years and 8 months ago.. pretty long time, huh..
But then again, what can I do? Regret on the aftermath of someone's death wouldn't change anything. What's dun is dun. So I cry.. And I prayed for him.. Well, I still do..
The thing that shocked me was my first time to see a real dead body, and unluckily it was my own grandpa!!! I was kinda shocked seeing him without 'life'.. I love him, I really do.. I miss him so bad now.. If only I had a digital picture of him. All i have is a picture of 2 years 8 months ago, with my cousins, and him.. He was quite healthy that time, not as skinny and pale as his dead body.. Jeez i really hate it to type that word 'dead'..

Okay, enough of this melancolic time.. one of my bestfriends Anisa had told me that I shouldn't feel bad all the time.. I shouldn't be this sad.. It's not easy though.. but she said "come on Fel, he's in a better place".. Yeah, i really hope he is..

Hope you rest in peace, Grandpa.. Sorry that i hadn't told you much before.. I love you.. and I hope you can hear me.. and I pray to God to forgive all your sins, and deliver you from evil.. instead, I wish you're there, in a better place, with eternal life and happiness around you..
So.. that's it (I really don't know what more to say)..
To my Grandpa: my deepest condolence, my highest respect, my prayers..

.:This is FeL:.

2005-03-12T00:41:00.000+07:00

paris and nicky
Posted by Hello

Girls Like Us and the Sense of Insecurity

2005-03-12T00:40:00.000+07:00

leen and fel
(wew i didn't expect the pic to be so big.. but fine, no prob..)

singin: peter pan - semua tentang kita (is it the right title?)
"ada cerita tentang aku dan dia, dan kita bersama saat dulu kala..."

They call me bitch. I don't know exactly why, aside from some bold opinion i do state sometimes. I am just being honest. Or perhaps it was a lil too bold?
They call paris and nicky bitch. This case nobody wonders why. But unlike paris and nicky, leen and fel don't bitch (dat much) anymore. I'm sick of it. We used to, juz like any other gals out there, but we don't now. Honestly, gals, you should stop seriously. Get some peace in life.. I think we've come to an age where we have to settle down, commit, and be loyal to our ultimate someone. Trust me guys, i'm not trying to impress you here. F*ck it.

Speaking of ultimate someone, I start to feel that i may need it, since i'm kinda uncomfortable with my condition. (I don't know about aileen, but i guess she's feeling the same thing). Let me tell you why.
~This didn't really matter at the beginning, but as time goes by, it surely creates a sense of insecurity for us... and it doesn't feel good at all. Seriously.. (perhaps this is one reason why i like mario's song so much, titled 'let me love you'.. it's about a guy that loves a girl who is mistakenly treated by her boyfriend.. it says "let me be the one to give you everything you want and need. Baby good love and protection, make me your selection, show you the way love's supposed to be...").
Sometimes the type of girls like us meet annoying guys. Actually, the guys that try to reach us usually aren't nice guys. Yeah we can tell, they address us, try to get close to us, doing it all only for some purpose (not literally to get to know us inside and out.. no way). I know not all of them are that bad, but still.. bastardos always around.
It was last week when i went to taman anggrek i had to wait for my friend there. I found out a boy (read: a boy!!! i'm sure he's younger than me) following me all the way around. I turned left, he turned left. I turned right, he did the same. I went in a store, he's obviously waiting outside the store!!!!!!! Jeez i started to freak out. This is not funny. It happened for about 15 minutes. Luckily i succeeded with my art of escaping. (actually it's a long story of what happened next but it's the summary that i give you). After i finally met my friend, when we shopped at the supermarket, i felt so uncomfortable coz i thought a guy behind me was staring at me along the time we queued (fyi it's about 20 minutes coz the line was soooo long). I convinced myself it was juz me, feeling weird. Apparently my friend who waited for me outside insisted that he was watching me all the way in an appropriate manner. It's bothering, ye know. Though i should admit he's cute.. but still.. it's unacceptable..
Second story, i was in a foodcourt with a friend, and it was really crowded since it's a public holiday. Too bad i had to sit infront of a group of boys who keep looking at our table.. chatting for a while.. then looked again.. chatted.. then stared.. it's okay if one or to of em did, but this.. read: ALL the eight of em!!! And after the meal, they pushed one of em right to me!!! MAN!!! Get a life!!!! You better address politely, in an appropriate manner at least to respect the girls!! Then again, not every boys did these kind of annoying thing.
Well this time i don't know where the conclusion should go. These are only some stories to help you picture out how it is when girls like us get out (of course these could only happen when we go without our boy friends, only girls). There are other similar things that have happened to us. I don't know whether this happen only in Indonesia.. don't even know why they should happen. These things have made us somehow a lil bit avoidant to boys. Esp. me, remaining my scepticism all the way. Could there still (possibly) be gentlemen around? Okay i don't know if i'm getting myself clear here. Sorry if it's rather unclear. I'm so tired right now, can't think.. need bed so bad!! My typings' start to screw up.. so, better off to bed now. Nitey nite, guys!!

Ending song: Jamie Cullum - Everlasting Love
"I went away just when you needed me so.. you won't regret i'll come back begging you.. Open up your eyes, then you realise, here I stand with my everlasting love... never be denied, everlasting love.. need a love to last forever..."

And the next post is...

2005-03-09T23:45:00.000+07:00

Singin: Mario - Let me love you (i really love this song)
"You should let me love you, let me be the one to give you everything you want and need..."

Well, here I am again (finally), after about a week unable to access internet from my lovely home. At first I was like ‘what??!!!! No internet connection??!!!’.. I mean, how in the world should I spend my nights?? Ye know that we’re somehow addicted to these things related to internet. In addition, I wasn’t able to finish my assignment by the time I should have finished it since I couldn’t open my mails (it was a group assignment, by the way), which are recently very significant to keep myself informed with the others’ works. We send emails all the time. But apparently, it all went well along with the presentation etc, and I turned out not to be very sad, being unable to connect. I know this would definitely happen someday, coz I kept getting online without considering the limit, hahah.. Anyway, I realized I should’ve been more thankful to what I already have. Juz when I went to the university one day, it was raining heavily outside, and moreover, the bus I rode got all the passengers off near Plaza Semanggi (it hadn’t even reached half of the way!!). I was like dumped on the street, while the shelters are full with ppl (it was raining even more!!). Fortunately, I have my driver to picked me up and dropped me off in the university. Even if I felt that that day wasn’t my day, I was glad I could finally made it to the university. That time I saw so many ppl trapped by the rain, couldn’t make it on time to their destinations. Even more, there are children (who lives on the streets) and beggars who could only walk in the rain, or stayed at a corner, while it was still raining, heavily.. there are also some ppl who were trapped by the rain.
I’m always easily touched by these kinds of thing, well I mean, how could they even earn a living? I myself could never live that way. Sometimes there are things you should ponder, so that in times of bad luck, you’d still be able to be thankful of what you have…

In fact, if you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation... then you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death, you are more blessed than three billion people in the world, who lives in conflicted areas.
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still alive and still married, believe me.. you are very rare… should be grateful about it…
Well I guess that’s it for today. I have to go to bed now. I’ll post another story soon about my presentation of Iraqi regime transition.. it’s kinda interesting though..

.:ThiS is FeL:.

