We got the beat that makes your booty go!!

Tortured Soul and a Toothache Contradiction

2006-12-09T00:44:00.000+07:00

Listening to: The Fray - How to Save a Life
"Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me...
Then he said,
Here's a riddle for you... Find the Answer.. There's a reason for the world, You and I..."

I am a sick person… I am a spiteful person. I am the most unpleasant person. I think my soul is diseased. Then again, I don't know a thing about my illness; I'm not even sure what hurts. I'm not being treated and never have been, though I respect both medicine and doctors. Besides, I'm extremely superstitious—well at least enough to respect medicine. (I'm sufficiently educated not to be superstitious; but I am, anyway.) Now then, that's something you probably won't understand. Well, I do; I know better than anyone that all this is going to hurt me alone, and no one else. Even so, if I refuse to be treated, it's out of spite. My stomach hurts? Good, let it hurt even more.. I've been living this way for some time after all..

I was lying about myself just now when I said that I was a nasty person. I lied out of spite. I was merely having some fun of being skeptical and fully emotional at the expense of the others, but I could never really become spiteful. At all times I was aware of a great many elements in me that were just the opposite of that. I felt how they swarmed inside me, these contradictory elements. I knew that they had been swarming inside me my whole life and were begging to be let out; but I wouldn't let them out, I wouldn't, I deliberately wouldn't let them out. They tormented me to the point of shame; they drove me to convulsions and—and finally I got fed up with them..

Not only couldn't I become spiteful, I couldn't become anything at all: neither spiteful nor good, neither a scoundrel nor an honest person, neither a hero nor an insect. Now I live out my days in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and entirely useless consolation that an intelligent person cannot seriously become anything and that only a fool can become something. Yes, sir, an intelligent person in the twenty first century must be, is morally obliged to be, principally a characterless creature. That's already my conviction at the age of twenty two.

You probably think, people, that I want to amuse you. You're wrong about that. I'm not at all the cheerful fellow I seem to be, or that I may seem to be; however, if you're irritated by all this talk (and I can already sense that you are), then let’s just move on…

Let's consider people who know how to take revenge and how to stand up for themselves in general. How, for example, do they do it? Such an individual simply rushes toward his goal like an enraged bull with lowered horns; only a wall can stop him. Well, then, I consider such a spontaneous individual to be a genuine, normal person, just as tender mother nature wished to see him when she lovingly gave birth to him on earth. I'm green with envy at such a man. He's stupid, I won't argue with you about that; but perhaps a normal man is supposed to be stupid—how do we know? Perhaps it's even very beautiful.

"Ha, ha, ha! You'll be finding enjoyment in a toothache next!" you cry out with a laugh.
"Well, what of it? There is some enjoyment even in a toothache," I reply. "I've had a toothache for a whole month; I know what's what. In this instance, of course, people don't rage in silence; they moan. But these moans are insincere; these moans express the sufferer's enjoyment; if he didn't enjoy it, he would never have begun to moan. In the first place, these moans express all the aimlessness of the pain which consciousness finds so humiliating, the whole system of natural laws about which you really don't give a damn, but as a result of which you're suffering nonetheless, while nature isn't. You yourself know that your moans do you no good; you know better than anyone else that you’re merely irritating yourself and others in vain. They express the consciousness that while there's no real enemy to be identified, the pain exists nonetheless; the awareness that, in spite of all possible Wagenheims, you're still a complete slave to your teeth; that if someone so wishes, your teeth will stop aching, but that if he doesn't so wish, they'll go on aching for three more months; and finally, that if you still disagree and protest, all there's left to do for consolation is flagellate yourself or beat your fist against the wall as hard as you can, and absolutely nothing else.

Are you wondering why on earth I write all these nonsense?? Well yeah, I, too, have been wondering.. I’ve been writing for one and a half hour, all the while abandoning my work, and all of that for what? For it eventually ends up being an utter uselessness, a complete nothingness. My life has always been a contradiction, of course my jokes are in bad taste; they're uneven, contradictory, and lacking in self-assurance. But that's because I have no respect for myself. Can a man possessing consciousness ever really respect himself?

~partly adapted from “Notes from Underground” by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
.: This is FeL :.

Lelaki Buaya Darat!!!

2006-09-04T19:47:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Wonderland Avenue - White Horse
.........TRaNcE AdDiCt!!!!!

Terdapat artikel di salah satu surat kabar atau majalah, terasa lucu dan menarik artikel ini.Isinya sebagai berikut :

Suatu malam, seorang wanita tidak pulang ke rumahnya. Keesokan harinya,dia memberitahu suaminya, kalau dia menginap di rumah teman wanitanya.Suaminya menelepon 10 orang teman istrinya yang paling akrab, danhasilnya tidak ada seorangpun yang mengetahui akan hal ini.

Sebaliknya, suatu malam seorang pria tidak pulang ke rumahnya. Keesokanharinya, dia memberitahu istrinya, kalau dia menginap di rumah temanprianya. Istrinya menelepon 10 orang teman suaminya yang paling akrab, dan hasilnya : 8 orang diantaranya memastikan kalau suaminya menginap dirumah mereka, dan......... ......... 2 orang lainnya bahkan mengatakanbahwa suaminya MASIH berada di rumah mereka!

Terasa menarik, seorang suami yang membaca artikel ini segera memanggil istrinya untuk membaca artikel ini, tidak disangka istrinya malah ingin mencoba apakah memang benar seperti yang ditulis di artikel ini.
Suaminya menasehatinya supaya JANGAN MENCOBA, tapi tidak berguna. Istrinya mengangkat telepon dan menghubungi satu persatu teman akrabsuaminya, menanyakanapakah suaminya bersama mereka. Dan hasilnya tentu saja.....
Apa yangditulis dalam artikel ternyata berlaku di seluruh pelosok dunia!

Yang parahnya, ada salah satu teman suaminya malah mengatakan suaminya mabuk dan sampaisekarang masih tidur di dalam rumahnya. Dan malah bertanya kepada istrinya apakah perlu membangunkan suaminya untuk mendengar telepon?
Istrinya kaget dan tidak mau membuat malu teman suaminya dan berkata sudahlah gak apa apa. Begitu istrinya menutup telepon, handphone suaminya langsung berdering. Begitu suaminya menjawab telepon, teman suaminya berkata : Dimana kamu?Cepat pulang ke rumah! Istrimu mencari cari kamu dari tadi, saya bilang kamu mabuk di rumah saya. Oh ya! jangan lupa minum sedikit bir sebelumpulang!

