Missing Gianina.. (I hate farewell!!)

Gianina, Felicia, and Ivanka
(by the way it's me with naked face, hadn't taken any shower :p.. barely have photograph in such condition)

Singin: Ayumi Hamasaki ft. Tsunku - Love ~since 1999~ (pretty weird title.. but it surely is a great song)
"Tonight, samishikute nemurenai nagai yoru wa.. Anata to no omoi de to, hitori de nemuru.."

After the bad news, now i come with a good news. My niece from LA, Gianina, is visiting Jakarta!! Well it's not necessarily a good news now, since she's leaving tomorrow T-T.
This is the first time of her almost seven years to visit us in Jakarta. Gia is a very decent kid, beautiful (isn't she?? =D), sweet and so lovable!!! I'm so proud of her and I love her very much. It's true.. not to say that I'm not proud with my other niece and nephews (of course I love them all dearly).. I'm just too excited to meet her. Hehe though her accent is so much better than anyone in the house =p.. (fyi. she doesn't speak Indonesian). She talks so much like her father (her deep american accent, I mean..). She also looks very much like him! Moreover, she often speaks about her father.. "you know what, my daddy likes to do this.. and this.. and this..", haha she surely could act so much like her father.. and it makes me miss him more!! Too bad he isn't able to visit us too. Perhaps I'm the one who should pay them a visit *giggles*.. Oh yeah and she's always excited and started to dance everytime she hears my cellphone ringing, coz the ringing tone is Destiny's Childs' Lose My Breath.. Haha she likes them!! That's my niece ;)... And my bro's daughter! I can assure you he's a very good dancer. I remember he used to do 'moonwalking' when I was in junior high..

She's leaving tomorrow morning.. huk huk huk.. I had a great time with her in Surabaya.. It made us close =D.. though it's in the time of condolence. She didn't even complaint when the weather got so damp and rainy there. She's a very nice kid, i can say. If only i were given more time to spend with her.. She told me she'd love to go to the zoo here, but i'm afraid we couldn't make it.. too bad there's not enough time. I know it's not of significant need for her to stay too long, but a week (barely a week!!) is just not enough for me.. Okay I'm being too selfish here.. of course, she gotta go to school..
I already miss her now that she's staying in my sister in law's place in Pondok Indah. That's why I keep writing my blog haha.. though it's late at night.. I mean, common, she's leaving tomorrow.. =(
Anyway, take a good care, Gia, and hope we can meet again some time soon (you know what? I even start to think that I can stand living with her.. haha.. it's weird coz I don't usually really like to be with children for a long time.. esp. to live with them..). But however, I love all my nieces and nephews afterall.. Okay, have to go to bed now.. Sleep tight, Gia.. nitey nite, everyone..

Rest in peace, Grandpa...

Singin: M2M- The day you went away (been singin it over and over again everyday..)
"well i wonder, could it be, when i was dreaming bout you baby you were dreaming of me.."

First of all, i'm gonna tell you a bad news.. real bad.. and shocking (for me)
It was a rainy day, been raining since morning.. March 22nd, Tuesday.. I went to Rektorat UI to take care of my tuition problem with that damn bureaucracy.. It was a busy day, and I got so many things to do. However, it all didn't matter anymore when my cellphone suddenly rang.. It was my bro who called, he informed me that my grandpa had just passed away in the morning. That time i wasn't that shocked, coz i still couldn't believe (or imagine) it. Soon after, I've left my activities behind, decided to go to Surabaya on that very day, along with my family.

All that left was regret. It's such a shame for me. I can't find the most proper words to express it. I had gone to Surabaya in January, visiting my cousin in Malang for 3 days. But at that time, due to the flood and bad time management, i wasn't able to reach my grandpa's place, coz i was heading back to Jakarta. I could have seen him!!!! It would be the last time!! But, since i didn't see him that time, the last time i met him was 2 years and 8 months ago.. pretty long time, huh..
But then again, what can I do? Regret on the aftermath of someone's death wouldn't change anything. What's dun is dun. So I cry.. And I prayed for him.. Well, I still do..
The thing that shocked me was my first time to see a real dead body, and unluckily it was my own grandpa!!! I was kinda shocked seeing him without 'life'.. I love him, I really do.. I miss him so bad now.. If only I had a digital picture of him. All i have is a picture of 2 years 8 months ago, with my cousins, and him.. He was quite healthy that time, not as skinny and pale as his dead body.. Jeez i really hate it to type that word 'dead'..

Okay, enough of this melancolic time.. one of my bestfriends Anisa had told me that I shouldn't feel bad all the time.. I shouldn't be this sad.. It's not easy though.. but she said "come on Fel, he's in a better place".. Yeah, i really hope he is..

Hope you rest in peace, Grandpa.. Sorry that i hadn't told you much before.. I love you.. and I hope you can hear me.. and I pray to God to forgive all your sins, and deliver you from evil.. instead, I wish you're there, in a better place, with eternal life and happiness around you..
So.. that's it (I really don't know what more to say)..
To my Grandpa: my deepest condolence, my highest respect, my prayers..

.:This is FeL:.

paris and nicky
Posted by Hello

Girls Like Us and the Sense of Insecurity

leen and fel
(wew i didn't expect the pic to be so big.. but fine, no prob..)

singin: peter pan - semua tentang kita (is it the right title?)
"ada cerita tentang aku dan dia, dan kita bersama saat dulu kala..."