Juz a stop at another weekend...

2005-02-26T23:59:00.000+07:00

singin: Nelly - over and over
"I can’t wait to see you.. Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes.. That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes..."

wew.. it's been a quite interesting weekend this saturday.. one thing, i've just had my hair colored.. (again??) yes.. with brunette and blonde. Brunette is surely a cool-effect color which makes your face looks a lil pale, but it's okay.. actually it is.. 'cool'.. =)
I went to the salon with Aileen, who had previously refused to go coz she said she should attend a class, buy a book, and was quite broke at the time. But then, not long after dropping me off, she came back and also get her hair colored!! but this time we don't use the same color.. she's more yellow and brown than i am.. well i guess she should put a lil consistency in her life.. haha.. coz she always contradicts herself, decide one thing at a time and turns the other way around the other time.. in some case even soon after.. i know she always depends her decision on her feelings for the time being.. that's why she should've put a lil more consistency to improve her way of living.. don't you agree, leen??? huniiiihhhhhhh!!! it's just a lil suggestion, darling, i hav no intention to offend you =).. love you always..

well second thing.. i'm so happy i've just heard that one of my friend france has just got a girlfriend he had been chasing before.. no matter how it happened, ce, i'm so happy for you, congratulations!!!! =D.. hope you two can get along with one another, spend valuable times together while at the same time gain love, respect and admiration to each other, all of which will make you two step forward on another next stage towards adolescence...

yeah i guess that's all.. and for glenny, hope whatever confuses you turns out to be something you don't even need to worry about.. juz remember that you're not alone coz i'm still waiting here for you (to fix my computer screeeennnnnnn!!!!!!! errrrrggggggghh it's so damn dark i couldn't even see my photographs clearly..).. okay end of the end of the note.. sleep tight, lil kid =D..

.:This is FeL:.

The tides i've been tryin to swim against

2005-02-17T22:34:00.000+07:00

AYUMI HAMASAKI - DUTY
(I always love her songs, and she writes beautiful words.. juz wonderin if she ever gets the idea of it from her personal experiences she had been through.. it's sad, ye know..)

dare mo ga sagashite hoshigatte iru mono
"sore" wa itsuka no mirai ni aru to
boku mo minna mo omoikonde iru yo ne na no ni ne
masaka kako ni aru da nante ittai dore hodo no hito kidzukeru darou
yosou mo tsukanai

tashika ni hitotsu no jidai ga owaru no oboku wa
kono me de mita yodakedo tsugi ga
jibun no ban datte koto wa shiritaku nakatta n da

sou da ne mou sukoshi kamikudaite mite
tsutaeta nara "sore" wa kioku o
tada tsunagete narabeta dake tte koto ni
naru yo ne da to shita nara dare mo ga minna
shiranai uchi ni te ni shite iru no darou kara
kidzuite hoshii yo

tashika ni hitotsu no jidai ga owaru no o boku wa kono me de mita yo
soshite tsugi wa jibun no ban datte koto moshitte iru hontou wa
kimi nara mitsukete kureru darou kimi nara mitsukete kureru to
shinjite kakete miru yo
tashika ni hitotsu no jidai ga owaru no o boku wa kono me de mita yo
dakedo tsugi ga jibun no ban da tte koto wa
shiritaku nakatta n da

Translations:
Everyone is convinced that that "thing" they're searching for is in the future.
But how many people have realized that "it" is actually in the past?
I can't even guess.

I saw the end of an era with my own eyes.
But I didn't want to know that it's my turn next.

If, after simplifying it a bit more,
you think that "it" merely connects and arranges memories,
then wouldn't everyone already have "it?"
I want you to realize that.

I saw the end of an era with my own eyes.
And in truth, I actually do know that it's my turn next.
You'll find me, won't you? I'm betting that you'll find me.
I saw the end of an era with my own eyes.
But I didn't want to know that it's my turn next.

"Nobody said it was easy.. No one ever said that it would be this hard.. Oh take me back to the start.." -Coldplay
.: This is FeL :.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone..

2005-02-11T14:30:00.000+07:00

Firstly i'd like to greet everyone happy Chinese New Year.. hope this year of Rooster brings you all good luck, happiness, and be a year full of blessings.. Well since i ain't really got relatives here in Jakarta, there was just me and my family to celebrate the day.. we were only out for lunch but it was fun.. i always love gathering with my family, since we don't really have enough time for each other.. i love em all dearly..

Listening to: Lustra - Scotty doesn't know
"Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me do it in my van every sunday... Scotty doesn't know.. so don't tell Scotty.."

ahahha.. i really like the movie.. actually i already got the song from my friend Kebo long time ago, but i've just realised it's the soundtrack of Eurotrip.. I've just seen the movie (i've seen it three times now) and i likeeeeee it so muchh. It surely made my stomach hurts so bad lol... meanwhile my tears were streamin down my face.. you guys should really watch it..
I love the part when the Italian guy (or gay) got in their compartement.. watch what he did along the tunnels.. hahaha.. jeez what a movie.. and that hooligans, the repeated-all-the-time song, the robot, and 'der erniedrigte Osteuropa' (Eastern Europe is seen so poor).. yeah what a movie.. huahm.. juz wanna show you this photograph taken at gloss.. mmhh i kinda miss Aileen today.. alrighty.. off to bed now.. nitey nite, everyone...

the hiltons at gloss...

Dedicated to my huni Aileen...

2005-02-08T18:49:00.000+07:00

listening to: Coldplay - In My Place
"I was scared, i was scared, tired and under prepared, but i'll wait for it.. if you go, if you go, leave me down here on my own, then i'll wait for you.. singin please, please, please, come back and sing to me, to me, to me..."

I'm here Leen, beside you.. always.. so don't be afraid..

In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you'll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go feel not the pain of parting: it is them who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was.At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that's the way love goes. That's the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love. After all, nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us even knowing why. And we must forget not because we want to but because we have to.
In letting go, sorrows come not as a single spy but in battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always reminds you of him. It's like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine, there are billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.
I don't know if it's worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all love stories end with "...and they live happily ever after." Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to suffer if it would mean happiness for others. We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pains.
Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It's something we can't control, something we had to live up. It's over. He's/shes gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesn't always mean forever (Amen...). There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled.
Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go" -- Herman Hesse
~Dear God i hope you're buried next to me
.: This is FeL :.

OuR TeRRiFiC SiNGaPoRe tRiP

2005-02-02T01:43:00.000+07:00

listening to: Jojo - Leave (Get Out)
"get out, right now, it's the end of you and me.. it's too late, now i can't wait for you to be gone.."