1. 10 out of 10 laki-laki mempunyai Instink dan Persaudaraan(brotherhood) yang lebih Tajam dan Kuat dibandingkan dgn wanita karenamereka langsung menjawab dgn memberikan Alibi untuk mendukung temannyadari kemungkinan- kemungkinan yang tidak mengenakkan.

2. 1 out of 10 Laki-laki dengan berani dan spontan "Pasang Badan" beyond"Call of Duty" dgn menjawab sedang tidur di rumahnya , dan langsungmengabari temannya per Telp.

.: This is FeL :.

Some Thought on Hormonal Hostage

2006-07-31T20:30:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Ash-Won't be Saved
"Imprisoned by the thought of you...Captured by your eyes...Mesmerised..No I won't be saved, I will always be enslaved...No I won't be saved, In my heart your name engraved..."

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff......
..And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect

.:This is FeL:.

Dutch paedophile ring running for goverment?

2006-06-06T11:49:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Laith al Deen - Alles an Dir
"denn alles an dir macht mich so leicht... weil du mich überall erreichst..weil du mich siehst und mir vergibst
und so unbeschreiblich liebst..."

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Dutch paedophiles are launching a political party to push for a cut in the legal age for sexual relations to 12 from 16 and the legalisation of child pornography and sex with animals.
The Charity, Freedom and Diversity (NVD) party said on its Web site it would be officially registered on Wednesday, proclaiming: "We are going to shake The Hague awake!"
The party said it wanted to cut the legal age for sexual relations to 12 and eventually scrap the limit altogether.
"A ban just makes children curious," Ad van den Berg, one of the party's founders, told the Algemeen Dagblad (AD) newspaper.

"We want to make paedophilia the subject of discussion," he said, adding that the subject had been a taboo since the 1996 Marc Dutroux child abuse scandal in neighbouring Belgium. "We have been hushed up. The only way is through parliament."
The Netherlands already has liberal policies on soft drugs, prostitution, and gay marriage, but the NVD is unlikely to win much support, the AD quoted experts as saying.
"They make out as if they want more rights for children. But their position that children should be allowed sexual contact from age 12 is of course just in their own interest," anti-paedophile campaigner Ireen van Engelen told the daily.
The party said private possession of child pornography should be allowed although it favours banning the trade of such materials. The broadcast of pornography should be allowed on daytime television, with only violent pornography limited to the late evening, according to the party.
Toddlers should be given sex education and youths aged 16 and up should be allowed to appear in pornographic films and prostitute themselves. Sex with animals should be allowed although abuse of animals should remain illegal, the NVD said.
The party also said everybody should be allowed to go naked in public.
The party's programme also includes ideas for other areas of public policy including legalising all soft and hard drugs and free train travel for all.

So, I'm thinking, WTF? Have they gone out of their minds? while we're stuck here in the middle of this APP discourse.. what would actually become of this world?

.: This is FeL :.

RE: RUU Anti Pornografi dan Pornoaksi

2006-03-11T21:52:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Black Eyed Peas - My Hump
"I'ma get get get get you drunk, get you love drunk off my hump... my hump my hump.. my hump my hump my hump.."

What would become of this country? itu dia kalimat yang paling sering keluar dari kepala saya tiap kali saya mikirin negara ini.. bisa kita lihat.. sementara angka kemiskinan semakin bertambah, dan semakin banyak isu yang bikin pemerintah terkesan so overwhelmed, yang sekarang terjadi justru gencarnya RUU Anti Pornografi dan Pornoaksi yang mengatur dan melarang hal-hal yang didefinisikan sebagai Pornografi dan Pornoaksi. Saya pribadi melihat RUU ini sungguh abstrak dan tidak jelas.. yang semakin membuat saya mempertanyakan profesionalisme dan kemampuan pemerintah dalam menangani negara ini.. berikut ini adalah komentar yang dikemukakan oleh teman saya, sebut saja si Agent N, tentang RUU tersebut, dengan mana saya sangat sependapat...

