Farewell.. already??

Listening to: Nelly ft. Tim McGraw - Over and Over ("everytime i close my eyes.. i'm going down.. i can't go on not loving you..")

Dear everyone.. Paris was great.. definitely you should be there at least once in your lifetime.. well of course twice, three times or even more would do better ;).. i've already posted the pics here.. too bad i didn't have the chance to see Versailles.. that kinda sucked!! It regularly closes on Mondays, just the day we had planned to spend the entire time to visit it!! Well, this post is more likely to pour what's bothering my mind actually.. what do you think it is?yupe, exactly as stated on the title.. the farewell..

last week (alejandro)..

today (phoebe&angel)..

tomorrow (tracy)..

day after tomorrow (ryan)..

one by one.. gone..

and.. in 4 days.. i'll be gone too.. leaving it all behind

farewell isn't just all there is.. it isn't just about goodbyes, not just about sadness, nor only hugs and waves. It's related to reconsidering what you have encountered, done, been through together. As hard as it may be, you have to accept what lies infront of you, the considerable forces that might tear you up. Yeah i know.. i've already realized it since i made my first step here in Germany.. it won't be easy, living with the things which you're forced to keep deep within your memories.. in a year or two, these summer school moments might just appear once in a while in my mind.. but some things will never be forgotten.. some things i can never let go..

I went to Dusseldorf Airport today to accompany diana dealing with her flight ticket back home.. i know i'll be there in couple of days, which i might just feel like only a glimpse of a time, a blink of an eye.. Yet, i couldn't dare imagining myself standing there.. and why not, for the love of God? They say there's no place like home.. and what do they actually mean by 'home'? where's mine, if you can at least enlighten me? You might have to define it further...

Alrite, enough of that.. hope everyone's fine.. my family.. whatever had happened.. ou Gott why don't you at least cure my allergy, it's torturing me like hell..

by F E L I C I A

Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

If you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

-by Coldplay

(exclusively for my 1026 twin.. gue sayang lo ran!! So.. if you ever need a friend and there exist a hundred steps between us, you can take the first single step and i'll take the rest 99 steps to be there for you ;)) Miss you a bunch..

.:This is FeL:.

A glimpse of a "dear God..."

It's been a while, I couldn't get anything inside my head to write a post.. just one single post.. eventhough i've experienced something new. I went to Amsterdam with Ronald, to Dusseldorf and Duisburg with Phoebe, and even met two of my Goethe friends from Jakarta, here in Bochum.
Well, nothing is actually inside my head even in this time being. However, I completely realize that my time here is about to over... very soon that i can hardly feel the time running, the clock ticking.. one second.. one minute.. one hour.. it just passes by, and deep within my conciousness I start to get worried.. no, it's been too long that i'm trapped and suppressed by all my childish fears.. funny, the computer's now spinning Athlete - Wires, which says "I see it in your eyes, I see it in your eyes, you'll be alright..." yeah sure..
During the time I've spent here, I've encountered so much, the good times and the bad, from which i can learn so much. It's not just about living abroad, but about starting a new life as well. As they say, that one single hope can turn your life one eighty.
Anyway, Felicia is not only Felicia, even without all the philosopycal reasons why a Felicia is created.. Been through so many things, I'm perfectly concious when a poisoning thought's running through.. no, not through.. but exactly in my mind, that some things might not just better left forgotten. Instead, I realize i'll always remember all the valuable things that has influenced me as a whole person, if you can figure out what i'm referring to. Those then-impossible things that evidently turns out happening. It's like a manifesto, real, even the ones I could never dare to expect. I can never be more grateful. For the roman candles that burn in the night, the torch in the infinite.. yes, the shining light, the only constant of my life. And now that it has arrived, there's no way I can let it go. Even my mortal blood i would sacrifice (jeez it's turning to be a bit scary, innit?)

Alright, enough for now, gotta go to celebrate Alejandro's farewell. Hope a Desperados can do me a favor.. yes please..

Listening to: Ash - Warmer Than Fire
"These memories.. dear God i hope she's always next to me.. dear God she's burried next to me.."

.:This is FeL:.

My Shining Light

Listening to: Max Mutzke - Schwarz auf Weiss!!
"baby mein Respekt zu dir wächst von Tag zu Tag.. deine Art dich zu bewegen, dich zu geben, genauso wie ich's mag"

Roman candles that burn in the night
You lit a torch in the infinite
You have always been a thorn in their side
But to me you're a shining light
You arrive and the night is alive, yeah, you are a shining light
You light up my life

We made a connection, a full on chemical reaction
Brought by dark divine intervention.. yeah, you are a shining light
A constellation once seen, over royal david's city
An epiphany you burn so pretty.. yeah, you are a shining light
You are a force you are a constant source
Incandescent in the darkest night
My mortal blood i would sacrifice, for you are a shining light
Sovereign groom of the infinite, yeah, you are a shining light
You light up my life

These are the days you often say, there's NOTHING that we cannot do
Beneath a canopy of stars I'd shed blood for you
The north star in the firmament, you shine the most bright
I've seen you draped in a electric veilshrouded in celestial light
You are a shining light.. yeah,you light up my life

.:This is FeL:.