They call me bitch. I don't know exactly why, aside from some bold opinion i do state sometimes. I am just being honest. Or perhaps it was a lil too bold?
They call paris and nicky bitch. This case nobody wonders why. But unlike paris and nicky, leen and fel don't bitch (dat much) anymore. I'm sick of it. We used to, juz like any other gals out there, but we don't now. Honestly, gals, you should stop seriously. Get some peace in life.. I think we've come to an age where we have to settle down, commit, and be loyal to our ultimate someone. Trust me guys, i'm not trying to impress you here. F*ck it.

Speaking of ultimate someone, I start to feel that i may need it, since i'm kinda uncomfortable with my condition. (I don't know about aileen, but i guess she's feeling the same thing). Let me tell you why.
~This didn't really matter at the beginning, but as time goes by, it surely creates a sense of insecurity for us... and it doesn't feel good at all. Seriously.. (perhaps this is one reason why i like mario's song so much, titled 'let me love you'.. it's about a guy that loves a girl who is mistakenly treated by her boyfriend.. it says "let me be the one to give you everything you want and need. Baby good love and protection, make me your selection, show you the way love's supposed to be...").
Sometimes the type of girls like us meet annoying guys. Actually, the guys that try to reach us usually aren't nice guys. Yeah we can tell, they address us, try to get close to us, doing it all only for some purpose (not literally to get to know us inside and out.. no way). I know not all of them are that bad, but still.. bastardos always around.
It was last week when i went to taman anggrek i had to wait for my friend there. I found out a boy (read: a boy!!! i'm sure he's younger than me) following me all the way around. I turned left, he turned left. I turned right, he did the same. I went in a store, he's obviously waiting outside the store!!!!!!! Jeez i started to freak out. This is not funny. It happened for about 15 minutes. Luckily i succeeded with my art of escaping. (actually it's a long story of what happened next but it's the summary that i give you). After i finally met my friend, when we shopped at the supermarket, i felt so uncomfortable coz i thought a guy behind me was staring at me along the time we queued (fyi it's about 20 minutes coz the line was soooo long). I convinced myself it was juz me, feeling weird. Apparently my friend who waited for me outside insisted that he was watching me all the way in an appropriate manner. It's bothering, ye know. Though i should admit he's cute.. but still.. it's unacceptable..
Second story, i was in a foodcourt with a friend, and it was really crowded since it's a public holiday. Too bad i had to sit infront of a group of boys who keep looking at our table.. chatting for a while.. then looked again.. chatted.. then stared.. it's okay if one or to of em did, but this.. read: ALL the eight of em!!! And after the meal, they pushed one of em right to me!!! MAN!!! Get a life!!!! You better address politely, in an appropriate manner at least to respect the girls!! Then again, not every boys did these kind of annoying thing.
Well this time i don't know where the conclusion should go. These are only some stories to help you picture out how it is when girls like us get out (of course these could only happen when we go without our boy friends, only girls). There are other similar things that have happened to us. I don't know whether this happen only in Indonesia.. don't even know why they should happen. These things have made us somehow a lil bit avoidant to boys. Esp. me, remaining my scepticism all the way. Could there still (possibly) be gentlemen around? Okay i don't know if i'm getting myself clear here. Sorry if it's rather unclear. I'm so tired right now, can't think.. need bed so bad!! My typings' start to screw up.. so, better off to bed now. Nitey nite, guys!!

Ending song: Jamie Cullum - Everlasting Love
"I went away just when you needed me so.. you won't regret i'll come back begging you.. Open up your eyes, then you realise, here I stand with my everlasting love... never be denied, everlasting love.. need a love to last forever..."

And the next post is...

Singin: Mario - Let me love you (i really love this song)
"You should let me love you, let me be the one to give you everything you want and need..."

Well, here I am again (finally), after about a week unable to access internet from my lovely home. At first I was like ‘what??!!!! No internet connection??!!!’.. I mean, how in the world should I spend my nights?? Ye know that we’re somehow addicted to these things related to internet. In addition, I wasn’t able to finish my assignment by the time I should have finished it since I couldn’t open my mails (it was a group assignment, by the way), which are recently very significant to keep myself informed with the others’ works. We send emails all the time. But apparently, it all went well along with the presentation etc, and I turned out not to be very sad, being unable to connect. I know this would definitely happen someday, coz I kept getting online without considering the limit, hahah.. Anyway, I realized I should’ve been more thankful to what I already have. Juz when I went to the university one day, it was raining heavily outside, and moreover, the bus I rode got all the passengers off near Plaza Semanggi (it hadn’t even reached half of the way!!). I was like dumped on the street, while the shelters are full with ppl (it was raining even more!!). Fortunately, I have my driver to picked me up and dropped me off in the university. Even if I felt that that day wasn’t my day, I was glad I could finally made it to the university. That time I saw so many ppl trapped by the rain, couldn’t make it on time to their destinations. Even more, there are children (who lives on the streets) and beggars who could only walk in the rain, or stayed at a corner, while it was still raining, heavily.. there are also some ppl who were trapped by the rain.
I’m always easily touched by these kinds of thing, well I mean, how could they even earn a living? I myself could never live that way. Sometimes there are things you should ponder, so that in times of bad luck, you’d still be able to be thankful of what you have…

In fact, if you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation... then you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death, you are more blessed than three billion people in the world, who lives in conflicted areas.
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still alive and still married, believe me.. you are very rare… should be grateful about it…
Well I guess that’s it for today. I have to go to bed now. I’ll post another story soon about my presentation of Iraqi regime transition.. it’s kinda interesting though..

.:ThiS is FeL:.