Ini dia komentarnya:
Di bagian pornoaksi, "bagian tubuh tertentu yang sensual" ga dijelasin ya? Bagian apa aja? Apa gw bacanya ga teliti. Gw pernah baca, katanya sebagian paha dan sebagian dada ga boleh? Jadi rok mini ga boleh? Tank top or kemben juga? Meskipun seandainya ga memperlihatkan belahan dada? Lalu kalo lagi ada pesta, kawinan misalnya, tamunya kan suka pada pake dress yang tanktop or kemben kan? Bakal ditangkep kah orang2 pas lagi pesta?
Trus laki2 dianggap punya sensualitas ga? Gimana orang2 laki yang suka telanjang dada siang2 di pinggir jalan? Tukang bangunan misalnya? Siapa tau ada cewek yang horny liat mereka. Ga boleh juga dong..Lalu laki2 pake celana pendek di atas dengkul di depan umum juga ga boleh?
Kalo laki2 ga, ga aci dong..menurut gw cowok jg punya sensualitas.
Apalagi abis ini? Di tangerang, cewek ga boleh keluar rumah sendiri malem2.. ditangkep kalo nekad? Gimana cewek2 yang kerja shift malem? Kuliah? Kenapa ga pada tangkepin preman aja sih malem2. Biar semua orang merasa aman jalan malem2. Termasuk cewek, ga takut diperkosa.
Kenapa ga aturan pelecehan seksual diperkuat. Bukan kepedean, tapi gw capek melototin orang yang siul2in gw. tukang bangunan gituh, ga bangga juga. Pengen gw tamparin satu2. Itulah yang terjadi kalo perempuan terus dianggap sebagai obyek seksualitas dan 'sensualitas'. Orang merkosa cuma dihukum satu tahun. Shit! Kalo gw jadi pembuat kebijakan, mau aja gw hukum potong (maaf) alat kelaminnya.
Jadi cewek udah susah, jangan ditambah susah. Berkarier susah, dibilang melawan kodrat. Tinggal di rumah, bergantung sama suami susah, suami kawin lagi, dengan alasan sunah rasul, ga bisa apa2, cuma nerima aja karena hidup bergantung di tangan suami. Jadi cewek agresif, gonta-ganti pacar, dicela, dibilang kegatelan. Jadi pasif, ga laku2, dikatain perawan tua. Macem2 lagi dilema yang selalu dibebanin ke cewek.
Untuk pembatasan media gw setuju...tapi enggak buat kebebasan perempuan untuk menampilkan dirinya sendiri. Toh orang waras juga ga bakal telanjang jalan2 di pinggir jalan.
Apa sih tujuan akhir RUU ini?? Membina akhlak dan moral bangsa?? Buat apa?? Supaya apa?? Anggota DPR aja ada yang mantan preman pembunuh (seriusan), ada yang koruptor (dulu dan sekarang) (banyak kalo yang ini), ada yang tukang kawin (4 istri resmi, yang katanya sunah rasul, dan 5 istri kawin siri, huahaha apa toh?? kecil2 cabe rawit nih orang), ada yang suka booking pecun2 high class. Ooohh yaaa... mereka punya cukup 'moral' untuk mengatur moral seluruh bangsa...
Kalo gw tangkep sih, dari sudut pandang kepentingan perempuan nih ya (katanya mau 'melindungi' harkat dan martabat perempuan?!), tujuan akhir (ultimate goal biar keren) UU ini, adalah untuk mengurangi angka pemerkosaan, hamil di luar nikah, aborsi, dll.... Ngaruh ya UU ini?
Kalo menurut gw sih, cara yang lebih baik, selain memperkuat aturan ttg pelecehan seksual, bisa memperkuat aturan dalam pengawasan media. Bukan dalam isi acaranya ya tapi. Buat TV mungkin emang harus lebih ketat, tapi bioskop?? Buat aja batasan umum di film, kaya AS. Perkuat aturan buat bioskop ngelarang anak kecil nonton film yang bukan batasannya. Tutup bioskop yang ngelanggar. Jual majalah jorok harus pake batasan umum juga (meski gw ga setuju jg sih ada playboy Indonesia)....apalah aturan yang lebih cerdas daripada sekedar ngelarang2 orang berekspresi...yaaa..karena gw ga terlalu cerdas jadi ga bisa ngusulin lebih banyak ide aturan.
Dari pengetahuan gw yang sempit (mungkin ada juga yang pernah denger soal ini), Liat deh Jepang. Segala macem yang porno..lengkap, ampe kartun aja porno. Cewek2, (kalo dia kuat nahan dingin) pake rok mini ga karuan pendeknya. Angka pemerkosaan? (sekali lagi dari pengetahuan gw yang sempit) cukup rendah... Setidaknya itu menurut temen gw di sana yang suka pake bikini di pantai (??)
Sekarang coba liat Arab? hmmmm..... tertutup? Pasti! Tapi..... TKW kita?? Aduh ga perlu banyak komentar deh.
(demikianlah potongan komentar dari Agent N)

Pendapat saya sendiri kurang lebih sama dengan pendapat di atas.. sangat mencerminkan keraguan yang timbul dari penerapan RUU tersebut, yang tidak dapat menjamin terwujudnya peningkatan moral bangsa.. Sebagai tambahan, saya rasa daripada ngurusin begituan, kenapa juga tidak lebih memperhatikan nasib para TKW kita di Arab misalnya. Di salah satu RS pemerintah saya mendapat info bahwa banyak sekali terdapat wanita-wanita TKW korban perkosaan dan penganiayaan. Di bangsal tempat mereka dirawat, begitu masuk langsung tercium bau busuk yang sangat menyengat, yang berasal dari organ-organ dalam tubuh mereka yang sudah rusak, misalnya karena diperkosa dan dipukuli. Ada juga yang meninggal karena penganiayaan seksual yi. dengan memasukkan gagang sapu lewat (maaf) alat kelaminnya. Banyak dari mereka bahkan sudah hopeless, dan dokter yang merawat mereka pun seringkali bahkan tidak dapat mendiagnosa (melalui hasil USG) organ apa adalah organ mana, karena telah demikian rusaknya bagian dalam tubuh mereka. Secara psikologis juga jiwa mereka sudah terganggu dan banyak dari mereka yang tidak memiliki harapan untuk hidup lagi, meskipun mereka bisa hidup. Isu-isu seperti inilah yang telah menggerakkan hati banyak kaum perempuan, dan bukankah isu macam ini akan lebih make sense untuk ditangani sedini mungkin, dan bukan isu-isu yang sepertinya dibuat-buat dengan tujuan yang tidak jelas??

Wow kyanya udah kepanjangan deh blog ini.. yah sampai sini dulu aja d, meskipun banyak yang masih ingin diomongin, haha.. ga ad abisnya mikirin negara ini.. yang jelas pemerintah bener-bener perlu muter otak untuk dapat membuat rakyat sejahtera..

.: This is FeL :.

One Indubitably Pathetisizing Yet Lovely Poem

2006-01-24T23:37:00.000+07:00

It was the day the sun's ray had turned pale
with pity for the suffering of his Maker
when I was caught, and I put up no fight,
my lady, for your lovely eyes had bound me.

It seemed no time to be on guard against
Love's blows; therefore, I went my way
secure and fearless—so, all my misfortunes
began in midst of universal woe.

Love found me all disarmed and found the way
was clear to reach my heart down through the eyes
which have become the halls and doors of tears.

It seems to me it did him little honour
to wound me with his arrow in my state
and to you, armed, not show his bow at all.

If it's not love, then what is it I feel?
But if it's love, by God, what is this thing?
If good, why then the bitter mortal sting?
If bad, then why is every torment sweet?

If I burn willingly, why weep and grieve?
And if against my will, what good lamenting?
O living death, O pleasurable harm,
how can you rule me if I not consent?

And if I do consent, it's wrong to grieve.
Caught in contrasting winds in a frail boat
on the high seas I am without a helm,

so light of wisdom, so laden of error,
that I myself do not know what I want,
and shiver in midsummer, burn in winter.

I find no peace, and I am not at war,
I fear and hope, and burn and I am ice;
I fly above the heavens, and lie on earth,
and I grasp nothing and embrace the world.

One keeps me jailed who neither locks nor opens,
nor keeps me for her own nor frees the noose;
Love does not kill, nor does he loose my chains;
he wants me lifeless but won't loosen me.

I see with no eyes, shout without a tongue;
I yearn to perish, and I beg for help;
I hate myself and love somebody else.

I thrive on pain and laugh with all my tears;
I dislike death as much as I do life:
because of you, lady, I am this way.

Source: Petrarch. Selections from the Canzoniere and Other Works

New Year, New Life...