It’s been quite a long time since we last posted. And now we’re back to tell our story. Hmm where should I start.. A lil bit confused coz I don’t regularly treat a blog as a diary, but this time Leen is too lazy to get her hands on the keyboard typing about our journey.. We just got back from Singapore (well in fact it’s been about a week now).. and we’re kinda sick of malls haha.. We were in Singapore for 6 terrific days. It was very fun!!
The first day we got there, we set our destination to city hall right after we put our belongings in Pak Har’s place (it was truly a great place to stay, haha). We spent our nights there with his family, where Aileen found it quite effective to cure her homesickness (yeah she got that sickness just after a night staying away from her family, haha.. she's definitely unable to study abroad.. =D).. There was this cute lil kid named Justine who always follows her (there are 3 children in the family), and she felt just like home where she also has lil sisters. Besides, she had me all the way, haha so that she wouldn’t be that lonely. In fact, we’re almost always together, not separated more than 5 minutes for that 6 days. We even went to the bathroom together!!! (okay this started to turn into a kind of ridiculous friendship lol...). This first day (and the nexts!!!) we spent more than what we should (yeah that was so presumable).. I’d even already bought two pairs of shoes. That day we went together with Pak Har’s family, but the days after, we tried not to depend on them, we didn’t feel good to bother them too much, in fact they’ve been really nice. It felt like a sort of adventure when we had to seek for a bus shelter and ended up on Beach rd. But later on then, we succeeded to go shopping and get home totally by ourselves since it wasn’t that hard to remember the ways. We have Tante Aling to accompany us sometimes. She’s a very nice and modest person we love to be with, who often played a role as our designated tour leader. Huhuhu, we miss you very much, Tante..
The days after, we went shopping all the way around Orchard Road, Bugis Junction, City Link, Raffles City, Seiyu, and so on.. (I don’t remember all the places we had been). The foods are great!! I miss em already. I really love its noodles with chopped mixed meats, and also its hainan rice, prata, and so on and so on (slllrrrrppp, uuuuhh!!!).
We went shopping every whole day, but too bad we didn’t have a place to rest our exceed tired feet, since the place we stayed is located on the west coast and pretty far from the central. I really felt they’re tortured over the limit, which began to be too tired esp. on the 3rd day and after. And like i've presumed, we spent more than we should. But besides our diagnosed shopaholic behavior, the prices there are also to blame.. (haha isn't it a good excuse??)
What should be noted is our unique experience with MRT (subway train), which definitely has bad and bothering smell of (presumably) armpits!! It surely has deeply penetrated to those trains!! LoL… I remember when we could not stop laughing at each other coz we’re trapped in the middle of two or three armpits of people which smells very much (it’s undescribable!!! I could hardly breathe and you can’t even imagine how Leen’s face looked like) ahaha I miss those times though..
To sum up, we really enjoyed our travel. Everything was just great. Well not really everything. One thing should remind us not to take Emirates anymore. The plane is fine, it’s a nice one, but the people taking on that plane were just as bad as the regularly-taking-Indonesian train people!! Please, lets not take this as any sort of discrimination towards religion, since those people are the people who just got back from Saudi Arabia to fulfill their religious needs. In fact, we’re very open to them. What bothered was their attitude. Perhaps it’s because of their lack of education. They made Changi Airport (particularly the toilets near their boarding gate) very very dirty. The janitor even complained to me in Chinese when she saw me entering the toilet (I don’t know why coz I think my face is more to Malayan than Chinese). It’s quite funny though, since she complained along the time I was in the toilet without knowing that I didn’t understand a single word she had said.. haha.. I was just nodding and said “okay”, without having a chance to interrupt her to tell her I don’t speak Chinese..
Yeah I guess that’s all I can share about or trip.. overall it was terrific. And it surely made us (FeL and Leen) get to know each other better.
Fyuhh, this post has been pretty long, and i gotta off to bed now..

Ending song: Ada Band - Manusia Bodoh
"kadang akal sehat ini tak cukup membendungnya. Hanya kepedihan yang slalu datang menertawakanku... mencoba bertahan sekuat hati, layaknya karang yang diam pasang ombak.. tapi sampai kapankah ku harus menanggungnya, kutukan cinta ini..."
.:ThiS is FeL:.

TrUe LoVe...In a Different Way

2005-01-16T09:30:00.000+07:00

Kenapa kita menutup mata ketika kita tidur?
Ketika kita menangis?
Ketika kita membayangkan?
Ketika kita berciuman?
Ini karena hal terindah di dunia TIDAK TERLIHAT...
Kita semua agak aneh...dan hidup sendiri juga agak aneh...
Dan ketika kita menemukan seseorang yang keunikannya SEJALAN dengan kita..
Kita bergabung dengannya dan jatuh ke dalam suatu keanehan serupa yang dinamakan CINTA..

Ada hal2 yang tidak ingin kita lepaskan..
Orang2 yang tidak ingin kita tinggalkan...
Tapi ingatlah...
Melepaskan BUKAN akhir dari dunia..
Melainkan awal suatu kehidupan baru..
Kebahagiaan ada untuk mereka yang menangis, mereka yang tersakiti, mereka yang telah mencari...dan mereka yang telah mencoba..
Karena MEREKALAH yang bisa menghargai betapa pentingnya orang yang telah menyentuh kehidupan mereka.

CINTA yang AGUNG?
Adalah ketika kamu menitikkan air mata dan MASIH peduli terhadapnya..
Adalah ketika dia tidak mempedulikanmu dan kamu MASIH menunggunya dengan setia..
Adalah ketika dia mulai mencintai orang lain dan kamu MASIH bisat ersenyum sambil berkata 'Aku turut berbahagia untukmu'
Apabila cinta tidak berhasil...BEBASKAN dirimu...
Biarkan hatimu kembali melebarkan sayapnya dan terbang ke alam bebas LAGI..
Ingatlah... bahwa kamu mungkin menemukan cinta dan kehilangannya..
Tapi..ketika cinta itu mati..kamu TIDAK perlu mati bersamanya...

Orang terkuat BUKAN mereka yang selalu menang..
MELAINKAN mereka yang tetap tegar ketika mereka jatuh.
Entah bagaimana...dalam perjalanan kehidupan, kamu belajar tentang dirimu sendiri.. dan menyadari bahwa penyesalan tidak seharusnya ada.
HANYALAH penghargaan abadi atas pilihan2 kehidupan yang telah kau buat.

TEMAN SEJATI...
Mengerti ketika kamu berkata 'Aku lupa..'
Menunggu selamanya ketika kamu berkata 'Tunggu sebentar'
Tetap tinggal ketika kamu berkata 'Tinggalkan aku sendiri'
Membuka pintu meski kamu BELUM mengetuk dan berkata 'Bolehkah saya masuk?'

MENCINTAI...BUKANlah bagaimana kamu melupakan..
Melainkan bagaimana kamu MEMAAFKAN..
BUKANlah bagaimana kamu mendengarkan..
Melainkan bagaimana kamu MENGERTI..
BUKANlah apa yang kamu lihat..
Melainkan apa yang kamu RASAKAN..
BUKANlah bagaimana kamu melepaskan..
Melainkan bagaimana kamu BERTAHAN..
Lebih berbahaya mencucurkan air mata dalam hati...
Dibandingkan menangis tersedu2..
Air mata yang keluar dapat dihapus..
Sementara air mata yang tersembunyi menggoreskan luka yang tidak akan pernah hilang..

Dalam urusan cinta, kita SANGAT JARANG menang..
Tapi ketika CINTA itu TULUS,
Meskipun kalah, kamu TETAP MENANG
Hanya karena kamu berbahagia..dapat mencintai seseorang..
LEBIH dari kamu mencintai dirimu sendiri..
Akan tiba saatnya dimana kamu harus berhenti mencintai seseorang.
BUKAN karena orang itu berhenti mencintai kita
MELAINKAN karena kita menyadari bahwa orang itu akan lebih berbahagia apabila kita melepaskannya.

