Listening to: Tori Amos - Sleeps With Butterflies"I'm not like the girls that you've known.. But I believe I'm worth coming home to.. Kiss away night..."Trapped. I guess nothin can describe more about the agony i've been carving through. Don't you just feel wasted and exhausted while you pledge to dedicate yourself to the irony that has been part of your life. Yes, let me tell you something about irony, it is when you're trapped in the institution and the future it's promising, the proud feeling that you're about to carry a title from one of the (so-called not by me) best university in Indonesia, while what actually happens is exactly one eighty to it. Indeed, institution can absorb the self (you), excruciate your health, consume and confiscate most of your lifetime.
Okay lets get started with the real blog instead of speaking words of condemnation.. haha..
Lets say that i am trapped in the irony of my university. It is like when so many institution things bumped to your head all at once: assignments, competitors, bureaucracy, and those designated lecturers who dedicate their lives to suppress you. All things that i used to endure from my very self.
Point one: assignments. In my opinion, they should be made to present a clear vision of the subject for the students. But instead, their role could be better explained as the obligation that binds the students, which would very likely throw the ones who ain't committed into the deep agony of the execrable academic records. The problem is, they ain't get satisfied with just enough assignments.. there should be more and more!! Let me tell you.. one of my subjects forces us to make a research design as a midtest, which should be completed then by the end of the semester (it means, it will be just equal to a final assignment that we have to finish in order to get the bachelor degree!!-we call it "skripsi". how insane.. they say it is a TRAINING!! in order to get ourselves used to making this kind of research. And of course, we're gonna have to complete another one by the end of our 8th semester). Moreover, those strict deadlines are putting me under pressure!! Well, nobody wants to get dumped from the institution, innit rite?? Therefore, this point consumes my time as well as my energy and health so much (dammit).
Point two: competitors. Up to the general standard, reviews should be written in 3-4 pages, standard margins, times new roman 12. But the students, barely conscious, i'd say, always make 5-6 pages, margins of only 0.7 cm (could u imagine?!), and sometimes with times new roman 11. It's apparently the students themselves who upper the standards, so who's actually to blame? And there's a thing called security dilemma, when you see your friend's paper in the mailist (yes, my email is always full of assignments!!), e.g. one student sees that the other makes a 26 pages of paper, then, she/he will increase the amount of pages for his/her paper (makin it 30 pages). Crazy? hmm.. Therefore, i gotta compete in order to survive.. which consumes even more time and energy.. and health.. (again, dammit). Oh yeah fyi, it's not juz me who's suffering from diseases.. some students suffer even more than i do.. some of them DO suffer from mental disorder.. so i guess i still have more luck..
Point three: bureaucracy. Everything related to bureaucracy is slow moving!!! so indolent!! The bureaucrats, anything.. even the elevators!! Could you believe it. It is due to the slowness of the tuition payment that i have to deal with that goddamn bureaucracy and its substances!!! Therefore (again), it consumes a lot more energy and time, and patience!! Juz imagine, i have to make a letter to my department, and then i was so much ping-ponged until i get 5 (or 6??) letters from different parts of the bureaucracy, just to change my status as a registered student, who have already paid the tuition.. it was so lameeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
I hope the explanation could help you picture how much rottenness this institution is suffering from.. And the impact for me, is my health. I can barely believe i was told to have to much stress that my immunity have weakened in such bad weather here in Indonesia. Got a malignancy of headache, and even gastritis that suddenly relapsed when i was in Church!! It was so bad that I could hardly endure it.. No way i would restrain from the pain. So i went home before the communion praying.. so bad.. yeah, although the cute boy beside me had given me his Mass text, and started to talk to me a little.. errrghhh.. this damn institution!!! If you believe in karma, what do you think this institution should suffer more from?? For it has suppressed its students so hard.. hmm there would be a payback someday.. hahaha
.: This is FeL :.
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