2006-01-21T21:05:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Un Myung - Why (OST Full House)
"Niga sarangi doeji anhgireul bileosseo.. Neomaneun jeoldaero anigireul bileosseo.. Neon sarangi anilgeorago sudo eobshi nareul sokyeowasseo..."

For me and Aileen, new year's not only about having new resolutions or any other efforts to make us better persons every now and then, but this year it's also about starting a new life..
In this regard i should be happy to have a year that starts right, which is to have a GPA of 3.74 out of 4, hehe.. it's probably not very special for some other people but i take it very gratefully, knowing that i never had such an amount of GPA before.. shame on me though :)

And from now on, we have bunch of plans that'll occupy most of our times this year.. the plans worth sticking to which (hopefully) should and have to work out. Anyway, nevermind of what might have happened recently, both pleasing and unpleasing, Aileen and I are sensing that we're really made for each other. One person said one time that we should be so grateful and therefore have to value each other more, knowing that no one might make better bestfriends as we are now. Everyone knows that we weren't this close back then when we're in highschool, but nevermind what might have happened otherwise, we sort of have the idea that we would still find each other anyway. Yet we'd like to learn about each other better, since there's many sides to us we haven't yet known.

So i'm saying that it's now the time for us to move on. It helps to know we're not feeling broken-hearted, feeling just like when it started.. awake, it's a new day, no more heartache, breaking away, into the slipstream, out of the blue..
And this year-end holiday we did nothing. Just sleeping, thinking and hanging around. Yeah we already left the dark streets of last year as the air was cooling down.
We're heading for the open road..
Hit us without warning, left out on our own
The bad times they were forming, we went through them alone
A new day it is dawning.. and we feel our pains are gone
The open world is calling, and we're moving on.. Lord you gotta let it flow ;D

.:This is FeL:.

Apa Artinya Cinta

2006-01-21T20:58:00.000+07:00

Fel and Leen's most wanted song of the month!!!

Melly Goeslaw ft. Ari Lasso - Apa Artinya Cinta
OST Apa Artinya Cinta

Tiba-tiba engkau ada, kemudian engkau hadir
laksana kerdil ku memalu.. lihat aku lebih dalam
di matamu ku melihat ada cinta yang tersirat
tirani hati merebak

Barangkali aku salah, ku terdiam bukan bisu
kutahu engkau besar malu, tutupi rasa gelisah
biar saja waktu nanti yang menikmati kisah ini
bersamamu aku senang

Belum jugakah kau mnyadarinya, akulah yang pantas untuk kau cintai
di bawah langit biru aku bersumpah diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta
cinta ini sudah menelan waktuku siang malam hanya untuk pikirkan engkau
sejuta kali aku berani bersumpah diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta

Wishing You The Most Wonderful Christmas of All

2005-12-24T19:48:00.000+07:00

huni & huni.. warmer than fire ;)

Listening to: Rossa - Kembali
"Apa kabarmu, setelah lama kita tak pernah jumpa.. banyak yang tlah berubah, dan ku ingin dengar dari ceritamu.. Apakah kau sempat menjalin kasih setelah bersamaku.. apakah kau bahagia, lebih dari waktu engkau bersamaku.."

Dear All,
Aileen and Felicia are gathering here to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year.. We would like you to know that you're certainly being thought about at this delightful time.. Hope the miracle of Christmas be yours, which will bring you and your family the light of peace, love and happiness throughout the year.. may the Lord guide each and every step you make..

Meanwhile, knowing that another year has again sailed, we realize that there might be regrets of what we shouldn't have done along the freaking year. Well, no one can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone surely can start now and make a happy ending. Hope you all have a year that starts right and ends happy. And lastly, without any intention to sound preachy at all, we both believe that God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the tears and light for the way, in order for us to still carry on. So, no matter how life is giving you numerous reasons to cry, just keep the faith and you'll get the idea..

Have a great holiday!!

Lots of Love,
Aileen & Felicia

The One Where Felicia's Addicted to F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2005-12-20T00:14:00.000+07:00

Listening to: U2 - With or Without You
"See the stone set in your eyes.. See the thorn twist in your side.. I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate.. On a bed of nails she makes me wait.. And I wait without you.. With or without you.. With or without you"

yep, here's my current obsession.. and i really love this pic

Can't help it. Those series have been constantly keeping me occupied in almost all my spare times, that I now end up without any progress on my undergraduate thesis.. I love Ross (and Chandler) above all, he's insanely funny.. Hey here's some of my favourite quotes if you care enough to read.. I could surely laugh with myself anytime one of these scenes just pop into my head, haha..

------------------------
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)

Monica: (At a loss for words) Boy, that was-that was, umm… terrific.
Chandler: Really, bitchin’!
Phoebe: Wow, it was so—wow!
Ross: Really?! I mean, really?!!
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you should play in public!
Ross: Wow! Thanks, you guys. That’s uh—ohhh, I wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another disk. I’ll be right back! Okay? (Runs to fetch them) This is so nice, I’m—I am so… (starts to break up and leaves)

Monica: Oh God bless my dad sound proofing the basement!
Rachel: Oh, I can’t believe I ever let him touch me with those fingers.
Phoebe: What are you guys talking about, I loved it! It was soo moving. Oh, plus it’s just, it’s so different from the stuff you usually hear.

Chandler: You mean like, music?
---------------------------
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is performing, his music hasn’t improved.]

Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a ticking clock.) Infinite time-time-time…

Monica: (to Rachel and Phoebe) Y'know, there’s a Starbucks about three blocks down.

Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch) It’s so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!

[cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called song with the same crash from before. He gets some applause, mainly ‘cause he’s done.]

Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys…

------------------------------
Phoebe: Now, we can kick anybody's ass!
Rachel: Yeah!
Ross: After one class? I don't think so.
Rachel: What? You want to see me self-defend myself? Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.
Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?
Ross: No, it's a concept.
Phoebe: Yeah, it is! It is! It's freshwater eel.
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too.
Rachel: Ooh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.
Ross: Y'know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don't even care!

[after Ross has bragged about having "unagi"]
Phoebe, Rachel: [sneaking up from behind Ross, shouting] Danger!
[Ross screams]
Rachel: Ah, salmon skin roll.

-------------------------------
Chandler: I'm gonna be moving out, so you are gonna be in charge of paying the rent.
Joey: Right! And when is that deal?
Chandler: First of the month.
Joey: And that's every month?
Chandler: No, just the months you actually want to live here.