Apabila kamu benar2 mencintai seseorang ,jangan lepaskan dia..
Jangan percaya bahwa melepaskan SELALU berarti kamu benar2 mencintai MELAINKAN...BERJUANGLAH demi cintamu
Itulah CINTA SEJATI
Lebih baik menunggu orang yang kamu inginkan
DARIPADA berjalan bersama orang 'yang tersedia'
Lebih baik menunggu orang yang kamu cintai
DARIPADA orang yang berada di sekelilingmu
Lebih baik menunggu orang yang tepat kerena hidup ini terlalu singkat untuk dibuang dengan hanya dengan 'seseorang'

Kadang kala,
Orang yang kamu cintai adalah orang yang PALING menyakiti hatimu
Dan kadang kala,
teman yang membawamu ke dalam pelukannya dan menangis bersamamu adalah cinta yang tidak kamu sadari.

and now find U'r Love ..........

.:This is LeeN:.

"OnLy HoPe"

2005-01-12T18:26:00.000+07:00

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only YoursI pray
to be only Yours I pray
to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

~~Don't ever say "Oh God I have a big problem" but "Hey Problem... I have a Big God"~~

.:This is LeeN:.

Relationship Bites... apprehending the imponderables

2005-01-12T01:49:00.000+07:00

singin: Christian Bautista - The Way You Look At Me
"your eyes say everything without a single word.. coz there's something in the way you look at me.. it's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece.."

A lot of things in life just don't come that easy. We must fight for what we really want. On the other side, you gotta know you can't have everything. And at the end of the day, if you do realize, we learn things the hard way.
EXPERIENCE is a hard teacher - It always gives you the test first then teach you a lesson.

Now, here's something to ponder about relationships and my own personal being...
No. 1 : Until you resolve past relationships, you are not free to have future relationships. Can't seem to meet the right person? You likely have unresolved past relationships holding you back from attracting people.
No. 2 : If you feel empty, trying to date and find a mate will most likely make you feel even emptier. Desperately looking for a relationship, with some part of your life on hold? People sense neediness and stay away.
No. 3 : True sexual intimacy has very little to do with how the body looks. Rather, it has everything to do with emotional intimacy and trust. No matter what size or shape your body has, you can still be loved. People feel attracted to a wide range of body types and sizes.
No. 4 : It's much easier to be yourself than to be what you think others want you to be. If you are not being yourself, you are doing yourself a disservice. Our pretenses never really fool anyone. People somehow see right through us anyway.
No. 5 : A relationship with a foundation of dishonesty, deception or the withholding of information is like a house of cards. As such, it will most likely fall at the slightest provocation. One of the main reasons relationships fail is that the two people can't be honest with each other. It is not that most people lie, but that most people do not know how to tell the truth about their feelings and needs. Once you start lying, you must lie forever. Remember this... A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
No. 6 : Being a people-pleaser is not an effective way to create good relationships. Acting for others is actually just an effective way to be taken advantage of. Many singles give their potential partners too much in order to entice them into the relationship. People rarely stay in relationships only because of what they can get from you. Giving over the top only buys love and affection on a temporary basis.
No. 7 : Until you realize that a great relationship is created by who you are, you won't have one. It is your most natural, authentic self that will attract the relationship you want. It is again who you are in that same authentic way that will give you the power to shape a relationship to be infinitely fulfilling. This may sound too idealistic and irrational (in this sense esp. coz it comes from me, haha), but i believe we gotta have faith though, whilst searching still for that ultimate someone.
No. 8 : Until you love yourself enough to take care of your needs, no one else will. People who look for a relationship to fulfill needs and hopes are looking for heartache. Dating and relationships are not about fulfilling needs -- that is what friends, family and you are for.
No. 9 : What people do to you is rarely about you and is almost always about them. Don't take the actions of others personally. This is a profound truth because once you grasp it, your relationships will be transformed.

I really really like the last 2. I believe in loving yourself before others can love you. And this also applies in the same theory whereby you must learn to love yourself before you know how to love others. Its bullshit when someone you love tells you he loves you more than he loves himself. Time will tell, dear..
Everything in Life happens for a reason. At the end of the day, take it as a lesson learnt. I've experienced horrid stuff before, but then, I'm glad that I've been through it and I survived. In a way, I become a stronger person. What can't kill you will make you stronger. Everything that happens in this world has no absolute good or bad. Sometimes good things turned out to be bad things eventually while bad things become a gain. Whatever good things happen to you, enjoy it, but don't have to hold too tight to it, treat it as a surprise in your life. Whatever bad things happen to you, doesn’t have to make you feel sad or despair. In the end, it might not be a total bad thing after all. If you understand this, you will find life much easier. Juz take things easy, for what has to happen will happen. Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it..

~We're star crossed and can't escape
.: ThiS is FeL:.
singin: Trademark - Only Love
"But only love can say, try again or walk away.. But i believe for you and me.. The sun will shine one day.. So i'll just play my part.. And pray you'll have a change of heart.. But i can't make you see it through.. That's something only love can do.." (wow saatnya melankolis lol... ini lagu kenangan lama lhooo... enak sih tp jgn kya gini ya coz it hurts real bad)

R E L E A S E D...

2005-01-07T21:47:00.000+07:00

singin: Lindsay Lohan - Rumors
"i don't understand why would you wanna break me down.. i'm only having fun..." (duh ni lagu enak boooww)

Post kali ini penulis tujukan untuk menyampaikan terima kasih, sehubungan dengan keadaan penulis yang sedang lega karena sudah melewati semester 5 ini dengan selamat sentosa.
Pertama-tama saya ucapkan terima kasih kepada institusi dan badan-badan yang mendukungnya, yang telah memberi saya begitu banyak ilmu (huekkk) dan tugas-tugas yang relevan dengan tujuan perkuliahan.
Kemudian kepada (aduh apaan sih nih) sahabat-sahabat saya hehe baik yang dr Congo sampai nun jauh di Kelapa Gading sana. Buat sahabat, berjuanglah!! jalan menuju perdamaian di Congo semakin terbuka lol.. eh thx ya ud ngingetin gue jadwal2 kuliah pengganti meskipun ga ngingetin jadwal pengumpulan HI Amrik!!!!!!!! fyuhhh.. juga buat segala teori lo hehe.. akhirnya kita bisa nulis blog nih..
buat huniiiiii ^^ thx bgt buat semuanya.. thank God i found you, just when i needed you the most.. huniii gue sayang loooo sini hunii i miss you much babe.. sorry to have kept you waiting for such a long time (huniii!! cuma seminggu ya babehhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!) dasar ga sabarannn!!!! huniku sayang ayo kita jalan2 skrg gue ud ad waktu buat elo babe.. gue anterin deh kemana jg, gue temenin huni... (dengan gaya memelas kita).. see you soon.. (alah besok jg ketemu!!!)
buat glenny, hehe klo lo sih ud speechless kli ya, soalnya dia sabar banget tiap kali nemenin gue nunggu aer panas, dan turut meng-countdown jumlah tugas yang harus diselesaikan hahaha.. thx lho glenny, juga untuk jasa lo ngebangunin gue jam SETENGAH EMPAT PAGI saat gue harus bangun JAM SATU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha gue bener2 ga bangun tuh dasar glenny jelek.. akibatnya tugas gue keteter tapi selesai juga hufff...
buat keluarga gue jelas, huhu i love you all very much, termasuk nat yg tiap pagi bikin semangat heheh.. klo dia dateng rasanya seneng biar kata sibuk jg.. sorry ya nat kadang2 dicuekin..
hehe last but not least buat mas Ananta yang dengan kehadirannya saja sudah memberi motivasi jiwa wakakkakaka (apalagi si Senia mah ud seneng bgt).. Anda sungguh mencerahkan hari2 saya lol...
ou ya ga lupa buat oknum CPJ yang meskipun membenci saya tapi sudah rela memberikan reviewnya untuk kerangka teori, selalu perhatiin gue pulang naik apa, dan ngambilin hasil2 ujian gue, oh ada lagi, ngambilin bahan2 gue di jurusan, ngingetin tugas dan kuis2.. hmm banyak juga jasa dia.. but how does it feel, friend, to have your secret disguise behind your lies??? hmm sudahlah.. never regard you as a burden anyway..

ah uda dulu deh bingung mo nulis apa lagi huahhmmm.. laters, everyone...
.: ThiS is FeL :.