-------------------------------
Ross: Every week the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey's appartment. What name appears on the address label?
Rachel: Chandler gets it, it's Chandler Bing.
Monica: Noooooo!
Ross: I'm afraid the TV Guide comes to Chanandaler Bong.
Monica: I knew that! Rachel use your head.
Chandler: Actually, it's Miss Chanandaler Bong

--------------------------------

Alrite, that's it, otherwise it's gonna be an endless line of Friends script.. I gotta go now.. Anyway, holiday's coming soon and I hope you all have a great time.. as for me, I'd better first finish my assigments and prepare myself for the upcoming final tests before planning on any holiday trips.. yep yep, as crappy as it sounds ;)

.:ThiS is FeL:.

Fel's New Nephew

2005-12-01T01:45:00.000+07:00

My New Nephew!!! Welcome on board, baby boy.. hope you have a happy and prosperous life.. love you and hope to see you soon, though los angeles is undoubtedly far =)

Just.. Whatever THings!!!

2005-11-22T19:05:00.000+07:00

Yeah once again not being able to connect to the internet at my house is very very annoying.. and even the nearest internet cafe is nearly unreachable without car, in which i can't even save a document to my flashdrive..

Anyway, i'd like to post what happened on my birthday (october the 26th).. however, due to the you-already-know-what-now i guess i'll just post the pics&story later..

hmm.. lately i've been wondering what's the very thing that people put the highest value in... i mean, here's the thing.. just when i thought that nothing worse can happen to my life, i suddenly know in which thing i put value the most.. and that certainly is my hair.. as usual i color it once in about 3-4 months, but it just happened to this freakiest color i ever had on my head!!! it's now rather yellow-blonde (no no i mean it's too yellow!!) than super blonde.. without a single white highlight line that i used to be so proud of.. dammit.. i feel like a weirdo and dared not to go out with this head uncovered.. but then when i showed up in campus, it turned out that no one did tell me that my hair's weird.. they say it's okay, some of them even said it's cool, jeez don't they know about hair coloring or what.. then.. i'm so confused.. well it's been aileen's and my highest dream to achieve the super blonde hair color.. but since aileen's now not permitted to lighten her hair color, then it's sort of my duty to fulfill our hope.. soo, our effort to lighten mine just unded up resultless.. hey but we're not about to surrender..

Supposedly focusing on my study and my undergraduate thesis, i'm now somehow (despite finishing the thesis firsthand) about to finish the book "the Minds of Billy Milligan", which is about a person with 24 personalities, so interesting, kinda expand my horizons.. and i'm also watching "Friends" complete series... =D (they're more than enough to attract me to stay at home since i'm kinda in a flat broke.. haha)

oh no my sister in law needs the car now, what an all of a sudden.. doesn't she know i'm in the middle of something.. whatever, anywayyyy.. i guess i'll talk to you laterrrsss

.:This is FeL:.

Guess who puts the weight into my little heart..

2005-10-23T02:08:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Interpol - Obstacle 1
"We can cap the old times make playing only logical harm.. We can top the old lines clay-making that nothing else will change. But she can read, she can read, she can read, she can read, she's bad... Oh, she's bad.. She puts, oh she puts the weights into my little heart.."

What a gloomy, cold midnite.. a regular indication of post-downpour, thunderstormy rain..
Being completely exhausted, i'm still so keen of writing this post instead of lying down so comfy on my bed. And there's still this thing that keeps me occupied ever since i left the Schulfest in DIS (german international school in Jakarta), where i got totally wet because of the thunderstormy rain which completely shutted me down out there, trying hard to keep myself dry (which then turned out resultless ever since the first minute) whilst reaching the school building in a distance of less than 200 m from the parking lot..
But howsoever, it doesn't really matter now.. The thing is, i'm sure that i felt the so-called 'love at first sight' for the first time.. Honestly, i completely fell in love with this super cute little german kid (i guess he's only 2 years old).. I know that i sometimes feel like i'm interested to some good-looking or cute or naughty kids, but all those feelings just can't be compared to this one.. Dude, i can't even figure out how to tell you this.. but if i were Angelina Jolie, I would have adopted that child for sure!! I only played with this kid (named Friedrich) for a while.. then I lost my sight of him once and he didn't come back at all.. Funny, at first i thought, alrite he's just someone else's kid anyway i can always find another cute ones.. but then surprisingly unsurprising, my eyes automatically swept around the hall and i started to worry if i'd never have the chance to see him again.. sounds exaggerating? not at all, babe.. You wouldn't dare to imagine how regretful i was, not to have asked the mother if i was allowed to carry him.. okay he's not THAT cute or good looking but there must be something that attributed to me being so attached to him.. I even swore to myself that if i ever see that child again i'd directly ask the mother, first to allow me to carry him, and second if she needs a babysitter (haha)..

Anyway, coming to the interesting part.. this Friedrich looks so much like the blonde Christoph, a friend of mine (who's also a german).. at first he looked so familiar to me, and then as i watched him, i suddenly realized that he looked undeniably so similar to Christoph.. even with the same cleaved chin which insofar that i notice doesn't belong to so many people (if you care to know, you can see Christoph on this blog, the second picture of the post "seriously, they thought we're americans!".. he's the guy on the far left)..
Another look-alike phenomenon was surprisingly seen on one of the parents, a handsome german dad who's undoubtedly a sort of Adam Sandler.. oh man, i'm so sorry he's married, haha..

Well, i guess if it's meant to be then i might have the chance to see Friedrich some other time.. though he might be less cuter than he is right now..
So it is, and i guess it sure is the time to go to bed for me.. So, adios for now..

.:This is FeL:.

Cyprus EU Membership Complicates Turkey's Accession Effort

2005-10-15T20:38:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Missy Elliot ft. Ciara and Fat Man Scoop - Lose Control

This is it, people, finally i'm sharing it.. need to welcome this into my world anyway.. the matter that has been running in my mind recently, which will most likely keeps me occupied until next year.. To those who are unfamiliar with the EU issues, you can take a glimpse and get the idea. However, i intend to write about the EU-Cyprus relation for my research instead of the so-called 'triangle' between EU-Cyprus-Turkey.. the latter is rather complicated due to the conflicts that are still undone.. By the way, to those who aren't interested, don't even bother, juz skip this post.. i can only guess that i'm now in the process of sickening, being a lil.. academically distracted..