Hmm.. juz a lil' story..

2005-01-01T01:17:00.000+07:00

Hey guys.. check out this story.. iseng aj nih gue ngepost ginian hehe baru nemu nih cerita pernah bikin gue nangis bbrp taon lalu.. pokonya berkesan bgt deh buat gue.. hmm kenangan lama, just enjoy =)

Dear Diary,
Hai Di, udah lama vella ngga nulisin kamu yah, banyak banget yang vella mau ceritain ke kamu Di. Tadi pagi vella sama temen2 ngomongin cowok masing-masing. Di masih inget sama evan kan? cowoknya vella? Vella malu banget deh sama dia. Dia soalnya ngga kayak cowok2 temen vella yang lain Di.
Sebel deh sama evan, Bayangin deh Di, semua minusnya evan nih yah: Minus 10 karena dia ngga punya handphone!!! padahal cowok2 temen vella yang lain punya handphone. Minus 10 karena dia ngga dibolehin nyetir mobil sama ortunya karena belum 17, padahal cowok2 temen vella yang lain biar sama2 smp udah boleh bawa sendiri !!!!! Minus 10 karena dia itu rambutnya cuma cepak biasa, padahal cowok2 temen vella yang lain itu rambutnya gaya abhies, spike gitu.. Minus 10 buat dia karena dia itu ngga suka ke tempat2 dugem Di! padahal vella suka banget ke sana, malu banget ngga sih punya cowok kayak gitu.. Minus 10 buat dia lagi Di! karena dia ngga punya satu pun jaket xsml padahal cowok2 temen vella yang lain sering banget belanja disana , kalau dia sih paling pake bajunya bangsa bangsa jacket yang merek FILA(idih banget ngga sih Di!) Minus 10 banget ( dan yang ini banget banget banget !!!! ) karena dia masih suka bawa makanan dari rumah buat makang siang ke sekolah ! gila yah DI malu2in banget ngga sih !!!!!!!!
Sumpah yah Di , vella malu banget sama dia, kayaknya mau putus aja deh Di..

Dear Diary.. hari Ini valentine, pas Evan ke kelas vella mau kasih kado, vella cuma diem aja . Seharian itu Di, vella ngindarin dia abis-abisan, dia bingung gitu kayaknya Di, kenapa vella ngindar terus. Sampe rumah dia nelepon vella, Vella males tapi ngomong sama dia Di, vella suruh pembantu bilang ke evan kalau vella belum pulang. Dia nelepon 4 kali hari itu tapi vella males nerima. Kira-kira 3 harian deh kayak gitu, tiap di sekolah vella ngindarin evan pake cara ke wc cewek lah atau ngumpet2 lah, dan di rumah vella selalu ngga mau nerima telepon dari dia, kayaknya vella bener-bener udah ilfeel dan malu pacaran sama dia Di! Akhirnya waktu itu hari Senin, Seperti biasa pas disekolah, Vella ngindarin dia. Pas pulang sekolah vella ngumpul di kantin sama temen2 vella. Mereka pada nanya kok vella ngindarin evan terus Vella diem aja, tapi setelah didesak akhirnya Vella ngaku jugaVella ngomong, " Ah bete banget gue sama tuh cowok, udah ngga ada modal mendingan gaul , dan mukanya setelah gue pikir2 biasa banget, ya ampun kok gue dulu mau yah jadi sama dia? dipelet kali yah gue!! "tiba tiba semua pada diem dan ngeliat ke arah punggung vella, Vella bingung dan nengok di, yaTuhan Di ! ternyata ada evan di belakang Vella dan kayaknya dia denger yang vella baru ucapin barusan. Vella cuma bisa diem tapi vella sempet ngeliat Evan sebentar. Dia diem, mukanya nunduk ke bawah terus dia pelen2 pergi dari situ. Vella diem aja, ada beberapa yang ngomong "hayoloo vel , dia denger lho!!" Tapi ada juga yg ngomong, " Udahlah vel , baguslah denger, ngga ada untungnya tetep sama dia, ntar elo juga bisa dapet yg lebih bagus. "Bener juga yah Di. Ya udah vella cuek aja, syukur deh kalau dia denger!!! Dia mau minta putus juga ayo, mau banget malah vella.

Dua hari pun berlalu Di, dan sejak saat Evan udah ngga berusaha nyamperin vella di sekolah atau nelepon vella. Tiap ketemu di sekolah dia cuma diem dan ngelewatin vella aja.. Seminggu berlalu, 2 minggu berlalu sejak hari itu, vella mulai ngerasa ada sesuatu yang ilang Di, ngga tau kenapa Vella mulai ngerasa kehilangan sesuatu, kadang2 vella suka bengong bingung sendiri, cuma vella berusaha ilangin perasaan itu. Vella ngga tau kenapa jadi males kemana mana, pengennya sendiri aja, males ngapa-in. Semua orang jadi bingung kenapa Vella berubah jadi kayak gini. Vella sendiri juga ngga tau kenapa Di.

Dear Diary, Minggu malem nih Di, Ujan deres banget, Vella diem dan ngerenung di dalam kamar. Tiba tiba di channel Vada lagunya Janet JaCkson Di ! Tau kan liriknya?
"Doesn't matter what the eyes is seeing, Cause im in love with the Inner being..."
Saat itu tiba-tiba Vella nangis Di, Vella baru sadar.... Betapa baiknya evan..... Vella nangis -senangisnya Di, karena vella baru sadar betapa begonya vella... Minus 10 karena evan ngga punya Hp Di, tapi plus100 karena dia tiap malem rela jalan jauh ke wartel buat Nelpon Vella ngucapin selamat tidur setiap hari....... Minus 10 karena dia ngga dibolehin nyetir mobil sama ortunya karena belum 17 Di, Tapi plus 100 karena tiap malem minggu dia rela naik sepeda jauh dari kemang ke bona indah khusus ngapelin vella biar ujan sekalipun,..... Minus 10 karena dia rambutnya cuma botak biasa dan ngga suka di spike, tapi plus 100 karena dalam keadaan rambut vella apapun baik bagus maupun lagi jelek, mau salah potong atau salah blow atau salah model dia selalu bilang vella cantik banget.... Minus 10 karena dia ngga suka ke tempat dugem Di, tapi plus 100 karena dia rela nemenin vella ke tempat2 kayak git , meski dia ngga suka dan rela dimarahin ortunya karena pulang pagi nemenin vella... dengan naik taksi ke rumahnya..... Minus 10 karena eVan ngga punya jacket xsml dan hanya punya jacket fila biasa, tapi plus 100 karena kalau ujan di sekolah dia selalu minjemin vella jacketnya meski dia sendiri kedinginan...... Minus 10 karena dia bawa makan siang ke sekolah, tapi plus 100 karena ternyata nabung uang jajan makan siangnya buat beli kado valentine buat vella......
Dari 60 minus yg evan punya Di, dia punya 600 Plus di hati Vella.... dari 1000 kekurangan evan, diapunya semilyar kebaikan...... ya Tuhan Di, betapa begonya vella yah..... vella yang berutung sebenernya punya cowok evan, dan vella juga yang nyakitin evan, padahal ngga pernah sekalipun dia nyakitin vella. Malemnya vella nangis lama banget Di..