In a resounding endorsement of enlargement, the European Parliament recently ratified the EU accession treaties of Cyprus and nine other applicants by an overwhelming majority. The move is likely to complicate Turkey’s own effort to gain entry into the European Union.
Given the April 16 2003 European Parliament ratification, the Cypriot government completed the accession process by May 2004. Cyprus’ EU membership drive is likely to complicate Turkey’s own accession effort. With the signing of the Accession Treaty, any future Cyprus settlement now needs to conform to EU standards. That means that the Turkish Cypriot stance on a bi-zonal and bi-communal settlement envisioning a strong Turkish Cypriot partner state, preserving current close economic and trade ties with Turkey, will probably need to be toned down if a settlement is to be reached.

Adding to Turkey’s diplomatic challenge was a UN Security Council decision to hand over the leading role in settling the Cyprus issue to the EU. A UN report placed primary blame for the existing stalemate in peace talks on Turkish Cypriot leader Rauf Denktas. The report also pointed to UN Secretary General Kofi Annan’s plan as a viable platform for working out a future solution.
Denktas, along with conservatives in Turkey’s political establishment, has expressed dissatisfaction with Annan’s plan. For more disadvantageous terms for Turkey could be in store now that the Cypriot government, led by President Tasos Papadopulos, appears to have gained the upper hand in negotiations after securing EU membership.
Greek Cypriot accession to the EU could trigger continued demonstrations in northern Cyprus against Denktas’s seemingly intransigent line and accelerate Turkish Cypriot immigration to the southern part of the island. With nothing to suggest the imminent end to the current economic blockade on northern Cyprus, dissent among Turkish Cypriots with regard to their current administration, polarization of the population as "pro-settlement Turkish Cypriots" and "anti-settlement Turkish Cypriots plus mainland settlers" may push the north to an unsustainable situation.

Denktas may face increased opposition and might be forced to step down before his term ends in 2005, as the majority of the Turkish Cypriot electorate appear to be aligned with the opposition Republican Turkish Party (CTP), led by Mehmet Ali Talat. The CTP will likely gain ground in the upcoming December parliamentary election, increasing optimism that there could be a serious push for a Cyprus settlement in early 2004.
Turkey’s continued military presence in Cyprus is likely to become an increasing thorn in the side of Turkish-EU relations, as Turkey will be viewed as a country occupying a part of EU territory. The Turkish government may bow to EU pressure in order to keep efforts to resolve the Cyprus issue on track. It remains to be seen, however, whether the government can persuade conservatives, traditionally supportive of the annexation of northern Cyprus, to go along. The resolution of the Cyprus question in the near term appears unlikely in the absence of clear incentives for both sides to make politically costly concessions.

(some of the posted datas are taken from the Eurasia website)

Ein Elefant für dich, mom..

2005-09-28T17:10:00.000+07:00

von Wir Sind Helden..
yup, even when you do it over and over and over and over and over over over OVER again.. never that i'll give up.. so bless her God..

Ich seh uns beide, du bist längst zu schwer
Für meine Arme, aber ich geb dich nicht her
Ich weiß, deine Monster sind genau wie meine
und mit denen bleibt man besser nicht alleine
Ich weiß, ich weiß, ich weiß und frage nicht
Halt dich bei mir fest, steig auf, ich trage dich

Ich werde riesengroß für dich.. Ein Elefant für dich
Ich trag dich meilenweiter.. Übers Land
Und ich trag dich so weit wie ich kann
Ich trag dich so weit wie ich kann
Und am Ende des Wegs, wenn ich muss.. trage ich dich
trag ich dich über den Fluss

Einer der nicht sollte, weint am Telefon
Und eine die nicht wollte, weint und weiß es schon
Deine Beine tragen dich nicht wie sie sollten
So oft gehen die, die noch nicht weg gehen wollten
Ich weiß, ich weiß und ich ertrag es nicht
Halt dich bei mir fest, steig auf, ich trage dich

Ich werde riesengroß für dich.. Ein Elefant für dich

.:This is FeL:.

2005-09-16T21:34:00.000+07:00

jen weathered the breakup with grace
~she lost so many pounds, and had refused to know what's going on with the media.. but she remains silent no more, trying hard to complete what's missing in her life.. doing therapy, sports and so on.. keep it up jen, coz if you never try you'll never know just what you're worth..
well it's not like i said she didn't make any mistake.. it's just that, it's a nature of human being, and it can't be considered as a thing which primarily makes her deserve the very force and the exceeding yet nearly-irreconcileable pain she has to be through..

"Picking Up the Shattered Pieces"

2005-09-16T20:22:00.000+07:00

How are you doin, Jen??
Listening to: Maya Saban & Cosmo Klein - Das alles ändert nichts daran
"Bin von Gefühlen wiedermal erdrückt, denn ich erinner mich.. Und er spiegelt dein Gesicht an jeder Tür.. Das alles ändert nichts daran, dass du mir wirklich fehlst.. Ich begreif' nicht, warum musst ich dich verliern..."

After being silent for months, Jennifer Aniston agreed to do the first post-Brad interview with Access Hollywood's Billy Bush, since when there's no longer any reason to guess what life is like for Jen. In her first interview since the split, Jennifer says she was "shocked" by the breakup and is trying to "pick up the pieces in the midst of this media circus."
"I think she finally felt it was time to say her piece," Bennetts told Access Hollywood after the interview. "I think possibly the most hurtful and infuriating for Jennifer was the reports that she wouldn't have Brad's child and that's why their marriage ended."
In the interview, Jen said: "I've never in my life said I didn't want to have children. I did and I do and I will! I would never give up that experience for a career. I want to have it all."
Jen said she and Brad planned to have a child when she wrapped "Friends" in January of 2004, but by then Jen said Brad "just wasn't there for me."
In fact, Brad didn't even show up for the final "Friends" taping. Unfortunately, when she finished 'Friends,' he had already started filming 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith' with Angelina Jolie.

Jen met Angelina just once — ironically on the "Friends" lot, where Aniston introduced herself and said "Brad is so excited about working with you. I hope you guys have a really good time."
Aniston filed for divorce in March, citing irreconcilable differences after 4 1/2 years of marriage. The couple separated in January.
Brad insists Jolie wasn't the reason for the split. But his actions suggest otherwise. Just three months after he separated from Jennifer, he was spotted with Jolie on a romantic getaway in Africa.
Admittedly, Jen says it wasn't the highlight of her year. "Who would deal with that and say, 'Isn't that sweet! That looks like fun!' But, s*** happens. You joke and say, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'"
So did Brad cheat on Jen with Jolie?
"I choose to believe my husband," Aniston said, referring to Pitt's denial of an affair.

Attraction to Jolie
Jen's close "Friend", Courteney Cox, agreed saying "I don't think he started an affair physically, but I think he was attracted to [Angelina]."
She was also hurt by a fashion spread in W magazine — a concept of Pitt's — that showed the actor and Jolie as a 1960's-style married couple.
"There's a sensitivity chip that's missing," Aniston says of Pitt.
Otherwise refusing to talk badly of Pitt, the actress says she doesn't want to mimic the bitterness of her parents' divorce.
"I love Brad; I really love him. I will love him for the rest of my life," says Aniston. "I don't regret any of it, and I'm not going to beat myself up about it. ... The sad thing, for me, is the way it's been reduced to a Hollywood cliche, or maybe it's just a human cliche."
Nevertheless, Vanity Fair's Bennetts commended Jennifer's trust.
"Jennifer is nobody's fool. She chooses to believe the best about the person she spent 7 years of her life with," Bennetts noted.
But what was unbearable for Aniston was addressing the rumor that Jolie is three-months pregnant with Brad's child.
When asked, Bennetts said Jennifer looked as if she'd "been stabbed in the heart" as the tears "kept rolling down her cheeks."
"Her friends feel Brad could have done more to dispel the rumors," Bennetts added. "She does not believe that Brad is a malicious guy and she does not believe that he did any of this to be hurtful to her."

Besides working, which she's been doing a lot of with four movies on the way, Jen is also concentrating on healing by seeing a therapist who is helping her to avoid feeling like a victim.
And Jen was also brave in admitting that it hasn't been quite blissful since the split, saying: "Am I lonely? Yes. Am I upset? Yes. Am I confused? Yes. Do I have my days when I've thrown a little pity party for myself? Absolutely. But I'm also doing really well."
And while she also admitted she's "maybe a little bruised," it didn't seem to jade her according to Bennetts.
"I asked Jennifer where she thought she'd be or hoped she'd be in five years and she said, 'I expect I'll be married and have a child,'" the Vanity Fair writer concluded. One thing is for sure, Jen certainly hasn't lost her sense of humor. On Pitt's recently dyed blond hair, she says, "Billy Idol called — he wants his look back."

Jen hasn’t necessarily been a role idol for me, but one thing is for sure, that I put my highest respect for her. I completely realize that we don’t even know each other, yet I couldn’t help but putting a considerable amount of empathy no one could ever have more as I read the news at the first place. I should admit that now she deserves to be regarded as an inspiring individual, or to say in an even better context, and without consisting any notion of gender bias, an inspiring woman. I personally agree that she’s nobody’s fool. She has bent over backwards to take the high road and not say anything negative about Brad at any point. You know it takes a lot to confront the dark parts of yourself. But Jen did succeed, in which she weathered the breakup with grace. And I hope that in a period of a few months later, she has been doing very well, retaining her normal life, and be prepared to have the next best thing in her life.

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength." ~August Wilson
.:This is FeL:.

Reconsidering Silence: Apprehending the Imponderables #2

2005-09-12T17:17:00.000+07:00

Here we are again, after not posting for a while.. yupe, due to our incapability to get online and also aileen's illness that's been there for weeks.. so i got to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes, like puzzle pieces from the clay, to the extent that everything should just happen this way that we couldn't get into the artificial world for more than a whole month, and start posting after.. although i should admit it could scare the bejesus out of me.. yea even the hiltons can turn silent and discreet for a little while.. well there's a song that i've been listening to over and over again.. i didn't like this song that much when i first heard it (believe me, the radio used to play it very often..) but then it turned out to be interesting..

Wir Sind Helden- Nur Ein Wort

Ich sehe, dass du denkst
Ich denke, was du fühlst
Ich fühle, dass du willst
Aber ich hör dich nicht
Ich hab mir ein Wörterbuch geliehen, dir A bis Z ins Ohr geschrieen
Ich stapel tausend wirre Worte auf, die dich am Ärmel ziehen
Und wo du hingehen willst ich häng an deinen Beinen
Wenn du schon auf den Mund fallen musst, warum dann nicht auf meinen?

Oh, bitte gib mir nur ein Wort

Es ist verrückt, wie schön du schweigst
Wie du dein hübsches Köpfchen neigst
Und so der ganzen lauten Welt und mir die kalte Schulter zeigst
Dein Schweigen ist dein Zelt, du stellst es mitten in die Welt
Spannst die Schnüre und staunst stumm
Wenn nachts ein Mädchen drüber fällt
Zu deinen Füßen red ich mich um Kopf und Kragen
Ich will in deine tiefen Wasser große Wellen schlagen

In meinem Blut werfen die Endorphine Blasen
Wenn hinter deinen stillen Hasenaugen die Gedanken rasen

Bitte gib mir nur ein Wort...

Translation:
i see that you're thinking, i think that you're feeling, i feel that you're wanting, but i hear nothing from you
i've borrowed a dictionary, screamed to you from A til Z.. piling a thousand words that you wear on your sleeves
and wherever you go i'll be hanging right on your leg..
if you already have to get something out from your mouth, then why not to my...
please give me just one word...

it's crazy how nice you turn on silent, how you bend your head down
by which you're showing me and the whole running world your cold shoulder
your silence is your tend, you put it in the middle of the world
tighten the rope and quietly astonished when it brings a girl down at night
i talk to your feet about head and collar.. in your deep water i would like to hit big waves
the endorphines throw away bubbles in my blood, if behind your calm eyes there are thoughts racing..
Please give me just one word...

(by the way, sorry if i make a mistake or two..)

Speaking about silence, we should realize that it is a side of human being, which turned out to be the most difficult to apprehend. Silence is in fact the most complicated, complex symbol ever to translate. Even the well-developed knowledge of psychology couldn't afford much to discover a single constant formula to understand it. Being quiet is the dark, and silence is also a blind. Nothing's there to be seen nor to be heard, so nothing's there to apprehend. So, for the sake of humanity, don't let your will and thoughts be buried down inside your calm manner..

.:This is FeL:.

Happy 21st Birthday Aileen..

2005-09-07T19:21:00.000+07:00

Just.. reunited :)

Listening to: The Postal Service - Nothing Better (i know it's rather old but this song is great!!)
"will someone please call a surgeon, who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart, that you're deserted for better company.."