Dear Diary, Vella ketemu sama evan di sekolah. Vella kejar diadan bilang vella mau ngomong, Evan diem aja, tapipulang sekolah dia nanya vella mau ngomong apa. Vella kasih dia kartu buatan vella, vella cium pipi dia dan vella bilang minta maaf karena vella udah nyakitin dia. Dia cuma diem aja terus pulang.... Vella cuma bisa diem karena sadar, vella yangberbuat, vella juga yang kehilangan... Sakit banget rasanya Di, Vella pulang sekolah nangis tapi juga sadar itu semua Vella yang bikin dan vella pula yang nanggung resiko-nya...
Malem itu tiba tiba mama ngetok pintu kamar vella, katanya ada telepon. Ternyata bener Di itu evaN, dia udah maafin vella, dia udah lupain semuanya..... aduh Di, girang banget hati vella, hihihihihi senengnya.. Nanti malem Evan mau kesini Di, dan vella mau dandan secantik-cantiknya buat evan, jadi Vella udahan dulu yah Di...... thx banget udah denger curhat-nya vella, Vella belajar satu hal Di, Hargailah apa yang kamu miliki sekarang, karena tanpa kamu sadari , kamu begitu beruntung telah memilikinya..

Selamat malem diaryku.....
NB: Minus 10 Di, karena mukanya tidak tampan, tapi plus 100 karena hatinya luar biasa tampan......
Vella-Nya Evan
"Doesnt' Really Matter what the eyes is seeing
cause i'm in love with the inner being..."

Gimana?? hehe cupu bgt ya, abg abis.. however she learnt her lesson.. dan emang bener, klo kita kadang2 baru bisa ngerasa klo apa yg kita punya itu berharga saat kita udah keilangan.. haha.. and it hurts as hell.. but then again, ga akan ada berlian yg bersinar kan klo ga diasah =).. (slrrpp.. matrenya mulai kluar, lol...) so hargailah apa yang udah lo punya..

~We're star crossed and can't escape
.: ThiS is FeL :.

.: FELiz Navidad!! :. Prospero año y FELicidad.. what a wonderful season

2004-12-26T01:04:00.000+07:00

singin: Kenny G & Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful World

MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYSSS!!!!!!!!!!! I do hope the blessings of christmas be yours!!! Coz i believe, that eventhough life gives you few reasons to cry, God gives you numerous reasons to smile!! so.. gotta smile and cheer up!! And this time, may all acquaintances be forgot and never brought to mind ^-^
It's a really wonderful christmas this year i can hardly believe i've just had one.. hmm.. how should i tell ya.. well actually there's nothin very special.. i spent my time with my family whom i barely meet, and even aileen!! (haha as always, rite?). Yeah i spent a whole day (normally i'd be using the word 'wasted' coz i was out a whole day chillin, havin fun as if i had spare time instead of stayin rite before my beloved-under-certain-conditions computer, finishing my bunch of assignments!!).. well it's okay though, even for the fact that currently i'm busy writing this post haha.. it's alrite it only takes a few minutes.. okay, go on..
This christmastime, i feel that there's a lil difference, for i really feel love around me (yeah can you believe it?! even the so-called-realistic me could feel this kind of thing.. lol).. but yeah, true, that today is very special for me. Everything's going justttt fine and wonderful. I was thinking that perhaps it's only because i barely had enough time for myself that i felt so good as i finally had fun. But i rather take it as a christmas blessing specially made for me, haha (hm it's too hard and too long to describe what had happened today that made me so happy), but true, i'm feeling happiness on this very day, the feeling i barely feel since about the half end of this year.. fyuhh..
I gotta let ya know, i received a christmas present from my sister in law, which she put under the christmas tree lol.. i guess she noticed that i put my shoes under the tree since about 3 days before xmas.. haha.. and i even wrote a letter in a well-sticked envelope dedicated to 'mein lieber Gott' and i put it on the tree, but of course no one can read it.. generally it's about my hope for the next year and beyond.. :D.. playin childishly, aren't i? (can't even believe myself that i'm telling you this story proudly).. well as a matter of fact lets just accept my extraordinary behavior as 'just begging'.. ;P.. hope next year could be a better year.. at least i have faith this time, as a notion of the optimism i finally get, that everything's gonna be alrite.. yes, it's gonna be just alrite, dear.. even for you too!! ^-^
OU yeah i almost forgot!! how could i!! You GOTta know this, gotta believe this.. yeahhhhh.. it's a fact about a disease called 'Aileen's syndrome in times of hunger'!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ye know whatt, this afternoon she told me that she didn't want to have anything when i asked her what she'd like to have for lunch coz she's already very full. But about 5 to 10 minutes later she had a pack of sushi (i guess it contains 8 or 10 pieces).. then she told me that actually she had had a pack of instant noodle in the morning and two portions of lunch, namely 'tenderloin steak' and 'fish and chips' (for you to note, each of em is a whole portion for a person) which she bought in the afternoon before meeting me.. AND thennnnnnn, further and even more, when she picked me up as i finished with christmas mass at my church, we went to pizza hut, where she DID finish a large portion of fettucine (mixed with a BOTTLE of permesan cheese), one portion of tortilla rice (twice my lunch size), 2 bruschettas, and a piece of pizza (which she ordered to be specially added with cheese and smoked beef).. fyuhh my God, i even feel very full as i'm writing this.. well it's fine though, it is not that i want to expose her unusual-for-the-so-called-normal-people attitude, but let's take it as my need to share this feeling of surprise!!! Lol...
Kay guys, don't have much time atm.. gotta go and do my routines (yeah rite.. when oh when will this end.. well.. lately i'm kinda frightenedly thinkin that this has not even yet begun.. *start screamin*).. alrite.. i do wish you have a great christmastime :D.. however it was guys, hope you're willing to share your story with me ;)..

Cheers!
.: ThiS is FeL :.

Bitter side of reality.. Men who don't know what they want..