Happy birthday Aileen, my one and hopefully-eternal bestfriend.. the one i love so much though i don't tell you that often.. you're a grown-up now.. well you know that i'm the kind of person that rarely let my feelings out since i believe that there should be a concrete realization of it instead of just giving you words (which can absolutely turn out to be bullshit someday), or valuable, glamorous things that i can not yet afford by now. But i've been by your side through this year and i hope it remains so.. All the best wishes and prayers for you.. and i hope we can value each other more than we always did.. even when one of us falls apart, shattered to pieces, up to a certain point when nothing could have gone worse, i just wish we can be there, at least to appreciate each other's presence and efforts without neglecting one, or better yet, trying our best to fix each other, to complete and recompile the broken pieces that's left from every single part of our lives.. instead of to care no more, or even worse, to leave the other behind to the next best thing, the very happiness that one of us could already have.

.:This is FeL:.

2005-09-07T19:15:00.000+07:00

a concrete implementation of cease-fire
Posted by Picasa

2005-09-07T19:14:00.000+07:00

Aileen is now 21!! (Pizza Hut La Piazza)
Posted by Picasa

Farewell.. already??

2005-07-29T02:48:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Nelly ft. Tim McGraw - Over and Over ("everytime i close my eyes.. i'm going down.. i can't go on not loving you..")

Dear everyone.. Paris was great.. definitely you should be there at least once in your lifetime.. well of course twice, three times or even more would do better ;).. i've already posted the pics here.. too bad i didn't have the chance to see Versailles.. that kinda sucked!! It regularly closes on Mondays, just the day we had planned to spend the entire time to visit it!! Well, this post is more likely to pour what's bothering my mind actually.. what do you think it is?yupe, exactly as stated on the title.. the farewell..

last week (alejandro)..

today (phoebe&angel)..

tomorrow (tracy)..

day after tomorrow (ryan)..

one by one.. gone..

and.. in 4 days.. i'll be gone too.. leaving it all behind

farewell isn't just all there is.. it isn't just about goodbyes, not just about sadness, nor only hugs and waves. It's related to reconsidering what you have encountered, done, been through together. As hard as it may be, you have to accept what lies infront of you, the considerable forces that might tear you up. Yeah i know.. i've already realized it since i made my first step here in Germany.. it won't be easy, living with the things which you're forced to keep deep within your memories.. in a year or two, these summer school moments might just appear once in a while in my mind.. but some things will never be forgotten.. some things i can never let go..

I went to Dusseldorf Airport today to accompany diana dealing with her flight ticket back home.. i know i'll be there in couple of days, which i might just feel like only a glimpse of a time, a blink of an eye.. Yet, i couldn't dare imagining myself standing there.. and why not, for the love of God? They say there's no place like home.. and what do they actually mean by 'home'? where's mine, if you can at least enlighten me? You might have to define it further...

Alrite, enough of that.. hope everyone's fine.. my family.. whatever had happened.. ou Gott why don't you at least cure my allergy, it's torturing me like hell..

by F E L I C I A

Fix You

2005-07-29T02:22:00.000+07:00

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

If you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

-by Coldplay

(exclusively for my 1026 twin.. gue sayang lo ran!! So.. if you ever need a friend and there exist a hundred steps between us, you can take the first single step and i'll take the rest 99 steps to be there for you ;)) Miss you a bunch..

.:This is FeL:.

A glimpse of a "dear God..."

2005-07-21T02:59:00.000+07:00

It's been a while, I couldn't get anything inside my head to write a post.. just one single post.. eventhough i've experienced something new. I went to Amsterdam with Ronald, to Dusseldorf and Duisburg with Phoebe, and even met two of my Goethe friends from Jakarta, here in Bochum.
Well, nothing is actually inside my head even in this time being. However, I completely realize that my time here is about to over... very soon that i can hardly feel the time running, the clock ticking.. one second.. one minute.. one hour.. it just passes by, and deep within my conciousness I start to get worried.. no, it's been too long that i'm trapped and suppressed by all my childish fears.. funny, the computer's now spinning Athlete - Wires, which says "I see it in your eyes, I see it in your eyes, you'll be alright..." yeah sure..
During the time I've spent here, I've encountered so much, the good times and the bad, from which i can learn so much. It's not just about living abroad, but about starting a new life as well. As they say, that one single hope can turn your life one eighty.
Anyway, Felicia is not only Felicia, even without all the philosopycal reasons why a Felicia is created.. Been through so many things, I'm perfectly concious when a poisoning thought's running through.. no, not through.. but exactly in my mind, that some things might not just better left forgotten. Instead, I realize i'll always remember all the valuable things that has influenced me as a whole person, if you can figure out what i'm referring to. Those then-impossible things that evidently turns out happening. It's like a manifesto, real, even the ones I could never dare to expect. I can never be more grateful. For the roman candles that burn in the night, the torch in the infinite.. yes, the shining light, the only constant of my life. And now that it has arrived, there's no way I can let it go. Even my mortal blood i would sacrifice (jeez it's turning to be a bit scary, innit?)

Alright, enough for now, gotta go to celebrate Alejandro's farewell. Hope a Desperados can do me a favor.. yes please..

Listening to: Ash - Warmer Than Fire
"These memories.. dear God i hope she's always next to me.. dear God she's burried next to me.."

.:This is FeL:.

My Shining Light

2005-07-04T03:35:00.000+07:00

Listening to: Max Mutzke - Schwarz auf Weiss!!
"baby mein Respekt zu dir wächst von Tag zu Tag.. deine Art dich zu bewegen, dich zu geben, genauso wie ich's mag"

Roman candles that burn in the night
You lit a torch in the infinite
You have always been a thorn in their side
But to me you're a shining light
You arrive and the night is alive, yeah, you are a shining light
You light up my life

We made a connection, a full on chemical reaction
Brought by dark divine intervention.. yeah, you are a shining light
A constellation once seen, over royal david's city
An epiphany you burn so pretty.. yeah, you are a shining light
You are a force you are a constant source
Incandescent in the darkest night
My mortal blood i would sacrifice, for you are a shining light
Sovereign groom of the infinite, yeah, you are a shining light
You light up my life

These are the days you often say, there's NOTHING that we cannot do
Beneath a canopy of stars I'd shed blood for you
The north star in the firmament, you shine the most bright
I've seen you draped in a electric veilshrouded in celestial light
You are a shining light.. yeah,you light up my life

.:This is FeL:.