2004-12-18T23:06:00.000+07:00

And here's another note from me.. This end of the week, as always i went to Leen's place and spent some time with her. We had fun, we always do. The poisoning thought about the two of us staying single never bothers us. I figure out we feel so right, for we already know what we want and have made our decisions however hard it could be, thus leaving us the conciousness of getting tougher and stronger everyday whilst holding each other still, walking on our paths, our own ways.. yeah, we've run for our lives.
Somehow there's a thought coming thru my mind, that is.. why are there still some men left, who don't know what they want? They deny and deny everything, wanted to move on yet being there still, bounded to their past, to times they feel they can never forget.. It could be the times of desperation, dissapointment, misery, and even broken heart. Admit it guys, if you've ever felt that way, when you convince yourself that you're already moving on, but actually you're still sticking to those times, instead of looking forward and leaving them behind. And although you can convince everyone that you've already moved on, deep down in your heart you realise the unwillingness to get over it.. In your outer side you're maintaining your so-called 'pride', cover it all up with lies and happy faces as if you've got rid of every misery you've ever had.. i mean, common, boys don't cry, rite? they just don't!!! yeah rite.. once again, admit it, there must be an inner part of you, often beyond your consciousness, that's still bounded to irrationality. In other words, you're still expecting something to happen somehow.. something extraordinary, something that you know is actually unexpectable..
I understand this kind of feeling. Trust me, you'll be haunted and suppressed with childish fears as long as you can't get over it. Life is tough, hard, and will still be harder as time goes by. Take every bitter experience as a process of growing up, one more step to adolescence. Everyone must experience it someday, it's just the matter of how you learn to move yourself on. Important is, you have to be bold, able to take your decision.. you have to know what you want, and once you've made a decision, you gotta move on.. That is how a man should be. And in times you feel like you gotta cry.. just do.. it won't devaluate you as a man.. you're also a human being. A man who doesn't know what he wants can't make a decision, find the right solution of his problem, and thus is unable to survive hard times, then have no strength to carry on.. So tell me dear, are you trapped in the boulevard of broken dreams, haven't found a way out? If so, open your eyes and look around. It is time for introspection, and prepare to step forward, coz guys, i know you wouldn't want your parents to see their son fall..
As for girls, esp. who's sticking to this kind of man.. please, do reconsider it.. are you still hangin on there? This kind of man has the biggest potention to dissapoint you. They often attempt to discredit you, yet pull you back as you're already far away. Don't be confused, coz they don't know what they want, they just want you to understand. Relationship needs more than just understanding, it needs compromise. Also, this kind of guy wouldn't want to lose anything, the factor which makes them unable to carry on. They will just devaluate you.. you'll often feel tired, sick and exhausted. And no matter how you're drawn to your deepest misery, they just won't bother. In fact, the pain wouldn't be a shock anymore.. Guys are too selfish to be true.. They're just not man enough for you.. so is it worth it?

2004-12-17T12:57:00.000+07:00

it's us...

FuR My BeSt FrIeNd...

2004-12-13T13:06:00.000+07:00

You know my soul
You know everything about me there's to know
you know my heart
How to make me stop & how to make me go
You should know i love everything
About you don't you know

That i'm thankful
For the blessing
And the lessons that i've learned w/you
By my side
That i'm thankful so thankful for the love
That you keep bringing in my life
In my life
Thankful so thankful

You know my thoughts
Before i open up my mouth & try to speak
You know my dreams
Must be listening when i'm talking in my sleep
I hope you know
I love having you around me don't you know

That i'm thankful for the blessing
And the lessons that i've learned w/you
By my side
That i'm thankful so thankful
For the love that you keep bringing in my life in my life

Don't you know that i'm thankful for the moment
When i'm down you always know how to make me smile
Thankful for the moments & the joy that your bringing to my life

For the lessons that i've learned
For the trouble i've known
For the heartache & pain
That you've thrown my way
When i didn't think i could go on
But you made me feel strong
With you I am never alone

Thankful so Thankful

.:This is LeeN:.

Out of Africa

2004-11-29T08:08:00.000+07:00

Map of Africa

This Wednesday I learned about Africa in “International Relations in the Middle East and Africa” class. I felt like I juz have to tell you what I was taught. It made me touched..
Firstly, if you ever bother to look at the map of Africa, do you know why the countries’ borders often shaped straight lines? It was back then in the colonialism era when European negotiated to divide the African borders to mark which territory belongs to each of them. As Lenin had noted, through colonialism those countries were really exploited even to the highest level for hundred years. This has made their inner structure, lets say, devastated. They became very dependent to the great power countries even when they had achieved their independence. So if I can question, does sovereignty really matter?? And can you believe that the Europeans legitimized their action of colonization as to civilize the uncivilized! Esp. in the era of Renaissance (Enlightenment). I can barely accept this justification, even if it’s true to some extent that Africa has also benefited through the transfers of knowledge and technology.
Secondly, this broken structure has a great role, even hitherto to make obstacles of their development. Have you ever heard bout African diseases? It’s not only about the real disease we can obviously see like HIV, but also mental disease of the people related to bad habits, behaviors that have already been regarded as custom. Ye know what, the percentage of people suffering from AIDS in South Africa is 38%! And the lecturer told us that he got 3 larvae in his feet juz because he walked without slippers in a 5-star hotel in Ghana!! Moreover, through the air, there are 500 types of disease that can be diffused. Yeah juz imagine, even breathing can make you sick! Jeez how could one live?? I was so touched that I eventually cried in my heart (I’m not making it.. haha), it really concerns me.
Well as a closing statement I’d juz like to say that we should be grateful of whatever we have, despite our economic and political condition. I guess I’ll put more concern to Africa, at least to show that someone does care. Lets say I condemn this contemporary international system, by which we’re surrounded, where the egoistic interests and political and economic rivalry are much stronger than the proclaimed sympathy towards “A better Africa”.
.: This is FeL :.

LeGallY BloNdE.....

2004-11-27T19:34:00.000+07:00

i'm blondeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! agak2 kekuningan sih.. tapi bodo ah... felll... jabatan gue sebagai ketua singa balikin yaa!!!! gue lebih blonde dari lu babehhhhh!!!! hehhehe...
ternyata rambut blonde itu bagus dengan dandanan smokey eyes... hihihi... nyokap en bokap gue kaget liat gue kuning abis.... gak papa lah... toh masi muda ini...

.:This is LeeN:.

Posted by LeeN & FeL

2004-11-21T22:37:00.000+07:00

saturday nite.. we're invited! =D

Yeah it was so fun that night, hahhaha, we're eating Philipino foods!! hmm yummy, thanks to Mia she's really a good cook.. and a good singer!!! Ow my God i never thought she really has an angelic voice.. And what's so NOT (nggak banget) that night was.. alwayss.. me and Aileen!! haha we were like shy-wannabes who kept refusing to sing.. and when we started to sing.. it was like.. "DUH!!!!" coz we kept and kept on singing!! Too bad Renar and my best friend didn't have enough chance to sing.. hahaha sorry for that.. Okay i guess that's it for now, i'm gonna finish my assignment for tomorrow.. by the way i think i have to read 'The Da Vinci Code', everyone's just like suggesting it.. i'm sure it's gonna be very interesting.. i love challenge!!
.: This is FeL :.

Endless Sorrow... (by FeL)

2004-11-21T16:00:00.000+07:00

"I'm not afraid of dying... I'm afraid of tomorrow..." ~Helen of Troy~
Endless Sorrow
~Dear God i hope you're buried next to me~

Ayumi Hamasaki- Because of You
Aenai jikan ni omoi ga tsunotta
Todokanai koe ni kokoro ga itanda
Kimi o shiranakatta koro ni modorenaku natte iru
Doushite tokidoki sunao ni ienai?
Doushite tokidoki yasashiku narenai?
Doushite tokidoki kizutsuke atteru?
Doushite tokidoki tashikame atteru?
Doushite tokidoki konnani kurushii?
Doushite itsudemo konnani itoshii?
Kimi ja nakya dame de
Kimi ja nakya dame de

Translations:
My love grew when we couldn't meet
My heart ached because my voice didn't reach you
I find I can't go back to the times when I didn't know you
Why sometimes I can't say honestly?
Why sometimes I can't be tender?
Why sometimes we hurt each other?
Why sometimes we check each other?
Why sometimes my heart aches so much?
Why always my heart goes out to you?
I can't think of anyone but you
I can't think of anyone but you

Dear Diary...Today...

2004-11-20T22:45:00.000+07:00

felli chayankkkk.... hari ini kita asik banget jalan2 ampe sore trus diundang makan pula sama mia... duhh asiknya... kita hari ini beli kacamata kembar... warnanya gak hitam... tapi coklat muda kekuningan (kok agak2 ilfil ya kalo men discribe warnanya)... KEMBAR???!!!! AGAIN???!!! setelah baju kita yang kembar... sendal kembar... initial bandul kembar... tas kembar????!!!! kita kalo jalan di mall aja uda dikirain ade kaka.... hahahhaha.... terlalu banyak yang kembar dalam hidup kita... kalo lu atau gue nginep2an.. kita masing2 gak perlu bawa apa2.. cuma sikat gigi en baju... selebihnya smua uda ada di rumah masing2... toner kita merknya sama... conditioner kita... make up kita.... sabun cuci muka... duh... smua sama... tinggal bawa diri aja deh kalo mau nginep..... pokoknya fel... gak ada deh temen lain yang bisa nandingin lu sebagai temen gue yang punya selera yang sama... hehehe... you will always be my sista babe...

.:This is LeeN:.

ThX My FrieNd...

2004-11-19T23:44:00.000+07:00

Ferris Hilton darling... thank you chayank.... karena uda ngirimin makanan ke rumah gue... rasanya rumah gue ama lu tuh deket banget... padahal jauhnya.... hm..... gue terharu sekali..... rasanya saat lu tiba di rumah gue... gue mau bawa tissue buat lap air mata buaya gue... well... gue seneng banget bisa punya temen kaya lu... luv u hun... rasanya semua pepatah tentang true friendship itu bisa gue dapetin dalam diri seorang ferris hilton.. hahahha...
pokoknya.. selama beberapa bulan ini... gue tau banget manja2nya lu... carenya lu... jalan pikiran lu.. perasaan lu... segala kebiasaan buruk lu... selera lu...hahahhah... gue tau bangetttt....

fel... apapun pendapat lu tentang "L O V E" gue tau sebenernya lu gak selalu berpikir sedingin itu... sekarang ini perasaan lu lagi rapuh aja.. makanya lu berusaha tegar dengan pikiran2 rasional lu.. (dasar anak HI)... well hun... whenever u need me... i'll always beside u.. give my shoulder to cry on... take off your mask and let me hear your voice from your heart... okay hun??? luv u dear....

~"A true friend is one who is concerned about what we are becoming, who sees beyond the present relationship, and who cares deeply about us as a whole person."
~"Thats what a friend is for, when your lost in darkness and searching for the light, to help you through those lonely nights, when everything around you fails just hold out your hand, and i'll come running, thats what a friend is for."

.:This is LeeN:.

2004-11-19T18:51:00.000+07:00

love...love...
Posted by LeeN aNd FeL

FeL’s thoughts about L O V E

2004-11-19T16:40:00.000+07:00

I’ve always wanted to share my view about love, and finally I have the chance. I realize that I may not be a hundred percent objective, but hereby I’d like to present different points of view. How can you describe love? Does it really exist? I know that there’s so much you’ve heard about love, and you might think you know pretty well, but have you ever thought that love itself could be a constructed reality? It’s the idea of demystification, to bring something that is actually unreal to be real, and this is how love became a truth. Who defines truth? I say, reality is formed, constructed. And in accordance to Der Derian, truth comes from an unchallenged interpretation. What is love anyway? It doesn’t have a certain form.
Hm I bet liberalist thoughts will never agree with it, since they value individualism, that’s why it is believed that human should be free to love, to feel what the others can’t feel in the same way. Erich Fromm suggests it is a family where parents take the responsibility to teach their children reason in an atmosphere of love. I myself believe that we’re told to love (as well as to hate) ever since we were children, and we never challenged the idea of its existence, thus it continues to exist. In my opinion, love is not something given (something that’s already there), but is a constructed reality. Love relates to the notions of subjectivism by which it is new to the self-construction of imagination.
However, I like these constructed feelings, feelings of love that each human beings can experience. We can’t resist or afford to compete against this so-called constructed reality in our system, right? So to conclude, insofar it exists, just enjoy your kind of loving =). And I guess we should be honest to ourselves (hey why do I in the end support individualism?? Hahaha…). Aaahh enough of these thingy of fully-constructed world.. it kinda makes me crazy a lil bit, haha.. I’m so sleepy right now, off to bed..
~ Dear God I hope you’re buried next to me ~
.: This is FeL :.

My Boo....Fur someone that I luv...

2004-11-19T15:26:00.000+07:00

There's always that one person
that will always have your heart
you'll never see it coming
cause you're blinded from the start
know that you're the one for me
it's clear for everyone to see
ooh baby....you'll always be my boo...

i don't know bout cha'll
but i know about us
this is the only way
we know how to rock
i don't know bout cha'll
but i know about us
this is the only way
we know how to rock

do you remember girl
i was the one who gave you your first kiss
cause i remember girl
i was the one who said put your lips like this
even before all the fame and
people screaming yous name
girl i was there when you were my baby...

it started when we were younger
you were mine.. my boo
now another brother's taking over
but it's still in your eyes.. my boo
even though we used to argue it's alright
i know we haven't seen each other
in a while but you will always be my boo...

i was in love with you when we were younger
you were mine... my boo
and i see it from time to time
i still feel like.. my boo
and i can see it no matter
how i try to hide... my boo
even though there's another man who's in my life
you will always be my boo...

yes i remember boy
cause after we kissed
i could only think about your lips
yes i remember boy
the moment i knew you were the one
i could spend my life with
even before all the fame
and people screaming your name
i was there and you were my baby...

First time as bloggers! Yeahhh...

2004-11-19T10:20:00.000+07:00

Izziiiiiiiiiiiiii... pizza? fetuccini?

Fel: ahhhh leen akhirnya jadi jugaaaaa gile cape nih malah kaga kerjain tugas..
Leen: emaaaaannnnnnnggggg, padahal gue ud bawa bahan nihhhh..
Fel: eh kita tulis tulis segini dulu aj deh.. kapan ngobrolnya nih.. hueeeeehhhhh..
Leen: ok ok eh rambut lo kok kya boneka bgt sih..
Fel: ah masa sihh..?? lucu dong..
Leen: sudahlah gue mandi dulu hahaha.. ini kok ga penting ya..
Posted by feluvleen

2004-11-18T19:02:00.000+07:00

at Starbucks EX
Posted by Hello